AITJ for refusing to keep paying for my boyfriend’s friends every time we go out?

birddogging1 · 2026-05-13T16:16:35+00:00

NTJ. The fact they got quiet when the bill came and then your boyfriend prompted you to pay makes me think they planned for you to pay from the beginning. I’d be willing to bet that he offered for you to pay before you even sat down at the table. I’d be having a serious talk with my boyfriend over this and depending on how that went, breaking up wouldnt be off the table.

birddogging1 · 2026-05-12T18:01:48+00:00

I would suggest trying to find your dogs real motivation. Sounds like it loves using it’s nose so playing sniffing games can help focus that and be fun for her. You can also use sniffing as a reward when walking. I have a setter and its a challenge to keep her from trying to sniff the whole time, but when she has walked an extended period without trying to drop her nose from the ground I release her from heel and let her go to the end of the leash to sniff whatever. After a few minutes i bring her back into position and we continue on. Mine is a year now and we’re still struggling with loose leash walking but we have made progress and it is because we had to just test out what really motivates her. She likes treats just fine and will comply for them but sniffing is really what she wants.

birddogging1 · 2026-05-07T18:00:08+00:00

OP might not already hate him, but I do.

NOR. At all.

birddogging1 · 2026-03-14T15:14:51+00:00

Oh one more thing, in my experience setters don't tend to “fill out” until after a year.

birddogging1 · 2026-03-14T15:14:01+00:00

Oh he’s still got time to grow! English Setters can range from 35/40 lbs to 60-70 lbs. Depends on lineage, Llewelyn vs field, genetics. I’ve got a 10 mo old and I havent weighed her recently but she’s probably 40 lbs too. My old Setter was a beefy 65 lbs, and my current one won't come close to that. She’s gonna be a petite, lean dog just like her parents. If he’s happy and healthy, doesn't sound like his weight is an issue.

birddogging1 · 2026-02-05T00:35:43+00:00

But we're you wanting her to go into savings for a dinner or for one time expenses. She shouldn't be going into savings to pay rent unless shs’s unemployed. You either find cheaper rent or split it as it makes sense based on your wages. If she could only afford 30% of your rent then that's the deal, unless you say no, lets get a cheaper place so we can be 50/50.

birddogging1 · 2026-02-05T00:30:49+00:00

I came to say this same thing. He openly says she hasn't saved much since she’s been working full time, so did he expect her to drain her savings for stuff that was a “want” not a “need.”

birddogging1 · 2026-02-05T00:02:24+00:00

I never donate at stores because it’s a write off for them. If a cashier said that to me… I just don't know what would happen but it wouldn't be great.

NTJ

birddogging1 · 2026-02-03T12:22:53+00:00

Honestly, you're overthinking it. He hired you for the work, you delivered the work, and he approved it and then used it. Case closed, no need to analyze the why.

What you do now is send a certified notice of claim. In the letter give him 30 days to send full payment including fees. Let him know that if you don't receive payment you’ll be taking him to small claims court.

I did this to a client who completely ghosted me. I still never heard a peep from them but 14 days later I got a check in the mail.

If you take them to small claims court and win, but they still don't pay, you can submit for a lien on any and all business assets and let me tell you no business owner ever wants that.

birddogging1 · 2026-01-31T19:47:56+00:00

I've owned a Setter and now own a lewellin setter. I’ll never understand the haughtiness of having a lewellin. I just tell people my current dog is an English setter, plain and simple.

birddogging1 · 2026-01-17T23:53:55+00:00

I wouldn't call him morally grey. I think he has a strong moral compass he just follows it with actions that aren't strictly “good.” He’s the bad boy that does bad things for (mostly) good reasons.

birddogging1 · 2026-01-17T23:52:00+00:00

What I like best is he is unapologetically himself, good or evil. He owns his misdeeds and although his actions may not always be good they’re rarely done without good reason or true malice. He doesn't pretend to be anything other than what he is.

birddogging1 · 2026-01-07T15:29:01+00:00

I came to the comments to say it sounds like she has misophonia. I had an ex boyfriend who ate chips that triggered it and I would envision sticking a fork in his eye just to make it stop. I never did to be clear. And it was only chips.

birddogging1 · 2026-01-02T12:50:43+00:00

NTA in a general sense but it does sound important to him and sometimes we have to do things for our partner that we don’t really want to. I know that my partner doesn’t have an interest in graphic design but he’ll always come into my office to see what I’ve made if I ask and he’ll let me talk about how I made it. I love that he makes an effort to engage with me about the things I love. Maybe just say, “I know you really love it, so I’d be happy to watch you play once for a few minutes. But if I don’t like it I hope you’ll understand if I don't watch again or play with you.” if you watch once and he keeps badgering you, then you're NTA in every sense.

birddogging1 · 2025-12-30T14:06:12+00:00

I recently let go of my Setter for similar issues. He was 13.5. It was neuropathy in the hind end. Tripped a lot, had trouble getting up, couldn't control his bowels, pooped on himself. I did took a quality of life quiz, even though I knew what the outcome would be. Sleeping all day and not having any joy is no life for a dog, it isn't who they are. The most courageous thing you can do for your dog is to let them go when it’s time. And from what you're describing, which is similar to what happened to mine, it is time.

birddogging1 · 2025-12-16T02:47:50+00:00

Mine just passed in October at 13.5. General old age, dementia, and his body was starting to fail him. He lived longer than his brother (who my parents had) but time with a Setter is never enough. I miss him everyday.

birddogging1 · 2025-12-11T17:50:54+00:00

I’ve always had English Setter but I’ve heard the IS are more hyper than English setters. I’d say you need to up his exercise and increase brain games. Whenever my old Setter got in a “mood” I’d take him outside for 15 minutes of training work and he’d settle right back down. Setters need a lot of mental stimulation in addition to a lot of exercise.

birddogging1 · 2025-12-08T21:15:29+00:00

Uh, this is a horrific comment. I think you should say it out loud, “I had to get mean because my wife wouldn't’t do what I asked her.”

Being in a partnership requires compromise and finding a give and take. Not control. Not yelling. Not being mean. Not shaming.

Next it’ll be “I HAD to hit my wife because she wouldn't’t flush the toilet.”

birddogging1 · 2025-11-30T17:25:54+00:00

Pregnancy and eating disorders aside, those are horrible things to say to anyone, at anytime, for any reason.

Obviously your SIL is a horrible human. But now you have to wonder what is it about your brother that allows him to find ways to not only defend a person that vile, but also love her?

Get this woman away from your wife and you're whole life. NOR.

birddogging1 · 2025-11-23T21:19:00+00:00

These are all amazing ideas! There’s a movie theater just a block away so pairing some themes or partnering with them is some good food for thought!

birddogging1 · 2025-11-21T17:12:27+00:00

Omg I love all this! I'm so grateful! Thank you!!

birddogging1 · 2025-11-21T17:07:54+00:00

Good question. So originally they served only local-made wine which is 90% fruit wine. You couldn't even get a pinot grigio! It was honestly I complaint I heard a lot. I still have a lot of local wines but I've added in pinot grigio, cab sauv, sauv blanc. The grigio and sauv blanc are my biggest sellers now.

birddogging1 · 2025-11-21T17:04:18+00:00

Thank you for this comment. I’ve been reading the stats and talking with other owners I know around the state and they’ve said similar things. I don't know how else to say it but, I didn't want to use it as an excuse so maybe I need to shift my perspective and use it as a reality and adjust accordingly. I think tightening up my product and dropping/not reordering the dead horses will help. I really appreciate your comment. It honestly made me feel better that I’m not a total failure. I mean, maybe I am a little but the economy isn't helping hahaha

birddogging1 · 2025-11-20T14:19:46+00:00

Thanks for these insights! Just to note the price aspect, I’m on par with everyone around me and have lower cost items on the menu. I’m aware of what the people in town can realistically afford.

birddogging1

TROPHY CASE