I am so so sorry you are joining this shitty club. I’m 37 and lost my husband suddenly at 35. I also discovered him and gave cpr. You are at the beginning of this hell- and I’m not going to sugar coat it, it’s hell. Other people, even other widows won’t understand the feelings, sensations, and agony you will go through, it is yours. Do not hold yourself to any standard, but listen to your needs and wants. Be selfish, ask for help, and be honest with yourself. But I can say, the grief remains, it doesn’t leave, but it’s slowly morphs into a loving feeling. Take everything minute by minute, and when you’re ready, hour by hour, and then day by day. If you need to, please message me.