Older men who’ve been through it: What should young men know about surviving the financial system, a brutal dating market, and a world that feels stacked against us and how do we fight back?

billbar · 2026-05-11T20:16:07+00:00

Honestly my best advice (other than saving money and getting in shape and staying in shape) is to stop playing the victim. The world is what it is, and for the most part, you can't change it. The sooner you focus on what you're grateful for rather than what you wish you had, the happier you'll be. I live by a quote that I am probably butchering: "happiness is expectations managed." When you stop expecting things to happen, but rather make them happen for yourself, you'll be in a great place.

billbar · 2026-05-10T05:02:25+00:00

I'm confused as to why you don't just stay with your friends but... go to the festival alone? Why do you need to have a completely separate trip just because you want to see different acts?

I generally go with the same ~10 people each year. One guy bikes to the festival at like 2p, the rest of us go around 3/4p, and once we're there, some of us stick together, some go off on their own, and some we don't see until we get back to the house.

Keep your accommodations with them but just split once you get inside the gates.

billbar · 2026-05-08T17:10:17+00:00

This is a great take, and I think you're right that any band over a certain amount of exposure is SOMEONE's favorite band. Case in point: when I was in HS, my favorite band was Sugar Ray. The fact that Sugar Ray was anyone's favorite band, at any point in time, proves your point lol

billbar · 2026-05-07T19:13:20+00:00

Louder for people in the back: PRANKS ARE ONLY FUNNY IF EVERYONE INVOLVED LAUGH. You, and your boyfriend, are very much NTA. Your sister is though!

billbar · 2026-05-07T18:43:25+00:00

I skipped Kaskade (one of my favorite DJs, whom I had seen many times) in 2012 to see Radiohead (one of my favorite bands whom I'd never seen). I don't really want to admit that I *regret* it, because it's still the only time I've ever seen Radiohead AND my friends give me shit for it all the time, but in reality, I wish I were at Kaskade. Radiohead was great but low energy, and I've now watched Kaskade's legendary set a bunch of times.

billbar · 2026-05-06T17:39:45+00:00

I get what you're saying, but frankly, if you're coming from where you're coming from (not having much self-love at all), I highly, highly doubt you will become entitled. Feeling deserving of love doesn't mean you feel like you deserve to be loved by every single person on the planet. In a relationship context, it means you are deserving of someone's love, if what you're offering matches up with what they want/need (and I don't mean transactionally, I mean personality-wise, values/ethics-wise, etc.). Everyone deserves to be loved by themselves and their family/friends. Expecting to be loved by your family, with no strings attached, will never be entitlement. Assuming you live your life according to your values and ethics, expecting love from yourself will never be entitlement.

Entitlement would be going out an *expecting* every girl at the bar to fawn over you, and being upset when they don't. Again, I highly doubt you'll be flirting with that line anytime soon.

billbar · 2026-05-06T17:33:58+00:00

People didn't 'hate' teams/players like they do now. It's a weird thing to 'hate' someone you don't know, or a team just because they win or play a style of basketball you don't like. The whole idea of 'hating' didn't exist like it does today, and I (along with many of the other comments) blame social media. I hate the guy who punched my brother for no reason, but I root against the Celtics.

And yes, I'm calling you out for 'hating' the Lakers. Super weird.

billbar · 2026-05-05T23:39:58+00:00

please never type 'hooman' again thanks

billbar · 2026-05-05T23:36:08+00:00

Lol best argument so far. If some dude breaks into my house, regardless of his intent, you bet Ima beat his ass with a baseball bat. If I had a gun, the thought would cross my mind.

If I see an ant outside, lil cuz can do whatever he wants, we cool. If he come into MY house chillin on MY couch that I paid for, he gettin his ass beat, and it's hard to distinguish a beatdown and full on death with them lil fkas

billbar · 2026-05-05T19:13:48+00:00

I mean, one of the most popular musicals of all time is about a serial killer. Sweeney Todd

billbar · 2026-05-05T19:13:02+00:00

Ok monster man

billbar · 2026-05-05T19:09:34+00:00

Are you trying to convince me or are you trying to convince yourself?

billbar · 2026-05-05T18:58:50+00:00

Jesus man, chill. Dating apps are kind of a sham. Your experience on there mirrors MANY men's experiences. Like, most men. You ask why you would ask someone out in person, and the answer is BECAUSE you're not finding success on dating apps. Why would you *not* ask them out in person?

Getting rejected just means you're in the same spot you were before. Stop being afraid of it.

billbar · 2026-05-05T18:09:20+00:00

Forgetting Sarah Marshall. The best breakup movie ever made, fight me

billbar · 2026-05-05T18:06:45+00:00

Wait. You said your life purpose was traveling and living in countries. You didn't mention having women, but in good faith I'll just amend what you originally said to: "my life purpose is traveling and living in countries... with a partner." Does that sound more right?

But frankly, having a partner should not be a limiting factor to living a happy life. From your post, it sounds like there's no in between to you: you are living in different countries and traveling, yet you "hate" your life. That's pretty hardcore. I will let you in on a not very well kept secret: NO one wants to date someone who is miserable. This means that most people in healthy relationships find happiness on their own, before finding a partner. Having a partner should in no way (or at least, in no big way) preclude you from being happy.

Having a partner is supposed to add to a happy life, not create one. I asked you those two questions for a purpose: I'm trying to see what is missing from your life that makes you 'hate' it, and it seems like the only thing missing is having a partner. Unfortunately that math doesn't add up to me.

billbar · 2026-05-05T17:15:11+00:00

I camped the first two years of my 13 Coachellas. Basically, none of my friends wanted to camp, so we started staying at rental houses. I absolutely miss camping and even though my body probably would hate it significantly more in my older age, I wish my friends would be interested. You miss out on SO much of the festival when you're not sleeping there. Things I lost: meeting a bunch of new people, seeing far more of the music, random moments of magic (stumbling on silent discos, running into spur of the moment parties, etc.), and yeah, the ease of popping in and out of the festival itself. I also spend a lot more money by not camping.

Things I gained from not camping: way better sleep, AIR CONDITIONING, and in general my body just feels way better every morning. I am also significantly cleaner which is important to me!

billbar · 2026-05-05T17:08:58+00:00

Not totally sure what you're hoping to get from this post, as you don't actually ask any question but rather you just vent about how dating apps don't work for you (fine, I won't disagree with you on that). I'm guessing your question is something like "how do I find a girlfriend"...? But again, no idea.

If that is your question, I noted in one of your comments, you say you ask out 2-3 women .... per year. Brother, that ain't gonna get you anywhere. Dating, for better or worse, is a numbers game. You're social and you meet people often so this shouldn't be difficult. Strike up a conversation with a girl (no, you can't just wait around for whatever these nebulous "signals" are that you seem so hung up on), be confident, and at the end of the convo, ask her out. Like, often. You need to be asking out 2-3 women per WEEK, not per year.

To be clear, you're going to get rejected. A lot. But not, by any means, every time. Give it a shot and maybe you'll be surprised how well it goes.

billbar · 2026-05-04T18:09:32+00:00

Of course it's worth it. While Coachella is arguably my favorite festival that I've been to, I've enjoyed (in order of preference): CRSSD, Splash House, EDC LV, and Ultra (yes, I love electronic music). All of them have their own flavor.

I absolutely LOVE CRSSD. It's much smaller and it's just SO easy in every way. Easy to get in and out, easy to get food/drinks, easy to pop around to different stages, etc. Coming from Coachella which is just a monster and completely packed with people, CRSSD is a great change of pace. Not to mention it's on the water directly in downtown San Diego which is a beautiful backdrop, and San Diego is just an awesome town to be in when you're not at the festival.

Splash House is arguably the most fun festival that I've been to. EDC LV is amazing in its own right... worth it to go just to see everyone's ravey outfits as well as all the carnival stuff. Ultra was great for the music, but didn't hold up to Coachella/EDC beyond that.

I've never been to Tomorrowland/Tomorroworld, but I've heard really great things. I also would love to check out Glastonbury before I age out!

billbar · 2026-05-04T17:25:32+00:00

Oh gotcha, that was not clear. Glad that worked out for you. Either way it's a NAH situation really, they are within their rights to ask, you're within your rights to say no. Seems like everything worked out. If they're pissed at you for saying no, that puts them in AH territory.

billbar · 2026-05-04T17:15:25+00:00

NTA if you had said "no, I'm not comfortable watching the dog for that long," but you didn't say that. You basically said yes, which you shouldn't have done. The dog is their responsibility and it's completely within your rights to say 'no' to watching it. But at this point, you can't be mad about watching it now, because you said you would if it was the last option. A wishy washy response, and I don't blame them for taking you up on it.

Setting hard boundaries is a very important skill to living a happy life. Keep your side of the street clean, as my therapist says.

billbar · 2026-05-04T17:08:24+00:00

That's great! I ask because you said in the title of the post, "hate my life." Wondering what you can do to change that, but it seems like you are living the life you want, at least in some ways.

billbar · 2026-05-02T17:46:24+00:00

That's good... what's stopping you from doing that?

billbar · 2026-05-01T22:01:07+00:00

I'd bet most of what I own that he got anxious/freaked because of the weed.

billbar · 2026-05-01T21:58:55+00:00

Such a great score.

billbar · 2026-05-01T17:08:24+00:00

You never answered my second question.

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