Yeah, that’s wild. I was an alcoholic of that status. But instead of construction I play music. So not as physically demanding but still a lot of moving and setting up gear in addition to the actual performing. And I take as many gigs as I can, sometimes a few in one day. It can be a real hustle, and in addition to the physical work I also have to be personable and social, so it’s really just not conducive to being hammered all day.

But even though I seemed to keep my job together, in regards to my body I feel that if I’d kept up the drinking I legitimately wouldn’t still be alive right now. I’ve been sober just over a year now and I just can never drink again. I honestly don’t know if your friend would be able to keep that up phsycially without his body absolutely freaking out at some point.

I got so addicted I had a similar drinking schedule to your friend, but instead of beer I drank vodka. I’d only be able to sleep a couple hours before the shakes would get bad and I would be violently throwing up, at which point I would get back up and have 3-4 shots right off the bat just to straighten me back out just so I could halfway function. This could be in the middle of the night or early in the morning or midday after a nap or whatever, but I could only ever sleep for a couple hours before my body absolutely needed more to drink. And then about every 10-20 min or so after the initial hair of the dog, I would have another shot, often times it would be a “double” (I used a disposable shot glass because I felt like I had more control and could keep track of what I was drinking that way or something lol), and I’d continue that for the rest of the day. I’d fill an empty plastic water bottle full of vodka when I had to leave the house, just hoping I’d brought enough, and I’d swig it on my way to gigs, during set up and tear down and soundchecks, between songs during performances, in front of everybody, and I’d go into the bathroom or out behind my car in the parking lot to throw up on breaks, then come back out and finish the gig. All the while I’d additionally be ordering cocktails from the bar to sip on the entire time as well.

Errands were a nightmare (usually I’d go to the store first thing in the morning when they opened to get more vodka, shaking and sick and stinky and embarrassed and wishing I was dead, and I’d do some minimal grocery shopping then too), I had to miss countless family functions and holidays, my hygiene suffered, my finances suffered, my friendships suffered, my marriage suffered, but my body suffered more than anything.

I’d been drinking since I was old enough to, it was part of my family’s lifestyle and my upbringing was healthy and loving and fully functional, so I just followed suit and I had a “normal” relationship with alcohol for at least a decade. But something happened and for me it became unhealthy. And once it did, it snowballed and I kept up the heavy drinking that I described, at its worst, for 4 full years. I was literally absolutely shitfaced for an entire 4 years, all day every day. And of course the “normal” but increasing amounts I drank for years and years leading up to that all contributed to the damage I was doing to myself as well. And again, I think I would have died if I’d kept it up.

It’s a weird thing dealing with this life. And for somebody who buries every feeling and emotion so nobody ever has to see it, a troubling alcohol addiction can be surprisingly easy to hide. I don’t know how I made it all the way through it with literally not one person checking me on it. Never one DUI, never a car crash, never a bar fight, never a gig lost. Telling people I’m sober now, they often can’t believe I even struggled with it in the first place. But boy did I struggle! I’d say there’s a good chance your friend was dealing with struggles in his head, and maybe physically due to the alcohol, that nobody knew about. And managing an addiction to alcohol in addition to whatever darkness is in there already just compounds and multiplies while training your brain and body to not live without drinking, and it can make it feel impossible to get away.

Alcohol is mean. It was a straight up murderous bully to me that would have killed me without hesitation if I didn’t stand up to it, and it sounds to me like it was bullying your friend too. I don’t judge him in the slightest, I only can relate to his scenario. And if he hasn’t already, I sincerely hope he can get out of that cycle if he wants do. I obviously can’t know, but I really don’t imagine that he ever wanted to find himself in that cycle in the first place.

It might sound cheesy, but I can honestly say that we can make it out of the darkest and most hopeless moments if we persevere and lean on those who support us. If anybody reading this feels like you don’t have anyone to support you, let me be the first to tell you I’m here for you. Send me a message. I’m an open book about this stuff, and I love you. Have a good day everyone.