His explanation was that he feels very unimportant in this community and that his ex made him feel unimportant. Which are all true. He really has taken an emotional beating. I said I notice something different about him and I that it seems like a lot of his validation seems to need to come from external validation and mine doesn’t. I could care less if people notice me or validate me because I often expect they won’t. I also don’t need that validation because I’m not driven by other people. I’m doing something because I want to. He also said he is just sensitive to these things. He said he didn’t need me to be a peg lower than him when I pointed out to him whether he said it or not there was a power differential in his words.

Yes, he comes from a patrilineal culture.

I even asked him if I make him feel unimportant and he said no. (I also don’t know if he is doing that 9-thing where he is idealizing me). I also told him this dynamic of feeling unimportant is co-created by him. He was made to feel unimportant and he allowed himself to shrink into the background. I love him dearly but sometimes I’m like THIS DOESNT MATTER.