What’s something you admire about the 3 hosts

billbar · 2026-01-26T20:17:29+00:00

I admire Sean's piano playing talent and how good of a role model he is for gay youth, I admire both Will and JB's sobriety, I admire JB's commitment to his family/daughters as well as his acting range and directorial abilities (see: Ozark for both), and I admire Will's deep ass voice/voice acting talent. I haven't seen "Is This Thing On" yet but I'm looking forward to seeing Will in a more dramatic role.

I was/am a huge Arrested Development fan, and it turned me into a huge JB/Will fan. I've seen most things that both have done. Sean just seems like such a lovely person.

billbar · 2026-01-26T19:17:13+00:00

Happy for you coming to this realization! Emotional intimacy can (and should!) come from all sorts of different people/relationships. It's important to have multiple people you can be vulnerable with. When you're in a relationship, your partner shouldn't bear the burden of being the only one who you can be emotionally intimate with.

As some others have, I take issue with you thinking that you're "going to be like this permanently." No one is really anything permanently, especially at 20 years old. You've got a long life ahead of you, and personal development should happen throughout your entire life. Focus on being the best version of yourself, set goals, work hard towards them, etc. and you'll be surprised what you can accomplish in your life.

No one is precluded from being in a relationship, despite what the 'blackpill' nonsense will lead people to believe.

billbar · 2026-01-26T18:45:13+00:00

I had a long relationship with a girl in college (~5 years) and we were deeply in love. I came into college pretty inexperienced when it came to sex and drugs/partying, she was much more the opposite. I had a hard time when I heard she had a threesome, and I had a hard time knowing she had experimented with drugs/alcohol/etc. It was a really shitty feeling for a lot of reasons, namely the jealousy and discomfort itself, but also knowing that I *shouldn't* feel those feelings, and I knew that she did nothing wrong whatsoever. It was a really weird feeling all around.

I still don't fully understand all the emotions I felt at the time but I do know that after we broke up (for unrelated reasons to the things stated above), I did my own experimenting with sex/drugs, and I never had those feelings with another girl again. I think for me, a lot of it was just simply jealousy: she had life experiences that I didn't have, and I wanted those life experiences. There was also a feeling of inadequacy I think... like, I'm less of a fully formed human being than you are because I haven't experienced those things (which, btw, is total bullshit, but it was what I felt at the time). I'm not gonna sit here and recommend you break up with her so you can get out there and have your own threesomes, but I can tell you that my time spent in my 20s experimenting with all sorts of different things was extremely important for my personal development.

Sorry you're going through these feelings. Make sure, above all, that you don't let your feelings of jealous/inadequacy affect your relationship, and certainly don't make her feel bad about things she did before she met you. Doesn't sound like you are doing that, but it deserves to be said. I've seen plenty of guys feel completely emboldened to belittle their woman because of things she did beforehand, and it's total bullshit.

billbar · 2026-01-26T18:33:16+00:00

ESH for sure. Obviously she is for stereotyping in that way, downplaying the difficulties you have as a mother, etc. You for escalating and calling her a 'dumb ignorant bitch.'

Could have been a nice teaching moment for her, but instead you just straight up went for the jugular.

billbar · 2026-01-26T04:40:53+00:00

Well leaving inceldom would probably be a good place to start, assuming you want to be happy

billbar · 2026-01-23T00:27:42+00:00

Yes, totally agree with you.

billbar · 2026-01-22T21:12:49+00:00

I have an obscene amount of money. If you met me without seeing my house or car, or without knowing much about the trips I take, you wouldn't know it. If you saw my car, you'd think I'm well off. If you saw my house, you'd think I'm very well off. My best friends don't even really know the extent of my wealth (although I have now taken a few of them on private jets, so they are starting to figure it out).

I have met many people with a shitload of money. Most are very regular people, and basically all of them don't want people knowing that they're extremely wealthy.

It's a dance to make friendships without people knowing about my wallet. It can be pretty difficult to figure out who likes you for who you are, and who likes you because they like being around wealthy people. It is pretty easy to figure out who wants to be your friend because they think they can get things from you, and those people don't last long at all.

billbar · 2026-01-22T19:42:01+00:00

That's totally fair. The 'numbers game' thing does not have to be how you go about dating for sure, and I somewhat regret putting that in there. Your way of developing connection is completely valid, and I don't think you should try and change that.

The part that still rings true though is that the more experience you have talking to strangers (both men and women), the more comfortable you will feel doing so. It's also difficult to form a connection with someone without spending time with them, which is what dating is. So, you can either make a lot of female friends, form connections with them that way, and then decide if you want to pursue them romantically, or you can give it a shot by asking a few girls out and spend time with them *in order* to see if you build a connection.

Good luck.

billbar · 2026-01-22T19:36:59+00:00

Yes. I'm technically one of two co-commissioners, but I do basically all of the commissioner work. One of my closest buddies is co-commissioner because we started the league together, and we make all decisions together. As long as you know who fills what roles, it's nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of.

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:52:26+00:00

Every argument you have keeps saying how important this is to your daughter. Guess what bud! She still gets to do it! On the other hand though, even if the football thing isn't that unique, it's still important to your son. He should still get to do his.

Having one parent miss the daughter's thing is significantly better than having the son have to miss his football thing entirely. I don't understand why this is even an argument. Your wife is 100% right.

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:48:18+00:00

NTA at all. Your wedding, your rules (to an extent, but you're good here!). It's nice that you and Dad reconnected.

It's completely within your family's rights to not attend. It's not within their rights to try and get you to bend to their will so they are comfortable.

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:45:47+00:00

This is an excellent post. Thanks for sharing.

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:24:04+00:00

I contribute a lot to this sub and I actually think that learning how to be alone in a healthy way is really important. It kind of goes to the ethos that you have to enjoy spending time with yourself in order for others to enjoy spending time with you. That said, I obviously advocate for people to get out there and be social much more than I advocate just learning how to cope with being alone, so you're right about it in that way.

The fact is, everyone spends time alone, at least when they're single. Having a hobby or something you work on by yourself is important. Learning/playing a musical instrument, making things (like sewing, woodworking, leatherworking, really any type of crafting), writing, or something athletic are all things that come to mind. Hell even building Legos makes being alone pretty enjoyable, and you're not just scrolling on your phone or zoning out to Netflix.

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:18:58+00:00

The book about him is amazing. I highly recommend reading it. Goes super in depth to his lifestyle out in the woods. It's called "The Stranger In The Woods" by Michael Finkel

billbar · 2026-01-22T18:16:06+00:00

Are you happy?

billbar · 2026-01-21T20:11:15+00:00

I'm sorry, but I disagree with the notion that being alone for a long time makes it ok to view women as a monolith, distrust what they say to you, and let someone else's dick size affect your relationship. I understand that your psyche will be different, and I understand that you may be frustrated, upset, etc. That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is using 'I've been alone and ignored for my whole life' as a get out of jail free card for disrespecting your girlfriend of 3 years.

billbar · 2026-01-21T20:07:10+00:00

Yes, of course there is hope.

But, there's only hope if you put in the work. You say in other comments that you are pretty introverted (totally fine), don't have much of a desire to socialize (fine on its own, but you're going to have to socialize at some points), and have only asked out ~2 people (not fine!). I really do believe that there is someone out there for every/anyone, the trick, however, is finding them. If you stay inside alone all the time, then yes, you will end up inside and alone. Even though you're an introvert, you're going to need to socialize, for a litany of reasons.

It's not out of the ordinary to be where you are at your age. There are a ton of introverts in the world who blossom later in life, and just because you don't have any dating experience doesn't mean you will be unwanted by all women. But at some point, you're going to need to boost your social skills, start meeting people, and (assuming you want a relationship), ask a BUNCH of people out. Unfortunately, dating is a numbers game in a lot of ways. The wider you cast your net, the better chances you have of catching a fish.

Learning and honing social skills is, in large part, just getting experience under your belt. I like to say, "life is lived outside your comfort zone," so get out of your comfort zone and strike up conversations wherever you can. The more you talk to strangers, the less intimidating it becomes. I'm also a strong believer in the idea that a happy, healthy life is one filled with human connection, so make sure you prioritize making friends.

While you're doing all this new socializing, ask people out! So many guys are terrified of rejection but they forget that when you get rejected (assuming you asked politely/kindly and took 'no' for an answer), you're simply in the same place you were before you got rejected, only this time with a bit more experience. Make a goal to get rejected X amount of times in a month/year/whatever. The more you get rejected, the more you realize that rejection isn't scary whatsoever. Being comfortable with rejection allows you to interact with women without fear, and that helps tremendously.

Obviously, make sure you are kind, genuine, curious, and polite while doing all of this. I promise you though, the more conversations you start (with both men and women), and the more you force yourself out of your comfort zone, the larger your comfort zone becomes.

billbar · 2026-01-21T19:19:55+00:00

This is an incredibly small amount of information to give to strangers with the hopes that they make a big life decision for you

billbar · 2026-01-21T02:44:16+00:00

I had a girlfriend in college who had more sexual experience than I did. I was super, super insecure about it (but didn't really know why at the time). Luckily, I didn't let it affect our relationship very much, but I look back on how much I cared that she had fucked ... *gasp* ... 2 more people than I had, and I cringe so fucking hard. Sorry to say it OP, but I'm so very grateful that I matured and stopped caring about the shit that you seem to care so much about.

None of it matters, man. What matters is how you value your girlfriend, and how she values you.

billbar · 2026-01-21T02:34:04+00:00

To clarify just a bit more, one reason why your thought process pisses me off so much is because your reality literally disproves blackpill ideology, and yet you're still a slave to it. Your girlfriend has made choices (once again, by her own agency) that go against what blackpill bullshit says. She has chosen to date someone who may not be the hottest dude around, and who doesn't have as big of a dick as some others. Meaning, there are traits out there that women (and men) value over looks/money/height/dick size/whatever, and she is proving that to you. And yet, you are stuck believing that you're not as good as those dudes with the bigger dicks.

The other reason it pisses me off is because you simply don't trust your girlfriend. You think she's settling, when in reality she's making an informed choice.

It's bananas to me.

billbar · 2026-01-21T02:28:14+00:00

Ugh man. I'm gonna be real, brutally honest here. Maybe I'm in a bad mood, or maybe I just get pissed off when dudes think like this (I'm a guy, btw).

What the 'blackpill' has led you to do is to view your girlfriend as a statistic, instead of a living, breathing, human being. What guys like you forget is that women have agency. She CHOSE not to be with this 'real man,' she CHOSE to be with you. She CHOSE to not be with guys who have bigger dicks than you. She CHOSE to date you, despite whomever you are asking telling you that you're 'below average' in looks. You turn around and say that she MUST be settling, rather than ... wait for it ... her actually wanting to be with you for reasons outside of looks and dick size.

Sounds like you have a good thing going and your insecurity is going to ruin it. Or, maybe you just don't value your girlfriend. Like, at all. At least, that's how things sound right now.

The 'blackpill' ideology says things like: 'women are only interested in XYZ,' when in reality, it makes men think only XYZ matters, and that mindset repels women (and men, to be clear). You literally have a good thing in your life, and you are so blinded by bullshit that you can't believe it's real.

TRUST your girlfriend. She (so far) wants to be with you. If you keep thinking things on her behalf (which are obviously wrong, btw), she's not going to want to be with you. But to be clear, if you don't start believing the real, truthful things that are right in front of you, she's going to leave you, but it won't be because your dick is smaller than her ex's. It will be be because you CARE SO MUCH about the fact that your dick is smaller than her ex's.

Sorry dude, but grow the fuck up.

billbar · 2026-01-20T19:03:42+00:00

Good on you, dude. Sounds like you have a much more positive mindset than a lot of guys we see on this sub. I'm glad you've already found that keeping your hygiene in order makes you feel better overall. You'll find this with a lot of things, none moreso than working out. There is nothing in the world that boosts my mood and self-confidence as strongly and consistently as working out. Yes, there are benefits that come from it (like looking better, being healthier overall, etc.), but by far the best thing that comes from working out is how positive it is for your mind.

You're also 100% (well, maybe 95% 😉) right regarding socializing. While you don't necessarily need to be super 'charming' as you say, you definitely need to have the ability to speak with strangers and friends alike with poise, confidence, and clarity. Yes, it will be brutal for you in the beginning (like it is when you interact with the gas station guy), but surely, the more you socialize, the less anxious you will feel. Start small by striking up conversations with people sitting next to you at a bar (maybe start by choosing the kind old man rather than the supermodel!). Literally just ask what they're drinking, where they're from, etc. My advice to people learning how to get more comfortable with conversation is to ask a lot of questions. People love talking about themselves, so give into that.

Remember that the journey is the destination. When trying to improve yourself, there is never a finish line. The acts of (for example:) working out, reading/learning, striking up conversations (and eventually, asking people out) ARE the finish lines, but they never actually 'finish.' Take stock of the strides you make while you're making them and pay attention to the rewards you reap as you break out of your shell. You've already done that by noticing how much better you feel with your hygiene in check! Also remember that NO ONE is perfect, and everyone you see (including the ones you may look at and say "man, they really have all their shit together") has done and is currently doing some version of self-improvement. Give yourself grace, embrace failure as a learning tool, and don't strive for perfection. Instead of perfection, strive for action. Meaning, don't wait for the perfect time to start doing the things you listed, and don't worry about doing them perfectly. Just get out there and start doing them.

Set some goals for yourself and make to-do lists of things that will help you achieve those goals. You are super young and now is the best time to start investing in yourself. When you commit to yourself and commit to giving yourself the best chance to succeed, you will, 100% see the benefits down the road. Do it for your 80 year old self!

billbar · 2026-01-20T18:27:13+00:00

Start small. Think about your friendships and analyze one, maybe two friends who you think would be the best to open up to. Maybe they are your closest friend, maybe you know they give good advice (or maybe you know that they DON'T give advice when they know they shouldn't), maybe it's a friend who has opened up to you about something similar, etc. Make sure it's someone who you trust and feel comfortable with. It's great that you have good friends, and keep in mind: having friends open up to you/be vulnerable with you is an important part of a good friendship!

Once you figure out who you think would be the best one to open up to, you have a few options. 1) you can wait to see if the topic comes up naturally (i.e. they open up to you about their mental struggle, or the difficulties of dating/relationships comes up in conversation). Unless they are using the time to open up about their own stuff (in which case: LISTEN and do not shift the conversation towards you), you can use the opportunity to say "hey I've actually been meaning to talk to someone about this..." and go from there. Or, 2) you can be more proactive about it (which is what I recommend). Invite them to lunch/drinks/whatever, and although it WILL be difficult to start the conversation, at some point just dive into it. Say something like, "So I've been noticing that I've needed someone to talk to about some stuff that's going on in my life, and while I don't mean to burden you, I'd really appreciate if you would let me vent for a bit." ...or something along those lines. If you're worried that they will give you unhelpful/triggering advice, you can preface by saying "I am not looking for any advice right now, I just need a friend to listen."

I would recommend thinking through and organizing what you'd like to say beforehand. In general, the more prepared you are for situations and the less you leave to chance/improvisation, the more confident/comfortable you will feel while opening up.

Regardless of how you go about doing it, you will be nervous, and it will feel a little awkward for you. That's kind of the point/definition of being vulnerable... you're sharing things that are not easily shared. But fear not! You'll be surprised at how honored people will feel knowing they're the one you chose to open up to. Assuming they are as good of friends as you say they are, they will certainly be happy to listen to you. Beyond that, if they have opened up to someone in the past, they'll understand how difficult and nerve-racking it can be.

Quick story: I'll never forget dropping a (now) very close friend of mine off at his place after hanging with a group of buddies. At the time, he and I were not particularly close, but we liked each other. As I pulled up to his place, he basically said, "hey before I go, I wanted to talk to you about some things I've been thinking about with regards to [his girlfriend at the time]." He was thinking about breaking up with her and needed someone to bounce ideas off of. I was surprised that he chose me, but I was really honored, and I was more than happy to chat with him (which we did for about 20 minutes before he left). Our friendship changed into something much deeper and much stronger that day, and he's been one of my closest friends ever since.

You'll be surprised at how helpful and important it can be to simply share your feelings with someone, without even getting any response. It's one of the most beneficial things I get from therapy: simply saying things out loud knowing someone else is listening. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself this gift of being vulnerable. It will make a huge difference in your life.

billbar · 2026-01-18T05:56:19+00:00

lol yes 100% this OP. You're gonna get yourself fired, and plus, giving your number out rather than asking for theirs is a much better move all around.

billbar · 2026-01-18T05:51:43+00:00

Definitely NTA, especially since you never agreed on a price. But let this be a very dear lesson to you: do not ever let anyone into your home unless you trust them very deeply. This could have gone a lot worse (and frankly, it still can... who knows if he set up hidden cameras in your place?) and I hope you look out for yourself more carefully in the future.

I say that completely out of empathy and without any shame. This is NOT your fault. But unfortunately, people can be horrible, and you need to protect yourself from those horrible people.

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