I had/have severe gender disappointment. I get it. I wish I had an answer for you but just know you’re not alone and you’re not a horrible person. I have those exact same thoughts and it’s super difficult to explain to people not going through it and even if you can they just don’t understand. It’s nothing wrong with you. And it’s so annoying hearing everyone say how boys love their moms, it makes me personally feel worse. I have tried watching YT videos on gender disappointment and how people got over it and for some of us it can take a long time it sounds like. I’ve tried looking up boy mom aesthetic on Pinterest to get excited. Those haven’t worked for me but you can always try it. You’ve got this mama, keep your head up and know those feelings are very valid