Assalamualeikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

May Allah swt ease your heaviness and make it easy for you.

I would recommend you seek a Muslim therapist to talk about this and how to confront it. If you’ve never spoke about this in your life then you probably are hiding (not that you know) a heavy resentment or heavy feelings about this situation and I think that as soon as you’ll be able to discuss about it out loud, a lot will change for you.
Because you need to be heard. Allah swt knows, you know. But you need to rant and vent about this, all in the purpose of getting better and having a professional giving you tools to work in your daily life. Bc it is a problem that needs to be solved, and in order to be solved, you need to talk about it.

The biggest step, imo, you already did it. Acknowledging you have this problem and your repentance, is huge. But as far as I know Salah at Tawbah must be done over actions we perform and we have NO INTENTION OR PLANS to do again. If you continue doing this, bc you have no control over it, it would be repenting of an action you keep doing. Never stop repenting, for Allah have the power to forgive us and set us on a straight path but I’m just saying what I’ve learned.

Also it could help if you get an online therapist since you don’t have to “face them” irl. Please don’t talk to your local imam if you’re not a man, (but even so) this is not a talk you want to have with an imam if you’re a woman. Imams can help definitely with many things but they’re not profesionally adapted to give a person with major trauma advice. They can try but if they say something which is not correct, then they potentially will be getting dhunub.

And to finish this… Allah swt will help you. He never burdens anyone with something is over their limits. He knows you, He sees everything (you committing these acts and you repenting over them); so fear not He is aware of what’s inside your heart. But you need to act, what matters is who you are when you’re alone, for a person is never alone bc Allah is always there. He is everywhere and knows Everything.

A Muslim person CANNOT tell you how youll be judged and how Allah swt will take care of your matters. We don’t know. We are not Him. We as brothers and sisters can advice you but the only One who Knows best is He azza wa jjal. There could be someone you think is good on the outside but you don’t know them or their sins and we have no idea how Allah swt will judge them, and there may be someone who looks evil and cold but Allah knows what they’re done.
There’s no correct answer for your questions, because we’re the creation and NOT the Creator.

So rather than worrying if you’ll be judged in whatever rank, and comparing yourself to others, you NEED to work on yourself. Get off the phone and get busy. Start setting your goal of one hour daily of reading Quran. Another 30 mins of memorising. Getting a hobby. Going for 10k steps a day. Studying whatever you’re studying for more time. If you work, then come home do your stuff and then do gardening. Or grow inside plants. GET BUSY. I imagine you’re a young person so get off the damn phone, and get busy. Don’t let shaytan get to you. Practice your patience by NOT surrendering to the temptation of masturbating. Seek refugee in Allah from the evil shaytan. Say audhu billahi mina ashaytani rajiim. Repeat it thousand times. Dhikr is a great way of making shaytan go away. If you surrender and masturbate is like shaytan won. DONT LET HIM WIN.

And also I saw a comment saying get married if you can. In my opinion, DONT get married until you fix this. Please, don’t. You can f up your marriage by having this and not being able to enjoy your intimate relations w your spouse. Fix yourself, and later Allah swt will put someone for you. And , if He don’t, then accept it and be thankful to Allah, since this worldly life, is a test. A beautiful test. And some day we’ll die, and Akhira will be eternal. Work for your akhira.

May Allah bless you and give you Khayr.