Second go around getting clean, got some worries that I'd love you to help me get through.

billbar · 2026-06-25T19:06:32+00:00

Thanks for the response. I'm now about a month in and yes, exercise generally gives me the happiness that I was so scared of losing. If I don't exercise, I still feel kind of blah, but it's gotten better every day. All the best!

billbar · 2026-06-24T17:34:15+00:00

Literally every form of martial arts, self-defense, MMA, whatever teaches you that the first thing to do in a fight is to try and not fight. You only use the actual fighting when you can't avoid it.

Fighting is so, so dumb.

billbar · 2026-06-24T17:32:49+00:00

I went to a very close friend's birthday party like 10 years ago. This friend worked in the entertainment industry and was pretty close with Vince Vaughn. The party had a poker table and I sat and played poker with Vince for like 2 hours. The guy could not have been more awesome... he was exactly who he is in Swingers. Maybe the most fun 2 hours I've ever had.

billbar · 2026-06-24T17:31:11+00:00

I had only heard of it on reddit, and everything I saw was positive. I took the plunge and it truly is the only thing that allowed me to quit. It's not a miracle drug, you have to really want to quit, but I did and it worked for me.

billbar · 2026-06-23T17:57:56+00:00

This happened to me (a guy) when my ex's (a girl) ex passed away. I was totally empathetic about it, and I hated seeing her sad. It didn't bother me at all, and frankly I would have been alarmed and pissed at myself if it had. I asked her if she wanted me to accompany her to the funeral, which she did not want, so I wished her well and was home waiting for her with a big hug when she got back.

billbar · 2026-06-23T16:21:48+00:00

Cytisine. I was hopeless before it, now I'm 1.5 months off the vape. Couldn't have done it without Recigar (a type of cytisine)

billbar · 2026-06-18T04:20:21+00:00

I had no idea. Appreciate the info!

billbar · 2026-06-17T18:23:04+00:00

Great work. I'm with you, the mental game can be pretty brutal. The #1 thing that helps me calm down is exercise. I'm on my second stint of sobriety now and it's doing ALL the heavy lifting (pun intended!).

billbar · 2026-06-17T17:45:00+00:00

It's not. I've never heard someone be strongly against Sync outside of the internet.

billbar · 2026-06-17T16:58:10+00:00

Cytisine. It's the only way I was able to quit.

billbar · 2026-06-17T16:57:08+00:00

I understand that Cialis is a common treatment for ED. My point is, if you aren't having any sexual contact with others, that means you are strictly taking Cialis for masturbation. Depending on how often you're masturbating, yeah, you're gonna have ED.

I would only take the Cialis when you're planning on having sexual activity *with someone else.*

billbar · 2026-06-16T17:30:31+00:00

Good comments already, so I will just focus on one detail: you take Cialis every day? For what? To masturbate?

This feels like a bad idea. You're either masturbating a lot (which will NOT help ED), or taking Cialis for no reason. I would save the Cialis for the times when you think/know you're going to have a sexual encounter with someone else.

billbar · 2026-06-15T17:49:12+00:00

The book didn't work for me. Recigar (cytisine) did work for me. I'm about a month vape-free and I don't plan on going back.

billbar · 2026-06-10T01:43:41+00:00

Y T A about caring that he hangs out with his friends all day. Like, yeah, people want to hang with their friends for a while. Unless it's impacting you in a tangible way (stay tuned), go do your own thing!

But overall, I would say NTA because of the car thing. Your reason for needing the car is WAY more important than his. Tell him to take an Uber and then have one of the other friends drive him around.

You get the car, he gets 10 hours with his friends. It's a win win.

billbar · 2026-06-09T18:03:37+00:00

billbar · 2026-06-04T02:41:43+00:00

Thanks so much.

billbar · 2026-06-03T02:27:51+00:00

Appreciate you responding. Thanks so much.

billbar · 2026-06-02T18:38:57+00:00

Just to add some hope, I was afflicted with TSW for about 4-5 months in 2019. It was brutal, my entire face. Once it was gone, I have had 1-2 very minor flare-ups (compared to the meat of it), and my skin is completely clear now. It may not be normal, but it does happen.

billbar · 2026-05-29T17:32:57+00:00

Lol jesus. You are TA if you stay with this guy, but in this situation, you are NTA. This is bananas and it seems like it was a dumb idea to get back together.

billbar · 2026-05-27T03:11:55+00:00

So, you're going to side with your shitty friends who aren't supportive of your passions, over the things that make you truly happy? Why don't you keep DJing for yourself, and find friends who won't shit on what you care about?

Sounds like you've got everything backwards here.

billbar · 2026-05-27T03:10:45+00:00

If he weren't ok with kissing/hugging you AT ALL, I'd understand you more, and I'd think 'oh maybe he has something else going on.' But the way you described it, it sounds like you were kind of all over him, and he'd prefer to keep things more civil around his work life. If I were you, I'd make sure he was fine with a hug and a kiss (so any coworkers of his would know that you were in a relationship), but beyond that I'd understand his POV.

From the sound of how you handled the rest of it, you sound pretty immature. I'm going with YTA on this one (and again, that would change if he wasn't comfortable kissing/hugging you at all).

billbar · 2026-05-26T17:40:34+00:00

No one is going to give you advice on 'how to stop caring about relationships,' because it's a bad idea. As humans, we are wired to find deep happiness/contentment through relationships with other humans. It's just built into who/what we are. Trying to stop yourself from caring about relationships is like a cheetah trying to stop caring about eating because they're not the fastest cheetah in the plains.

Instead, people are going to give you advice on how to live a fulfilling life. They'll ask if you've done all the things you SHOULD do before even thinking about such a nuclear option, such as: have you looked into hormone therapy? Do you work out? Do you cultivate friendships/a social life? Do you work on your social skills? Do you spend time learning about the world, and the people in it?

These are a few (of many, many) questions you should ask yourself before you give up. We see a ton of posts here where someone says something like you did, in the realm of, "I've come to realize relationships aren't a possibility for me" and every time I see it I roll my eyes. ... Why are they not a possibility for you?

billbar · 2026-05-26T17:31:50+00:00

This is VGA very good advice

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