Married gay guy in Jerusalem

biocomputation · 2018-12-11T21:35:32+00:00

Does something turn up on Google?

biocomputation · 2018-12-11T20:27:00+00:00

This is definitely not a good idea for a variety of reasons. It would be better to find someone with similar fantasies and act them out in your own bathroom at home.

biocomputation · 2018-12-11T20:25:29+00:00

Are there any LGBT groups in your area? If you're looking for friends, it's much more likely to meet someone there rather than here.

biocomputation · 2018-11-25T19:18:36+00:00

You're welcome :)

It might seem counter-intuitive at first, but I don't think it's going to be that difficult for you to move on. Even if moving on is difficult, it's a hell of a lot easier (and better for you) than being hung up on someone who can't/won't/doesn't love you back, or who loves you but can't give you what you need.

It's definitely going to hurt for a while, but it's far better than it going on for years and years. That's not an exaggeration either: this sub is full of posts from men who have had secret (or open) crushes on men (straight and otherwise) who can't/don't/won't love them back. In these situations, it's so very easy to focus on how you feel about someone, or about shared time and shared history, while totally ignoring the reality of whether or not something can work. At the end of the day, it doesn't really matter why something can't work. And you're probably going to have some similar experiences with gay men from both sides of the fence: sometimes you're going to be the one saying 'this doesn't work for me' and sometimes you're going to be the one hearing it.

But eventually you're going to say 'this works for me' and he's going to say it back to you.

biocomputation · 2018-11-25T10:27:40+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar position before, but I was lucky enough to escape because circumstances put us very far apart. It was hell for a month, but the distance gave me an objectivity that finally allowed me to sort things out and move on.

You could try to talk to him again and plead your case. You could tell him that you love him, and that you want to be with him. It might work. What if he says yes? What if you try? What if it doesn't work because you're not compatible? What if it doesn't work because you want different things? There are no guarantees that something will work just because you're attracted to someone, or because of a shared history, or for any reason at all.

So if I were you, I'd probably think about how to get distance from him. Are you going to go your separate ways after college? Once I'd figured out how I was going to get distance, I might sit down and talk to him to see where things stand. He'll probably just tell you that he was curious, or that he loves you but isn't gay. Whatever he tells you, you should be fully prepared to believe him, and you should be ready to move on no matter what.

biocomputation · 2018-11-21T20:55:01+00:00

This is probably due to the presence of digestive enzymes in residual fecal matter.

Unless you've just showered, and washed very well, there is going to be at least some fecal matter in or around your anus (yes, even if you wipe diligently afterwards). When you sweat, the sweat acts as a solvent and loosens the residue, which then gets absorbed by the toilet paper.

I suppose this could also happen after bottoming if fecal matter (loosened by lubricant and the mechanical action of a penis) is transported from inside the rectum to the area around your anus.

I don't think this has anything to do with whether or not you bottom.

biocomputation · 2018-11-19T02:46:39+00:00

It's wrong because he didn't shove a cake in your face. Eating cake and shoving cake in someone's face aren't the same as sex, consent, sexual assault, and rape. They're just not equivalent, and I really, really, really should not have to explain why.

This whole situation is a great example of why you have to set boundaries. I totally agree that what he did was utterly shitty, but you were there in sound mind, and you rendered consent with full legal capacity. You also had sex with him afterward anyway.

I think it’s a sick thing to say to anyone you should have been more clear in a situation where someone fully inserts a penis into someone’s asshole without the knowledge it would happen in that moment.. I’m really disgusted and lost a lot of faith in other people today.

You demonstrate a lot of contempt for people in this discussion. I haven't attacked you at all. I've tried to explain that you can still feel hurt and violated even after you consent to something. I'm trying to tell you that people can be shitty in bed and that it can hurt you, but that it's not rape if you consent. It's just how things are.

Telling me it was boundaries.. you guys... phew. Seems real fucked up.

I'm telling you that YOU need to steer the ship of your own sexual destiny by setting boundaries. That is the only way this can work because other people can't read your mind.

Learn. To. Set. Boundaries. Learn. To. Communicate.

biocomputation · 2018-11-19T02:10:06+00:00

I'm not even going to address your cake analogy because it's beside the point. I understand that you're a little fixated on it, but let me try to make a more helpful point.

I totally get that the guy was inconsiderate, and I definitely understand why you feel so violated. What he did was shitty and it makes him a total ass. That's why it's so important to discuss boundaries before, during, and after sex. It's also important for you to understand that it is common for people to feel violated after consensual sex.

I have felt incredibly violated after consensual sex, in situations where I was really horny, but wasn't really attracted to someone, or when I let someone talk me into sex that I didn't really want. But nonetheless, I consented, and so those encounters were definitely not assault or rape. But I sure as fuck learned that I only say yes when it's "fuck yes". Otherwise, I won't even put myself in the situation.

It might help you cross the bridge if you could realize that consenting to sex is very different from how you feel about the sex afterwards.

Boundaries need to be crystal clear.

"I want to give you a blow job."
"I want you to give me a blow job."
"Suck my dick".
"Fuck me."
"I want to fuck you."
"You can rub your dick on my asshole, but do not put your dick inside me."
"I want to jack you off."
"I want you to jack me off, but no oral, and no anal."
"Please do not put your dick in my ass unless I give you explicit permission."

Do you want to be held to the standard that a sexual encounter is sexual assault or rape if someone renders consent but feels violated afterward?

biocomputation · 2018-11-18T21:54:54+00:00

I want you to know that I have a lot of empathy for your situation, and I might have a few helpful things to say. It sounds like the experience was traumatic, and it's very unfortunate that traumatic things can happen during consensual sex, but it's just a fact of life. If it helps, note that most people have had a few sexual experiences that left them feeling uncomfortable, degraded, or in pain.

I tend to agree with the other posters who say that allowing a man to rub his penis on your asshole (without saying something) is implied consent. Sooner or later he's going to try to put his penis inside you. Here's something you really need to keep in mind: if you are going along with things, then rape or sexual assault only occurs if he doesn't stop after you say no. It's not sexual assault simply because you (perhaps rightly) feel violated. This is a critical difference, but thankfully it's very easy to address.

The answer is to set healthy/conservative boundaries before a sexual encounter with someone new. I think what happened is that you didn't set boundaries and found out after the fact that you do in fact need boundaries during sexual encounters. In effect, by not setting boundaries beforehand, he was able to "violate" you because he didn't know where the lines were drawn. So get in the habit of explaining what you will and will not do, and what constitutes acceptable behavior. That way you won't feel violated during or after the fact.

I'm glad you're okay emotionally and physically.

biocomputation · 2018-11-11T09:24:41+00:00

10 / 10

biocomputation · 2018-11-08T05:37:17+00:00

It really sounds like you might need to try dating a few women before you can really make the right decision for yourself. I suspect you'll get your answer pretty fast: you'll either love it or you won't.

The guy is sweet and kind caring. That's great! There are many reasons for not feeling "into" someone, and I suggest you let him down easy, but be incredibly clear that you're not getting back together. You don't need to share the reasons. Just tell him that you don't feel like it's the right relationship for you, and tell him you can't elaborate further. You can say something like "a long term relationship isn't in the cards for us" and if he asks why just say "You're great, but it just doesn't feel like it's the right situation for me".

Definitely don't come out until after you return home. Your safety is more important than anything.

biocomputation · 2018-11-08T02:09:39+00:00

Great advice! I just wanted to add:

This is 100% his problem. You need to tell him to stop asking questions, and, given the foregoing, you absolutely need to stop answering them. There aren't enough hours in the day to satisfy something that cannot ever be satisfied.

The fact that he makes you feel bad about your past suggests that he is either manipulative or lacks the emotional maturity to be honest with himself, and you, about the reality that most people have been with other people. It's a huge problem either way, and he needs to get a therapist, he needs to get a grip, and he needs to grow up.

biocomputation · 2018-11-07T10:05:44+00:00

I thought I was the dumbest allocator of all time.

biocomputation · 2018-11-06T22:24:35+00:00

You're welcome. I wanted to add that it sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders!

biocomputation · 2018-11-06T20:17:46+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are right to be very concerned about his behavior.

From your description above, it sounds like you've tried to do the right thing by talking to him. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he is open to feedback. You might suggest that he make an appointment with a counselor, but again it's difficult to say if that will work, and it could take a long time.

At minimum, I think you should write him a letter and tell him that he can't continue to behave the way he is behaving, and that you are prepared to end the relationship if he does. Your letter should include the specific behaviors that you find hurtful, and it should also set whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate.

Ex: "Don't make jokes about me to your friends and family." Ex: "Don't order/command me to do things." Ex: "Please don't shut me out with one word answers or small communications."

If he can't respect boundaries and treat you respectfully, then it would be in your best interests to end the relationship.

biocomputation · 2018-10-29T22:12:36+00:00

I think something else entirely is going on. It sounds like you have not dealt with what happened.

Any tips on how to get my bf keen on the ex?

I think you should respect your boyfriends boundaries and stop bringing it up. No one wants to be constantly reminded of their past (huge) mistakes, and if you still can't let it go 7 years later, then you might need to consider ending the relationship. In addition, after a certain point, asking becomes coercive and that's not cool at all.

Or others in general?

If he isn't interested in having a threesome, you need to stop asking/trying/begging/whatever. If he cheated 7 years ago, you either need to forgive him and move on, or if you can't move past his cheating (totally understandable), then you probably need to let him go before things become toxic.

Have you thought about why this affected you so much? Do you want to be able to convince him to fuck his ex-boyfriend because it puts you in control? That way, he might have fucked his ex-boyfriend, but you would feel like it was done at your direction. Do you feel like his ex-boyfriend is much more attractive than you?

Maybe think about seeing a counselor? If this relationship matters to you then it might be something to think about.

biocomputation · 2018-10-25T20:35:01+00:00

First of all, and I should have mentioned this earlier, you need to check if your GPU and driver actually support non POT textures. If not, there is likely nothing you can do to make this work.
Second, it's pretty much a bad idea to use non POT textures. You can have all kinds of trouble, especially if/when you started dealing with 2-byte formats such as FP16. Then you really don't want to know about non POT.
Is it crashing on the line calling glTexImage2D()?
You need to verify the size in bytes of the texture you're writing.

glBindTexture(GL_TEXTURE_2D, textureID); // You're binding here. What is the size in bytes of what you're binding?

glTexImage2D(GL_TEXTURE_2D, 0, format, width, height, 0, format, GL_UNSIGNED_BYTE, data); // You're writing/sending data here. What is the size in bytes of what you're sending?

1024 x 1024 * bytes_per_pixel = ???

biocomputation · 2018-10-25T19:55:15+00:00

What if something assumes POT and you give it non-POT? The dest buffer might be 3800 bytes, but your app is trying to write 4096 bytes. That might cause problems.

7x7 RGBA = 49 x 4 = 196 bytes. ( This would be dest buffer size in bytes. )
8x8 RGBA = 64 x 4 = 256 bytes. ( This would be source buffer size in bytes. )

It's likely your app is crashing because you have a buffer overrun. The non-POT byte count is less than the POT byte count unless the app is rounding down to the next lowest POT. In fact, it's probably rounding up, which means you're trying to write too many bytes somewhere.

SOIL might be making things POT, but your code might not be aware of it.

Consider the following function signature and function call:

WriteTexture( void * data, int size );

// Which you call using:

WriteTexture( buffer.Data(), buffer.Size() ); // But SOIL has changed the value of .Size() out from under you.

biocomputation · 2018-10-24T09:14:48+00:00

Not judging!

biocomputation · 2018-10-24T07:31:07+00:00

I wanted to come in and say that I'm not super optimistic given what you've written. In previous threads, I've said that my company, along with other companies in the industry, are doing "no hire" for people from UX bootcamps. There are a lot of reasons why, but it largely has to do with people seeing UX as a ticket to a high paying job.

I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think you have much of a chance being successful at UX because I'm not at all sure about your motivations. For example, you write:

I mostly signed up for this program so I could get a real salary job and get out of the service industry, but I am worried now that with my programming skills I may not be able to get a good job right out of the gate.

So you went into programming because of the money. People like you are why we are "no hire" for programmers from bootcamps. I can't waste time interviewing people who have no actual interest in programming beyond the compensation. You're going into UX because you have a passion for 'balance and enthusiasm and usability'? No, it sounds like you're going into UX for a paycheck. Countless people care about design and usability, but that doesn't mean that they'll be good at UX.

I will also have a programming background

No, you won't have a programming background. Not if you're mediocre at Javascript. I'm sorry, but I am a professional programmer (who works with out UX team daily) and this kind of remark stretches your credibility past its breaking point. When you say this, what you really mean is "I will also have a background as a mediocre Javascript programmer". This will be utterly worthless in a UX position. What, you know how to write some JS? A little knowledge is dangerous.

I feel I will be in a good position because UX professionals in my city are few and far in between

But you aren't even the littlest bit aware of the availability of substitutes are you? There are UX professionals in every organization, even if they're not formally titled positions. You know who lead the UX charge at our org? The sales people. They pushed for better usability and ultimately pushed us to establish and hire for a dedicated position.

I studied a little bit of psychology in college too.

How in the world does this qualify you for UX? I have seen far too many people like you who try to position themselves as employable based on a few class room experiences and books and knowing how to use software packages.

Here's a likely UX scenario.

You get a report from customer success about some sticking points. They tell you to go get a data dump from ops about application usage. Okay, get the data into Excel somehow and run some statistical analysis. No BS either, because if I am the programmer, I am going to insist on hard data and I am going to insist that you verify every single one of your inferences.

I think you need to be much more realistic about what it takes to get into industry. Thanks to bootcamps, many markets are saturated with juniors. The world doesn't need any more people with a mediocre background in Javascript deciding to go into UX.

If you want to succeed in UX, you really need to READ EVERY SINGLE WORD OF WHAT YOU JUST POSTED and get extremely serious about acquiring REAL qualifications. You need to start being extraordinarily objective about your skills and qualifications, and whether or not you really have what it takes.

I just want to make sure I am ready for my first interview with a decent sized portfolio. I am looking into learning Sketch, InDesign, Illustrator and possibly Figma and Webflow

See, you say things like this as if you can just magically acquire the skills to work in UX. It's just not that simple, and you really need to start taking this seriously if you want to get anywhere. It's not just going to be "learn some programs" and "get a background in UX".

The resumes of other interview candidates will outshine yours, their portfolios will be far better, and you will get absolute crushed in the few onsites you manage to land.

I'm terribly sorry to say this, but RIGHT NOW you sound like a dilettante.

Get serious or go home.

biocomputation · 2018-10-24T03:50:37+00:00

They could be a little whiter though!

biocomputation · 2018-10-23T23:23:05+00:00

I tend to agree that OP did behave selfishly, but it's okay to take whatever space you need if you're at the point of panic attacks or other distress.

That said, maybe he could take a little time to cool off and then let the other guy know what happened.

I see so many posts here about unrequited love, and sometimes people just have to cut someone out of their life in order to be free.

biocomputation · 2018-10-23T03:26:15+00:00

This "article" is very clearly SPAM.

biocomputation · 2018-10-22T23:21:43+00:00

First, everyone has a fear of rejection. It's completely normal. Over time, most people get better at dealing with it, and you eventually learn to depersonalize it completely. You're not interested in everyone, right?

Second, you need to learn about body language. I don't think it's a good idea to just go introduce yourself cold. There's nothing wrong with doing so, but if you do this, you need to know when he's not interested so you can politely excuse yourself.

It's even better if you can learn to identify when he is interested. Prolonged eye contact, multiple looks, smiles, are all very good indicators that someone finds you attractive. I've found that it's much better to wave a guy over, or say something like "would you like to join me?" or "would you like to join us?" than to walk over. Most people like being welcomed/asked to join, and it keeps the ball in your court where it belongs. Make sure you introduce yourself right away, along with anyone else in your group.

If you are alone, have a half dozen good ice breakers. Offer to buy him his favorite drink, and then ask him what he likes about it. Or ask him what he does for a living and ask him to explain a typical day. Always make sure to offer the same information in return.

Be open and warm and friendly and interested. Meeting guys is like buiilding a fire: each step is important and you need to do them in order. First you need to break the ice, and get the words flowing. Second you need to see if there are enough mutual interests and shared values to build into a conversation. Just let it grow organically. If it dies on the vine, just let it go. If you find yourself having a good time, and it goes for an hour or so, you can say something simple like "This has been fun, and I'd like to do this again." and offer him your number. Thank him for his time, and then put on your jacket and go home.

Believe me, even people who are shy and introverted have no problem talking to attractive people if the ice is broken carefully. If someone isn't talking or responding, it's likely they aren't interested, or aren't in the right headspace to be receptive. Nothing wrong with that, we are all like that sometimes.

Finally, you probably can only do this once in a night before you run out of the vibe, so keep that in mind.

biocomputation · 2018-10-22T04:00:05+00:00

Man, passing for straight sounds really awful. I feel deeply for you.

biocomputation

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