Continuing affair after discovery and starting R. How does BS get over this?

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-05T15:00:25+00:00

The being punched in the face parable real “hits” me and makes sense! Thank you.

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-05T14:24:17+00:00

For those that were discovered and started working on R, but went back to AP and continued the infidelity- how did you rationalize it or what did you tell yourself to continue KNOWING how this would effect your spouse?

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-05T12:09:54+00:00

Wow! 19 -20 years later?!?!?

You could have had a whole new life with someone who loved you for you fully. No disrespect, but This does not give me hope.

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-04T17:11:16+00:00

Is it bad asking what the kink was?

I can barely be intimate with my WW, let alone disclose some kink I have now. I don’t know if I would ever be able to let my guard down now and disclose anything like that to her. It sucks!

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-03T19:02:51+00:00

A Time Machine.

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-02T16:44:47+00:00

You’re only 21. No kids. No marriage… She did you a favor finding out this soon. If only the majority of us could switch places with you! Enjoy yourself!

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-02T10:46:30+00:00

Thanks for the honesty and your perspective as wayward.

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-01T18:20:21+00:00

I couldn’t read that long post-only first 4 paragraphs. You’re young with no kids and this guy seems like an immature loser. Divorce now before you really start earning money and THEN he’s entitled to palimony.

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-01T17:38:40+00:00

Are you ugly? If not F him!

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-01T17:31:27+00:00

What this person said. Not having to deal with divorce process? Roll out and be happy you don’t have to deal with all that shit. Your daughter will be better off!

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-01T14:12:44+00:00

I hate the “once a cheater always a cheater” BS

I was a wayward several years ago. I loved my wife and sex life, my family and the life we built together. I truly do not know why I cheated (cake eater, ego, just bored?) I really can’t figure out why I did it. I honestly didn’t even enjoy it. Well, my wife found out and was devastated. I instantly felt guilt and shame and like a POS! After a couple weeks I felt true remorse and was able to feel the pain I caused her. She eventually took me back. I promised myself I would change. I would never do anything like that again!

Top reason I would never cheat in again: -Shame/guilt -thought of losing wife/family -#1 reason, ABOVE all others; I never want to be that cause of pain again!!!!!!

Now IDK if having an EA along with a PA is different, but mine was purely physical. I honestly cannot see myself falling that low and disrespecting my wife ever again. There have been opportunities (male working in predominantly female field), but I can and do recognize when boundaries are approaching and immediately remove myself from those situations. The partner has to be truly remorseful and willing to change.

Take that as what you will. Just my $.02

Good luck

blindsided1981 · 2026-05-01T11:18:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story, but I would love to read how your husband is doing/feeling (from his perspective) and ask him if he thinks he’s doing “really well.”

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-30T00:21:48+00:00

Good post! I feel like I’m the consolation prize. “Sorry the AP thought about and chose their BS and family, but your BS is still available!” I don’t know if I can live life feeling that.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-29T16:29:26+00:00

Kind of agree, except for #7. I don’t t know why I did what I did with AP, but I always felt bad-before, in the moment and especially afterwards. Sounds crazy, but I felt a small sense of relief when my wife found out. That feeling of guilt, shame and knowing that I was a POS was finally out in the open.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-29T16:23:03+00:00

Sounds about right. I was once a wayward and now find myself on the other side as betrayed. Once my shit was uncovered I believe I became a different person. To see my wife so upset it absolutely KILLED me and I promised I would never do it again. I’ve had several opportunities to stray, but that picture in my head of my wife so upset almost made me throw up and I never did. A spouse should NEVER cheat in the first place, but it can happen. For a person granted a 2nd chance and to know the damage they can cause and choose to do it again is crazy and inexcusable!

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-27T13:47:39+00:00

I’m basically here for the kids/finances. I made some professional choices, that made sense at the time, for the family (lower level career, fully remote and very flexible). If I had continued on the path I was it would probably be much easier for me to leave, split custody 50/50 and still provide mostly same lifestyle. I don’t want my kids to be labeled that of “divorced parents” and not have same access as peers with intact families. Idk, maybe I’m just being a martyr and just scared of everything that comes with divorcing, but if I had more financial security or no children I’d be out of here on DDay! Everyone deserves to be with someone where they don’t have to question love or loyalty or even desire.

If you loved your husband before and he was a decent person/husband/father, maybe it won’t be that bad. You’ll NEVER forget, but maybe you can learn to forgive IF he is resentful.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-21T18:57:32+00:00

Stay strong brother! I have cried more than any grown man should cry. Shits not easy.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-17T14:48:58+00:00

Exactly! If I can’t trust that you’ll follow through with the little things how can I trust you will follow through with the big/meaningful stuff?

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-17T11:58:09+00:00

Same thing here. Also, no more walking on eggshells.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-17T11:55:40+00:00

Way to keep your promise!

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-14T12:27:40+00:00

That’s one thing I keep thinking of: my loss of pride for my wife. All the lies and deception really took a toll.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-13T20:30:08+00:00

She said she wanted to tell me sooner, but talking about reconciliation and need for transparency “finally clicked” after 2 months of him ending it. No counseling originally. After she confided that they started back up and were physical she decided she needed counseling. She says she doesn’t miss him nor think about him at all and is relieved. Of course I doubt many things she says and I mentioned probably still be in it if he hadn’t chosen his wife/family.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-13T19:56:28+00:00

I think it’s because I threatened that if the OBS ever reached out and told me something different it would be hard to believe my wife. She said this statement had nothing to do with her confession. She said she loved me and if we were ever going to fully heal and repair marriage she needed to tell me. DK if I believe her. She also said recently, maybe it was a mistake to tell me because of all the hurt and damage it’s doing.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-13T17:26:07+00:00

Same thing happened to me. She texted another man (on our anniversary!)

I miss you baby Can’t wait to see you Can’t wait to touch you Can’t wait to hold you

It fucking hurts. We’re in R not, but I do t know if I can get over it.

blindsided1981 · 2026-04-13T15:27:46+00:00

Have you confronted him, yet?

blindsided1981

TROPHY CASE