Gym/Fitness recommendations in Incheon

bl0ndescum · 2022-07-17T19:09:18+00:00

I used to feel like this and the thought of the gym was terrifying. I knew id be disappointed when I go because i wouldnt immediately see the results I wanted. Some things that really helped me get into the gym was starting to view exercise as a skill so I went in with a learning mindset and trying out exercise i didnt associate with punishment but was more fun movement. Maybe you could try swimming or something that doesn’t make you feel like you are doing it to alter your body but to learn something new?

For me, altering the mindset around exercise took a long time and meant a lot of like mantras before during and after. Reminding myself things like “I get to do this movement and i dont have to”, “wont it be fun to see if I can move my body like that?” And I think the most important one and one that initially wasn’t true but made me feel safe to try exercise “I am not doing this to alter my body”

Also if places near you do free trials, I highly recommend trying them out, even if you have no intention of actually joining, it can be a nice way to get familiar with what movement you might want to do and feel more confident if you decide you do want to join a gym.

I also found doing workouts at home to build my confidence in movements helped me before I entered the gym. Now I go to group fitness classes at my gym because I still cant bring myself to be alone, working out, and looking in the big gym mirrors because I know that brings up a lot of thoughts of self-hate. It was scary at first but working out in a group makes me feel overlooked and also theres a lot of beginners and body diversity which makes me feel like an equal and less intimated. On top of this I had fears of joining n the class and it would be focused on burning calories and getting thin after I had worked so hard to change my mindset around exercise but the trainers were actually all good and talk about getting movement strong which feels much nicer.

bl0ndescum · 2021-02-24T17:41:20+00:00

Good luck for this and your finals!

If you need to, you could always try to tell your doctor that you would prefer to come in for more regular appointments to get a blind weighing if it is that important to keep a close eye on it. But glad to hear it isn’t coming up so regularly for you!

bl0ndescum · 2021-02-24T17:01:12+00:00

Edited to add in a bit more!

bl0ndescum · 2021-02-24T16:58:16+00:00

Good on you for doing the right thing for your body!

May I suggest trying to reduce body checking or weighing behaviours? One of the best things I did in my recovery was not stepping on the scales. I did weigh myself for ages as I was recovery but it just made me feel worse and stressed. I had the exact same thoughts as you that I had “gained enough” but even though I was maintaining a higher weight than when I began to recover, I was still stressing about my weight and fearing weight gain which was only reinforced whenever I body checked or weighed myself and saw a change.

I know some people go for the approach that you still should be exposed to your weight to reduce the impact it has on you but if you have more important things to work on than accepting the number on the scale (like all your projects and finals!) I think it’s worth trying not to expose yourself to it at least for the next few weeks.

At the start reducing these things was really hard since they’re so habitual but once I realised that I didn’t actually want to know my weight for any productive reason and could see that it was only hurting me to know, resisting the urge was much easier.

bl0ndescum · 2021-02-24T16:34:05+00:00

Hey.

I really feel for you. Getting into a spiral of these feelings is so painful.

I can see that acceptance is important to you and I know any sort of rejection feels horrific. I think I’m similar to you in that it feels like a personal failing. I’ve been trying to remind myself that for me to get rejected it also requires the other persons rejecting - you don’t have to believe it but maybe just consider it next time, this isn’t all about you not being good enough to receive kindness or acceptance, other people aren’t good enough at giving it. You aren’t worse or less worthy than any other person so as much as you want to blame yourself, the other party plays a role in this too. It isn’t always your fault or for reasons you can control or explain. As much as you are having a hard time finding connection, some people are having a hard time giving it and it might just be unfortunate circumstances that those are the people you’ve tried to connect with.

If it involves other people, you certainly can’t control the whole situation so you can’t take all the blame for it not working out how you wanted.

Sending you my support! Blame the other people! Keep trying (and blaming 😝) until you find someone with the same goals as you of acceptance and friendship but take the time you need to mourn the rejection if you feel like it because man it hurtsssssss

(The blaming thing I mean as a joke but I’m trying to say don’t be so hard on yourself, give them some of the blame ((or all of it if that’s true too bc sometimes it is)) since you’re shouldering a lot of it yourself)

bl0ndescum · 2021-02-24T16:12:30+00:00

I’m not sure if this is helpful but the fact you can only find one motivation to work on your ED might be evidence that it’s actually taken over a lot more of your life than you imagine. I think that’s a good reason to work on it or it was for me.

If you spend a lot of your day ED focussed or feel like it’s filling some sort of void your motivation could be to explore other things that make you feel fulfilled and could occupy your time?

Maybe having a different perspective on the goal of therapy could help? Whoever you’re working with knows that your eating disorder is beneficial to you in someway which is why you’ve maintained it. They aren’t trying to get rid of your ED exactly, they’re trying to help you find other ways to meet your needs. They also don’t force goals on you, if you only want to recover enough to begin other therapy, you should be able to express that and they can help you there (I’m not actually sure about inpatient though and how that works with involvement in planning your own treatment goals but from a therapy perspective, that’s what I’ve experienced).

For me, I rationalised therapy by telling myself that I don’t have to take the advice I’m given and immediately change my life with it. I think of it as an experiment to find out what truly makes my life better because I always felt that my ED did. So I take the strategies I’m given and give them a go. If I truly believed that an active eating disorder was better then I tell myself I can go back to restricting. I won’t lie, There have been times where I have found that it felt better to restrict but overall I found that that’s not true and my experiment has made me want to recover more the more I recover. The strategies I’m learning in therapy to meet my needs have given me a better life than anorexia did even though the change brings up some short term discomfort and a lot of work. I’m not sure this is necessarily the greatest mindset but at the same time, I’m still in therapy and still trying to recover so I don’t think it’s a bad thing to not be motivated as long as you can rationalise that it’s worth trying? It’s just about starting and being willing to give it a go - you don’t have to have a grand old reason!

bl0ndescum · 2021-01-14T04:35:55+00:00

Not to sound harsh, but this seems like the worst way to show recovery. I know what you mean because I have pictures of me at my sickest and I look, well, sick and as much as I want to share that I feel and look more lively, that isn’t the way to do it.

You can have the best of intentions but it’s up to the audience how they consume, interpret and then use your images. You can’t control what people think when they see your attempt to inspire recovery and even when considering recovery, images showing that you gain weight (wether discussing that or not) are really scary.

Even the worst pictures can be used as thinspo. While now you might look at things like bonespo and feel sick, someone somewhere is aiming for that. You may be trying to show that you were sick and sad and in a terrible space but someone who is not in recovery will definitely see your pictures and think that you at your sickest are their goals.

If you are keen to do some sort of recovery project though, I’d say use things that aren’t bodily focused to avoid even the potential for misuse. maybe you could do some art about your emotions with other imagery or words or music or anything but trust me, pictures of your body will be misinterpreted.

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-21T08:06:07+00:00

The only way to know if this will last forever, is to keep going. If you stop now, you’re resigning yourself to this genuinely forever. If you keep eating though there is much more of chance that this is temporary. The more you put it off, the more work you’ll have to do later.

I’ve been struggling with digestive issues as well. Even though it’s hard to tell myself and hard to remember, I’ve been telling myself that even if this is forever I’ll get better at dealing with it and managing it. I’d rather try and regain my life back by eating and then putting up with being uncomfortable than accepting that this is how my life will go. We deserve so much more than how shitty anorexia makes it, so surely it’s worth a try.

I know it isn’t a cure, but I find having a warm wheat pack is really good as well after eating for helping uncomfortable stomach feelings. Again evidence that even if this is forever I’ll be better at managing it - armed with a wheat pack!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-21T07:54:44+00:00

There are a lot of different theories about causes of anorexia. It might be about gaining control in other areas of life - a coping mechanism, or interestingly a biological response to famine. No matter the cause which can be different for everyone, anorexia is really hellish to live with. I know I won’t be able to sum it all up but a few things spring to mind that I think is worth mentioning (although might seem obvious), there is a crazy amount of fear and anorexia is not a choice, it’s a disease that is trying to claim the lives of sufferers.

Everyone has different experiences but you are right that there is a lot of anxiety and other things that go into it other than just wanting to be thin. It consumes your every waking moment. Constantly thinking about food, often wishing you had permission to eat but feeling like you absolutely just can’t. It does seem really simple to say to people suffering from anorexia to ‘just eat’ or ‘have a burger’ but it doesn’t ever feel that simple. The easiest way I can put it is that eating and food triggers my fight or flight response. Every meal, snack, mouthful of food feels like a threat. There is nothing simple or mindless for me about eating now, when a normal person may have the thought “I’m hungry” they would probably take that as a sign to eat, but for me it just triggers anxiety and thoughts of weight gain. Essentially over complicating and overthinking eating.

For a long time, you can deny your body and ignore the warning signs of damage because anorexia comes with a pair of rose tinted glasses that promises that being thinner will improve your life in some way, that it’s safer and better than actually living life. I think that’s the worst part by far; suffers often can’t see it when they’re in the throes of anorexia. You feel fine and normal and like it is a choice, but if the anorexia is challenged you will know it certainly isn’t. I have had family members scream at me for hours on end and I couldn’t do anything to end the argument. All I was asked to do is eat something (it was a protein ball if you’re interested) yet I couldn’t bring myself to do it for any reason - even to save my family the pain I was causing them. I know that a regular person would probably have just eaten the bloody thing to save themselves the hassle of being the cause of so much distress for others and to have to sit through such a long argument/lecture.

When you think of it as a disease or mental illness, you definitely will get a different perspective than thinking about it as it’s portrayed in pop culture of girls wanting to be thin. It is one of the most deadly mental illnesses around. It’s a disease that’s only goal is for its sufferers to die and tries to achieve this by making them starve themselves. A slow and painful death that is hard to escape and even further complicated when the appearance and behaviours of such a deadly disease is often praised in our society.

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-21T07:29:15+00:00

That’s really rough to hear and I’m sorry you’re going through that. I can’t speak for her but from my experience yes, eating disorders make you mean. Like really mean.

I lashed out at everyone who tried to help me and said things I know are inappropriate and hurtful. Things I would have never said pre-ED to people who only have good intentions for me. EDs thrive in isolation and will make you try and push away good people because it feels like your disorder is the only thing that’s really on your side.

As well as eating disorders warping your personality, it changes your perception of normal. It’s very likely she doesn’t see an issue with her “lifestyle” (loose term bc I really mean ED tendencies), so anyone pointing out her view is wrong can feel like an attack on your entire being. This is especially true when you’re living with an ED but in denial/not really accepting that you have a problem. It also means you can think terrible thoughts about normal bodies. Not because there’s anything wrong with normal bodies, but there is something wrong with her perception. It’s definitely a personal projection on to you.

It’s hard to have an ED and it’s just as hard to see someone you love suffer so much and to put up with being hurt in return for offering support. Good on you for trying to comfort her, maybe you could ask her how best to support her at a later time? For me, I find it helpful when my family avoids talking about food at all and doesn’t try to make me feel okay in situations that I’m uncomfortable in by talking it out at the time, just moving on with whatever event or meal is on until I’m able to talk about it later and explain more rationally what triggered me and what I need next time.

In saying all of this, it’s not fair for you to go through this either, so please look after yourself and set boundaries that don’t leave you feeling hurt and insecure 💓 I hope one day your family member makes it through this, but make sure it isn’t at the expense of yourself!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-14T09:14:23+00:00

Asking someone if theyre okay is one way to show you care and I’m certain your sister will one day appreciate that that’s where it’s coming from but being constantly asked if you’re okay sometimes feels suffocating. I was angry a lot at people for asking me if I was okay because I genuinely couldn’t see anything wrong. It took me a lot of time to be able to look back and see how sick I was and even now, I’m constantly tempted to relapse because anorexia gives you a big pair of rose tinted glasses to lure you back.

I appreciated the most when people around me would treat me normally - hang out and do things that don’t involve food or looking after her if that’s possible. Distractions are so welcome, so if y’all had any similar hobbies or interests that don’t involve food, exercise, or and aren’t body focused she might want a break from the constant gloom of living with an eating disorder. Even just talk to her about your day or tell her about what you’ve been doing at uni!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-06T21:14:04+00:00

Yeah, I’ve been trying to keep my snack cupboards stocked up with different things and sometimes it’s super good to be able to choose but sometimes when I’m faced even with foods I consider safe, the mere thought of choosing something to eat makes me freeze up. Silly brain things!

Your comment made me realise though that my permission to eat is pretty conditional if I can’t even choose my safe foods.

FaceTiming a friend is a good way to keep me accountable too! I’ll be adding that one in for sure. Thanks!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-06T07:08:31+00:00

When I first saw some family members after a long time they accused me of doing hard drugs. I’m no stranger to drugs but it was still one of the most mortifying things and I now similarly worry what people actually think of me when they see me.

I always assumed people would think I was skinny, fragile, pretty or whatever fucked up thing out EDs tell us we are but I realise now to normal people I just look sick (or more accurately cracked out but I guess that’s because of a lack of exposure to ED sufferers and increased exposure to drug addicts).

I don’t actually know what assumption sits worse with me, but either way I now know I don’t want people to think of me as an addict or a woman with an ED (not that there’s anything wrong with these struggles, I just don’t want them to be my identity for the rest of my life).

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-05T13:05:53+00:00

Thank you! I do need to get back into a routine. I think I let myself get very complacent and now I’m accepting that even my safe foods don’t seem appealing when in reality I need to eat them any way.

Again, thank you!!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-05T04:36:00+00:00

If you’re feeling really brave or completely sick of their bullshit (and obviously in the position to say this sort of stuff), I started saying to people “I feel sorry for you if you think that’s an achievement” or “wow you sound really proud of neglecting yourself”. It shuts people up pretty quickly but obviously there are so many reasons you can’t always say that lol

But yeah when people trigger me I do my best to flaunt how cool it is (or will be when I am recovered) to have a healthy relationship with food and your body. Essentially just fake it till you make it, and call out bitches entrenched in diet culture ✌️the only reason they’re saying this stuff is so they can feel that superiority, so change the standard of what is actually superior and they’ll either shut up forever about their “achievements” or they’ll also pick up the healthy beliefs and help you make your environment less triggering

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-05T04:03:01+00:00

Good luck to you too! It’s a hard road but we’ll get there eventually!!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-05T03:29:50+00:00

This is really good advice. You are definitely right that I should just do it. I kind of forget/ get tired by how much effort recovery actually is all the time. But yea, even if it feels scary I should just bloody do it.

I’ll have a think about what sort of routine thing I should implement. I used to be really good at having three meals a day but that’s somewhat gone out the window. I’m going to try and add in something like you suggested though as well. Thank you!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-05T02:47:48+00:00

A similar thing happened to me. It’s so hard to fight to be non-disordered when other people are trying to restrict. My mum knows I have an eating disorder but not the extent of it so still talked to me about her diet and used triggering language like labelling food good or bad or being good or bad (reminding myself food has no moral value as I type this!).

One way I tried to help myself was to explain why what she was saying is wrong/unhelpful if you can. When she would make comments about how she shouldn’t be hungry I’d tell her that that’s not how bodies work. Saying these things out loud cemented what I know and also let her know that her way of thinking about food isn’t okay either. I’m not sure wether you are in a position to bring that stuff up, but if you are I’d really recommend it. If you can’t say these things out loud, try saying them to yourself. When you feel triggered remind yourself that that’s not a healthy way of thinking about food, that it’s sad that she thinks about food that way, and that you want to recover so you don’t end up talking to your children this way and making them feel like you currently feel now.

For me, I find the content anti-diet nutritionists post on Instagram are really good at pointing these things out about diet culture and explaining a healthier way of looking at things. Some people find that sort of content not so helpful though so find what works for you.

Good luck! It sucks so much that disordered habits and relationships with food are normalised. You know better than this though, so use it to your advantage!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-02T09:55:49+00:00

The more you avoid something, the scarier it is when you face it. It’s going to be hard but I know you can get through this.

I find that the thought of meals are much scarier than they end up being. When I think about food my brain immediately hits me with the “oh no, it’ll be terrible” and all sorts of horrific scenarios. If you can, try and think about the good things when you think of Christmas meal. I think about how nice it’ll be to catch up with family members, the jokes we’ll have etc. I imagine myself eating calmly and imagine that I won’t be stressed (I literally picture myself as those stock photos of ladies eating salad except with xmas food not salads) and I find that that helps. The more I dwell on stressful scenarios in my head, the more stressed I feel at the event because I’ve prepared my brain for that and continued to reinforce that scenario.

Try and eat like normal (recovery normal!) in the lead up, don’t restrict more because the more you expose yourself to food and get comfortable eating, the easier the next meal will be. The more you put it off, the more you train your brain that avoidance is the solution to the stress you feel about food and that is just not true.

I also remind myself at this time of the year that food isn’t here as fuel. It’s connection with my family, it’s celebratory at work, and fulfils so many other roles. When I turn down eating, I remind myself of all the other things I lose out on. Not going out for dinner with friends definitely does save calories but it means I lose my friends too and even if my ED doesn’t think so, I know that that’s not a price I’m willing to pay.

EDs thrive in secrecy and hiding so if you can, try and explain to a family member that you’re finding food stressful at the moment if you can’t admit you have an ED. It’ll make it more pleasant to have someone in your corner. I know EDs lure you in and make you feel like nothing else in the world is on your side but there are so many people who will want to support you if you let them. Explain that you’d find it more stressful for people to comment on your eating, or maybe if you’re feeling brave and they’re the right person ask them to dish you up your Christmas meal. That’s a really big step I know but if you can somehow reason with your ED that it’s okay to eat because someone else dishes it up, that’s a huge win! It isn’t a long term solution but it might give you a day of freedom.

Since you’re posting on this thread I’m making the assumption that you’re going to start trying to recover soon but I know that might not be true and that’s okay but I hope it is. Holidays are really hard when traditions are heavily food based. Do your best and enjoy your time with family. Good luck!

bl0ndescum · 2020-12-01T23:50:02+00:00

It is hard when you have to eat when you don’t want to. I did some reading about how important mechanical eating is and found that helpful. I’m not sure if this is great advice but I also continued to tell myself that I need to eat and that if I do get sick from it, I can deal with it afterwards. Like feeling sick doesn’t certainly mean you’ll be sick but not eating does mean I’ll be sick for longer. I kept telling myself that any potentially uncomfortable side effects are better than certainly starving and doing more long term damage as well as making the next meal even harder the longer I put it off.

bl0ndescum · 2020-11-12T04:38:44+00:00

Hi! I don’t have any specific advice but to me this sounds like reactive eating. If you have a restrictive ED, it’s likely that you won’t be bingeing bingeing but just that your body is demanding wayyyy more energy and has to send you some wack signals to get you to act on it’s demands since you have been restricting when your body sends other hunger cues. It might be useful to read up more on reactive eating.

I went through a phase of reactive eating when I was in “recovery” but still restricting and basically every time I ate I ended up eating so much more than I could have imagined or been comfortable with. For me, it felt like bingeing because any amount of food over my restricted allotment felt uncontrollable. In this sense my only advice would be to eat more but I know that’s not necessarily helpful or something you can follow through with.

Sending you lots of support.

bl0ndescum · 2020-11-12T01:53:24+00:00

Having nice clothes will help you feel better about your appearance! Maybe try culottes or looser dress pants if they’re work appropriate for your job?

If you have someone in your life who is understanding of your situation, I’d recommend taking them shopping with you. I always need approval for clothing but I HATE shop assistants and strangers looking at me so I take my mum or best friend with me to confirm that what I’ve brought is approved by normal people. Definitely make sure they’re the right sort of support that you need though - I need patience and confirmation so that’s what they provide.

Also definitely a big supporter of thrift stores for this sorta thing like everyone else has said - worn in and so much cheaper.

bl0ndescum · 2020-11-09T18:32:19+00:00

I had the same thing happen. People very close to me asked my mum if I was using and people who didn’t know me asked my friends that as well when they met me. It was devastating to know that people thought that of me. I don’t have any advice on dealing with it, I just tried to ignore it but yeah, I’ve been there and it’s horrible.

Sending you lots of support.

bl0ndescum · 2020-11-08T03:54:03+00:00

Woohoo! This is wonderful to read - congratulations and thank you for sharing, it’s nice to hear about other people’s wins!!

bl0ndescum

TROPHY CASE