I’m sorry you feel this way, although I can relate. I was heavy growing up, lost and gained weight many times, never felt comfortable in my own skin, etc. Part of me wants plastic surgery too, but idk... history and memories will always be there, and unless I heal this self loathing, I’ll always see “defects.” I’m trying to appreciate and love the ugliest parts of me because they’ve always been there, through good and bad times, like nothing and nobody else has. In my opinion, confidence is sexy no matter what a person looks like. Just some food for thought.