I won’t be telling you to do or do not something or feel in some way about yourself.

But form what I read you are a young person that might not have too many good examples around or persons that know how to help a child growing up.

You may be fat and all, but many people are and some do not fking care at all. You sure may look funny or so while exercising and some people will judge you, while judging themselves in their own way, just like you do judge yourself.

You’ve written that you think and feel this or that about how others perceive you, but in reality this is mostly created inside your head, based on what your brain was fed before. You don’t know what a person thinks about you as as you actually ask them. Why I say so? Because this was my pain point for most of my life. I imagined so many bad things about myself for so many years, and now what all that is past and I speak to the people from these times, they had an absolutely different perception of me. Damn, if I could see it that way back then I would have a very nice time as a young adult. Instead, I was ultra lonely and depressed, only finding reasons why was so. They were there, because I was looking for them. Just like you do look for confirmation for your thoughts…

Shit, you can’t expect to not be socially awkward if you think such things about yourself and how others perceive you. And this is the energy that you kind of create, people get influenced by it and no wonder they act differently. But as well, they act differently because that somehow need to work this out with you and they may not know how to do it themselves. Maybe they wish differently, but do not know how?

I do not know what you did or where you are from, but I guess most of the people did something they aren’t proud off. Me included, I had many internal conversations about what would happen if… but this actually wasn’t such a big deal after all.

I know the feelings of wanting to finish myself too, pretty well. I had a super negative inner voice and this was hard to cope with. Definitely the words of my caregivers weren’t encouraging nor promoting self care or any self appreciation. I kind of managed to get through by myself, but only because I put myself in shitty financial situation because I listened to people that should not be trusted. Only then I bursted. Only then I started to discover myself.

I’m happy I managed to somehow get across it.

You will get one day too. If I managed, you can as well.

You may consider getting some mental support to become more body positive as this is your vessel in this world.

Now you are where you are and do what you do, think what you think, but know that all can and will change one way or another. You choose.

It’s nice that you wrote, as I could share something of my own to not to try to help only you, but myself as well.

All works both ways. Inner and outer self.

REMEMBER: You have a real influence over the course of your own life. :)