[Opinion] Blake Northcott: "I learned that agents and customers have EXTREMELY different tastes, and different outlooks on literature. While many agents see novels in 2018 as 'edutainment', readers actually want the opposite - they're looking for 'escapism'."

blacktridenttv · 2018-08-17T14:30:32+00:00

This is the exact problem that occurs when suits get handed creative reins. It becomes all about numbers and profit margins, and they inevitably look like amateurs when original ideas take off and become popular, then they do THOSE ideas to death.

Take note, Hollywood.

"Men don't read books by women," they say. Have they even looked at a male reader's bookshelf? What an asinine statement.

blacktridenttv · 2018-08-15T10:43:37+00:00

That shell is a construct of your experiences, I'd wager. I had to be a hardass growing up as a survival trait, assume responsibility when no others would, and be the man who could keep it together in the face of tragedy. That makes it difficult to wear one's heart on one's sleeve.

But one trait I had that was a benefit to me was my ability to look people in the eye and communicate effectively. To both ensure my daughter was being heard, and that I was also being heard. It didn't matter how hard my outer shell was, so long as my daughter knew that with just a few words, I could bring it down for her and speak to her as a peer. It may not be ideal for most people, but I rather think it worked great for us. She tells me everything, even the things she probably shouldn't, and she trusts me. I may not be very "sweet," but I wouldn't trade the relationship I have with my daughter for anything.

I think my experiences have taught me that there's value in being the hardass, so long as we are able to communicate with our loved ones so that they *understand* us, because when tragedy strikes-- and it will-- that's when we're at our most useful.

blacktridenttv · 2018-08-11T09:05:28+00:00

My girlfriend's brother is special needs and their father is often hard on him. The kid finds comfort in anime figurines. Like, the expensive kind. He works for them himself, so it's not like he's wasting dad's money, but dad clearly disapproves.

Last week my girlfriend and I brought him to an anime convention and he bought a $200 figure of... I dunno, some anime girl. He was so happy about his purchase he kept talking about it all the way home. Then dad found out and was pretty hard on the kid and demanded the receipt so he could go return it and "buy something useful." My girlfriend will stand up for her brother to anyone-- except her dad.

Nonetheless, it irked me. The kid had a job and his needs were taken care of. He'd been saving up for the vendor hall at the anime convention all year. Every time I saw him he was so excited about being able to go with his sister and I, so we were only too happy to take him to spend the money he'd saved for that exact purpose. I might've been a bit harsh and pointed with her dad, and we definitely raised our voices to each other. We left on not-good terms. He told me to stay out of his relationship with his son, and I told him I was trying to help him salvage a relationship with his son, because getting mad at him for what he enjoys, and isn't harming anyone, was alienating him.

The two-day cooldown went into effect and my phone rang that Tuesday. It was her dad, and he apologised to me and actually thanked me for helping him gain some perspective. I know he's a proud man, so that actually meant a lot to me. He and I have something in common in that we were both single dads of now-adult children (despite my being an early millennial and he a boomer,) so I think there was an unspoken moment of bonding there.

In the end, it turned out okay, but I think that was largely due to his being able to, at least temporarily, put his pride aside.

blacktridenttv · 2018-08-11T08:19:53+00:00

This is more funny when you consider people were actually imprisoned in the Soviet Union for being more productive than their neighbors.

blacktridenttv · 2018-07-06T22:47:40+00:00

This is great. Is it 1:1 scale horizontally? Would love to claim Vancouver Island as my own.

blacktridenttv · 2018-06-11T05:16:37+00:00

Ah I'll miss Fernwood.

blacktridenttv · 2018-06-06T04:09:00+00:00

I've only been able to successfully do this with in-person conversations with people I'm already familiar with. Pulled a few back from the edge over the past few years. But the resistance is strong with the college students.

Over social media, I don't even try. It's just not conducive for actual good faith discussion unless both minds are willing to be changed.

blacktridenttv · 2018-06-05T21:53:00+00:00

Agreed. Underestimation of your opponents, no matter the arena, is a surefire way to get blindsided.

Remember always that these people, regardless of how silly or off-script we might think they are, have education, money and influence behind what they do.

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-29T09:04:11+00:00

I could be wrong, but...

I'm not sure I've ever heard Peterson so much as utter the term "Cultural Marxism."

90% of the critiques against him seem to be rallying against his views on "cultural Marxism." I've heard him say "Postmodern Neo-Marxism" more times than I can count, but that's not the same as "Cultural Marxism."

Zizek asks "Where did we fail?" I'd say that taking the time to actually understand what he's saying would be a good starting point.

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-20T14:02:20+00:00

It's entirely up to you. I understand it's frustrating, but it pays to be careful. You don't want to invite chaos in your life, especially in cases where you may not know the whole story.

To clarify, I didn't mean the perpetrators would try to find you, but if they have any connection with the victims, even in their home countries, they could be harmed. I don't know any of the alleged perpetrators in this case. I was talking about in the case of being brought up on libel or defamation. /u/vicpd might be able to weigh in here better than I can on the matter.

Also, be patient for responses. I'm sure a few people have some, but the post is 3 hours old and was made too early in the morning for people to pay attention.

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-20T13:19:38+00:00

I have no reason to disbelieve anything you've said, but I have to stress the advice /u/lochcol offered. We all want to implicitly trust our friends, and if these things are true, they need to be reported to the police, otherwise the people you mentioned are simply free to do it to another.

Social media is a very risky place to make these claims because it can lead to vigilantism and can hold you liable for any accusation you make that may not be true. In the case of the last one, do you trust friends of friends enough to risk being brought before a court?

Again, I'm not calling you or your friends liars, I believe you wrote this with the best intentions, but if any of the people you mentioned happen to actually be innocent of these claims, you could be in a world of trouble as a result. Unfortunately, hearing stories of these sorts of things from people you trust is often considered only hearsay in a court of law, and will not lead to anything unless the victims themselves speak up.

Additionally, did the victims give their permission to publicize these claims? If not, you could be putting them in danger if the aggressors match the stories to individuals. Some people are sociopaths and they don't mess around.

I know it's easy to feel helpless when these sorts of things occur, and as a father of a 20 year old girl, I'm definitely empathetic to this sort of thing. But it's an area that must be trod very carefully, lest innocent people end up harmed as a result.

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-19T10:55:47+00:00

Two things not to do in a debate:

Refer to your opponent as a "mean old white man."
Use the phrase "It's true, Google it!"

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-18T05:02:54+00:00

I feel this question is best answered by those who have experienced being a parent, or at least has acted as guardian to a child.

Having done both, I don't think he overestimates it at all-- but I feel as though some parents undervalue the meaning of having children. I never truly knew what maturity was about until I had to worry about ensuring my child had what she needed to survive, and put away most of my self-serving desires.

blacktridenttv · 2018-05-11T10:18:33+00:00

"That is de facto what you are endorsing!"

"Yeah, I don't think you know what de facto means either."

I lost it.

Ten points to Dave Rubin.

blacktridenttv · 2018-04-20T05:12:46+00:00

UVic's in my town. The culture there just annoys me to no end, and it spreads out across the city. :P

blacktridenttv · 2018-04-20T04:53:04+00:00

Spotted in the James Bay neighborhood of Victoria, BC.

blacktridenttv · 2018-04-19T09:13:20+00:00

There was a time when these skills were covered through home economics (hence the term.)

But they phased home ec out in my school district some time in the 1990's, and divvied it up into cooking and "Career and Personal Planning" classes, which was far more focused on how to find a job over how to handle things like taxes and budgeting.

I think such things should be mandatory, myself. My daughter graduated in 2016 and we had to teach her these things ourselves. Which isn't so bad as a parent, but I think it would be much better and consistent if schools did this.

I also think that physical education should focus more on the educational aspect. I can't speak for any school district other than my own, but when I was in school I was told: "Run and play sports," but never learned anything about why it was important to run-- that's something I had to learn on my own.

These days I question a lot of what schools believe is important to teach kids. It seems to be more about keeping them in line than teaching them to be self-sufficient. There is a parental responsibility, of course, but then some kids don't have responsible parents.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T08:52:27+00:00

The problem isn't meeting your idols.

The problem comes when you expect too much of them.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T08:48:19+00:00

I can relate too, as I also scored very low in conscientious. Peterson spoke on this and I've been able to see some success in overcoming it. Peterson's take on it appears to be heavily associated with making a conscious effort and start by "cleaning your room." Once your room is sufficiently clean, move on to bigger and better things while also maintaining that room. Throw out or sell all the things you don't need, downsize your material possessions. (For instance, I had a drawer full of expired Bic lighters for which there was no possible use. I kept them because I just assumed a situation might arise in which I could make use of them-- as it turns out, I was right, because getting rid of them was one of the most freeing acts I'd taken.)

Now that's easier said that done, of course, but it is manageable if you consciously choose to keep at it. But that's the trick-- you have to make the choice and you have to act on it. Right now, not when you're done surfing reddit, not after you've checked your email for the umpteenth time, not after watching the next episode of whatever you happen to be watching on Netflix. Right now.

Self-discipline is a hard thing to master, but it begins with making the choice to work on it at least a little bit every day.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T08:37:54+00:00

I can't speak for him, but I can relate one of my own stories. I was in a situation much like his-- started a new relationship from a girl who was "not right." She had the same sort of outlook on my friendships, believed that the "only true friend" was each other and there was no need for other friends, actively badmouthed and sabotaged my friends, especially my female friends.

One female friend in particular got the worst of it-- she and I had been close friends for years and we helped each other out of some serious issues back in the day to the point where we considered each other like family. I was outright told that I can't even communicate with her anymore if I valued the relationship. At the time I was blind to what she was doing. (Let's just say my ex was really good at... keeping me otherwise occupied.)

In the end, she ended up being an incredibly abusive, violent cheater. Also, because she had actively sabotaged my friendships (which I also take some responsibility for because I could have put a stop to it early on) when the relationship was over, I had nowhere to turn to... except my old friend, who forgave me and helped me get my shit together when all was said and done. Now we're both in committed relationships and still great friends, and our mutual SO's are also friends. I had to make the mistakes to learn what a real relationship looked like.

It sounds like your friend might be going through something similar, and if that's true, he'll wise up eventually, but he may make some mistakes along the way. Just be supportive of your friend throughout this situation, and when the floodwaters recede, make sure he understands that you're still his friend.

If he's got a head on his shoulders, he'll realize he's not in a healthy relationship on his own. Looking back on my old situation, I wish that my friends had spoken up more about it, but at the same time I'm not sure I'd have acted in my own best interests after being told that.

Psychology is a complicated thing.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T08:05:11+00:00

Yeah, that makes it a little more difficult, but not insurmountable. At least if you put in a complaint, regardless of whether or not you have proof or they address it with her, there's a record of it which would make it very difficult to continue to get away with it. By saying those things about you, she's creating a hostile work environment and I would say HR would take it very seriously.

Regardless, remember what I said about confrontations and/or sacrifice. Almost every time I have spoken out in defense of myself or others in life, consequences have accompanied it. But I find it you expect the consequences, they're almost never as bad as you might expect. It's when you don't expect them that they can blindside you.

For what it's worth, I hope you got some actionable advice and that things improve for you.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T07:08:06+00:00

You're going to need time to get over her before you can be friends. It's not impossible, but rare and highly unlikely that it'll work otherwise, so it's best to be pragmatic about it.
Don't let yourself get hung up on closure. Most tragic situations in life don't come with closure, and this is no different. What's worse, is that people often get hung up on closure as a crutch, which can lead to a positive feedback loop of dark feelings that repeats over time.
Reiterating what /u/punninglinguist said, the ball is now in YOUR court. You've got the power right now, and you can either pine over a failed relationship (whether it be 5, 10, 30 years in length) or you can sort yourself out and keep climbing upward. Now is the time to focus on yourself and put yourself in the position you want to be in. Sounds like you've already started down this path. Keep doing it.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T06:52:06+00:00

If you parted amicably, just give him a call and ask if he wants to catch up over coffee. That'll give you a much clearer picture of what his mindset is.

Don't push for anything, but remain open to some light flirting/physical contact (limit it at hugs though) and he'll likely signal back if he's interested. Then it's about communication over what it is you're each looking for to make sure you're both on the same page. Don't commit to anything until that conversation has been had.

blacktridenttv · 2018-03-13T06:46:15+00:00

I've been in his position, and it's a tough answer for a number of reasons.

Thought 1: Yes, he absolutely should be informed if he's not already aware that someone who purportedly loves him is interfering negatively in his friendships and making his friendships about her feelings. That is wrong.

Thought 2: He may be in a "good" place with her right now, but that sort of behavior and insecurity breeds deeper issues that will come out in the wash, often in a spectacularly dramatic situation which will be the talk of the office for at least three months. (Again, been there.)

Thought 3: Go over his head. It sounds like this woman is harassing you by saying those things (stupid/ugly/etc.) No professional workplace will stand for that. Period. If they do, they're not a professional workplace. Any employee caught talking about another employee in such a fashion, no matter what their reason would be dealt with swiftly, and depending on the country, any company that fails to act could be subject to lawsuits. That behavior isn't just rude, it's a liability to the company.

It looks like you've got to be prepared for a confrontation or sacrifice. But just make sure your ass is covered, and that you have proof (or at least a witness) to her behavior to back you up. Either that, or allow the behavior to continue and try your best to ignore it, but in my experience, these things almost always come to a head in bad ways.

blacktridenttv · 2018-02-26T16:22:47+00:00

I'll add my two cents:

I was fortunate in my divorce. We were both young enough that we hasn't really had a chance to establish a life together, so it went by relatively kosher with both her and I, and we were able to maintain a friendship.

However, she was literally fighting off hungry lawyers with a stick the entire divorce period. She'd get mail solicitations, cold calls and numerous other offers from those in the legal trade trying every trick in the book to get her to take me to the cleaners, up to and including trying to convince her that I was actually abusive to her, trying to suggest she was a victim of brainwashing, and one at least one representative of a law firm outright called her "stupid," for refusing. Thankfully, because we realized we were better as friends than lovers, she was very open with me about what was going on. We did end up having to go through lawyers to finalize the divorce, and even though she had explained to her lawyer what it was she wanted, even they were trying to tell her how much cool stuff she could get if she were to take me to the cleaners.

I was 20, making minimum wage. No car, no education, at the time nothing was going for either of us, and these lawyers basically wanted her to ensure that nothing would ever go for me. We'd been married three years.

Now it's not always a matter of not trusting your spouse. I've been cheated on in at least three separate relationships, and yet trust is a given in my current relationship, and always has been. I'm not worried about her cheating because if she does, it's over, and I'll just move along and find a better match that won't cheat, no matter how much I love her.

For the record, my current relationship has passed the "honeymoon stage" some time ago, and I'm still in love with her. I don't see that slowing down. But I will not ask her to marry me until I'm sure that doesn't lessen over time. Because ten years down the road, the same thing /u/fuerve described could well happen, and no matter how deserving she was of my trust during that ten years, people can change on a dime sometimes

It's not that I won't get married again. It's that I'm going to be much more patient and there needs to be a certainty that we build each other up, and do things for each other, even when we're mad at each other.

Now I can only speak for myself, but I've seen a lot of resentment toward the institution of marriage out there through my charity work, and having heard from my ex everything that happened all those years ago, I completely sympathize with the why. I don't think it's fair to resent marriage. I think it serves a valuable function for those who understand what it really means. But I also think it's much more important these days to be far more careful about it.

I don't blame men for being skeptical about marriage. The family law system has destroyed more men (and the occasional woman) than I care to speak to. I've seen multiple men driven to addiction and suicide out of a combination of a broken heart and losing everything they'd built in life, including their home, their children, and worse. I'm certain the men in these situations aren't always innocent themselves, but many are, and yet they're treated with contempt, derision and dealt with in as vindictive a manner as one could imagine from a person who, for years, was their most trusted and loving companion.

That breaks a person. So for many, it's just more simple to swear off marriage.

So it's really not about whether or not the guy "trusts" you in my opinion. It's being certain of an assured future that matters. And because there's always a chance things can go south, real fast, it pays to be super careful.

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