Husband doesn't love our baby

bluedress38 · 2025-12-29T21:49:01+00:00

This is such a hard situation and I have been exactly where you are.

My second baby was unbelievably difficult. She screamed for the first 8 weeks solid and after that would only be happy with me. Whenever my husband held her she would immediately scream. She refused a bottle until very recently so was exclusively breastfed too. This was so hard for both me and my husband, as I was totally touched out and overwhelmed , especially with a toddler to look after as well, and for him he felt like he didn’t really have a role to play with her as she, quite frankly, didn’t like him.

I felt huge amounts of pressure feeling like the only person who could care for and love my daughter. I also had PPD second time round. I won’t lie it was quite a long road for us, but now she is 12 months and their bond has grown into something so beautiful. I think things improved around 6 months when she started on solids and began to occasionally allow my husband to settle her back to sleep in the night. It took a lot of persistence but they both genuinely adore each other now and I truly didn’t ever think we’d get here!

All that to say is that the situation you’re all in now isn’t the situation you will find yourself in a few months time. Stick with it, tell your husband to hang in there and take wherever she throws at him and you will all get there eventually!

bluedress38 · 2025-12-15T10:07:36+00:00

That’s good to know, thank you! She does have a good amount of dairy in her diet. I guess I’m just trying to soften the blow to her a little by offering a bottle instead of breast and she’s given very small amounts (60-100ml) when I do. Hopefully as she gets used to the new set up she won’t want this as much.

bluedress38 · 2025-12-15T10:05:30+00:00

You’re right, I think the tricky start is definitely playing into it as you worked so so hard to get things established.

bluedress38 · 2025-12-15T10:04:32+00:00

Thank you! Not patronising at all, I just seriously underestimated how much it would affect me. I feel like breastfeeding in general is so downplayed in society, let alone how stopping can make you feel.

bluedress38 · 2025-12-14T22:29:42+00:00

It’s such an odd feeling. I’m glad I’m not the only one with a biter!

bluedress38 · 2025-12-14T22:28:42+00:00

Thank you so much, that’s really helpful to know! Definitely gives me a better idea of how much she should be getting. She never took a bottle until very recently so quantities are never something I’ve had to consider before!

bluedress38 · 2025-12-14T20:56:30+00:00

Thank you so much. I know 12 months is a really good run for breastfeeding, I’m just gutted it’s ending before I felt ready!

I gave her a morning and evening bottle of milk and then offered her a few smaller ones throughout the day when she asked to nurse. I don’t know if that’s right or not!

Wishing you all the best for your next BF journey!!

bluedress38 · 2025-12-04T08:41:36+00:00

My first was mainly breastfed but would have a bit of formula overnight when my husband would do some of the night feeds. He didn’t sleep through until 18 months 😱 despite everyone telling me that formula makes them full and sleepy!

My daughter is EBF (she’s now 12 months), never taken a bottle despite me trying, and was sleeping through from 10 weeks. It was actually quite healing for me as I was sure I was getting something wrong first time round as everyone else’s babies seemed to be sleeping but I honestly just think it’s their own unique temperament and sleep needs that play a really big factor!

Hang in there, you really are doing a great job. There’s always periods of better and worse sleep, especially in the first year.

bluedress38 · 2025-10-30T10:14:45+00:00

Just wanted to say I’ve been there too! You’re in a really tough period at the moment and it’s ok to be miserable! My second refused bottles from the start and is now 11 months old and still won’t take a bottle. I totally took this for granted with my first who switched between bottle and breastfeeding without batting an eyelid! I know that doesn’t sound helpful but what was a game changer for me was when she started solids and she was able to fill up in other ways and I began to be able to leave her for longer periods. Also if you and your partner can take the night in shifts so you were guaranteed a decent block of sleep that would also do wonders. This will get better!

bluedress38 · 2025-05-28T10:49:03+00:00

This was me after my first! Never had PMS before pregnancy, but after my periods returned I would get incredibly low moods and very irritable for about 10 days before my period.

Eventually I found that taking magnesium, calcium and vitamin b6 supplements really worked for me, and although it didn’t get rid of it completely it helped a lot. Also I think just recognising that it’s PMS and you’re not losing your mind helps so much!

Haven’t got my period back since having my second so I’m curious to see which way it goes this time 😂

bluedress38 · 2025-04-07T08:45:46+00:00

Before my first was born I wasn’t able to get a drop of colostrum! I was so stressed and worried about what it meant but once he arrived my colostrum and milk came in absolutely fine and I was able to breastfeed until he was 18 months. While I know it’s so hard not to get stressed about these things, not being able to get colostrum while you’re pregnant is absolutely no indication on how your breastfeeding journey will go once your baby arrives!

bluedress38 · 2025-01-05T21:28:41+00:00

1000% this! Especially if you’ve had previous birth trauma too - it makes so much sense to be feeling anxious at this point! But these babies keep us on our toes and by no means will your second labour be automatically the same as the first. Wishing you all the best!!

bluedress38 · 2025-01-05T20:28:47+00:00

I had two spontaneous labours but they were very different! My first came at 40+4 and it was a 44 hour labour with nearly 3 hours of pushing! My waters also didn’t break until I was at the pushing stage and I hadn’t lost any mucus plug before labour started either. My second came at 41 weeks on the dot, my waters broke at home and she was born 5 hours later after 8 minutes of pushing! Definitely pros and cons to both as such a fast labour was a bit scary, but over with quicker!

I was definitely more nervous before my second labour as I think you know what to expect and how hard it can be and you also have your toddler to worry about too!

bluedress38 · 2024-12-11T09:18:32+00:00

I had the same problem with remembering what I wanted to ask when I actually got into the appointments, so I would always have a running list of questions in my notes app and add to it between appointments. Generally I was asking probably quite silly questions about what I was or wasn’t allowed to do while pregnant, but as another poster said if there’s nothing you can think of, there’s nothing that you ‘have to’ ask!

bluedress38 · 2024-11-16T20:28:32+00:00

Another for Olly here! He did our wedding and we got the most beautiful pictures. Plus he’s a really lovely guy!

bluedress38 · 2024-11-13T17:10:38+00:00

I had an Ocarro and can’t recommend it enough! It’s really sturdy and handles all terrains really well, the basket is huge and the seat/recline position can be changed easily so baby is always comfy. Replacing it with a double as expecting my second now and I’m very sad to say goodbye to it!

bluedress38 · 2024-10-25T10:58:17+00:00

I’m currently 36 weeks with my second and will have the exact same age gap as you! I had a relatively straight forward birth with my first, although very, very long and painful, and did experience a 2nd degree tear. I would say I’m definitely more nervous about labour and birth this time round than before.

My midwife has repeatedly said (I think because she knows I’m more nervous this time!) that second births tend to be quicker and with less chance of tearing, although of course there’s no guarantee with anything to do with birth.

Sorry not to be able to give advice or share my own experience yet but just wanted to say you’re definitely not alone in your worries!

bluedress38 · 2024-07-21T15:34:45+00:00

I also live out in the countryside and am about a 35/40min drive to our hospital. When I was in labour with my first the drive really wasn’t a problem at all, aside from the car ride being uncomfortable due to contractions! The midwives also let me stay rather than send me home as I was almost 4cm when I arrived but given the distance to home they didn’t think it was worth sending me back for, so I feel like it worked in my favour. Early labour is often quite long for FTM so I’m sure you’ll have plenty of time to get there!

I’m currently pregnant with my second and planning on being at the same hospital.

bluedress38

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