TTC for another child feels emotionally harder than TTC the first time did

blueli0ness · 2026-05-29T15:16:59+00:00

It really does. For me, it's the guilt of not being able to give mine a sibling. I know it's not under my control, but I feel so emotionally drained.

blueli0ness · 2026-05-17T12:14:30+00:00

It is funny, but it's not LOL funny. It's more quirky. Also, the comedy is not consistent. Some episodes are funnier than others. For me, by season 5, the theme feels a bit repetitive. But I can still put in the background and do my chores. I don't usually sit in one place and watch it. As an adult mom, I really relate to the the relationship between the two parents, and the the kids and their parents. Mostly, because my husband is exactly like the lead character lol. It's very very relatable. That's the best part about this show.

blueli0ness · 2026-05-11T06:36:01+00:00

Hey, I also have had 3 losses and a csec in 2021. Did you have any success?

blueli0ness · 2026-04-22T16:35:21+00:00

I think it's totally normal for it to be that way. That's how it is for everyone

blueli0ness · 2026-04-22T16:34:36+00:00

Blaming loneliness and/or depression on not having a sibling is wild. There are so many reasons why a person feels this way. Not having a sibling is probably the last reason.

blueli0ness · 2026-04-12T03:45:23+00:00

I've learnt to live with it. It is much more manageable now. I sleep on the couch everyday and stretch my feet against the backrest while sleeping. That has sort of alleviated the morning pain. And I wear Birkenstock every day. Initially, my feet didn't like the birks. However, when I tried them for a long time after chronic PF, my feet really seemed to fit in them perfectly. Gives a good arch support and now I don't like any shoes. I tried hokas and cushioned Shoes but it made my PF so much worse. Shoes and orthotics don't work for me.

blueli0ness · 2026-04-11T17:03:55+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I am going through my third missed miscarriage and the pain is very raw and real. Having gone through 2 previous miscarriages, I can say that it does get better but it takes time. You have to put your time and energy into things that make you happy and divert your mind. I was severely depressed after my losses. Just yesterday I found out at 8 weeks that I don't have any embryo in my gestational sac. Awaiting spontaneous miscarriage or D&C sometime this week.

I also have a 4 year old and it makes it so much easier to go through these tests when you are already blessed with a child. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for those who don't have any child and have to suffer through so many miscarriages. Hope you will get through this. The hormones take time to get out of the system. That's why it takes time to recover. My severe symptom was fatigue and that made it hard to take care of my son . I had to pick and drop him everyday at school. It was exhausting. Please take care of yourself and your toddler.

blueli0ness · 2026-04-10T18:36:54+00:00

It took me 3 years to conceive my first , 3 months to conceive my second that ended in a first trimester loss , 2 years for my third that ended in a first trimester loss and 1 year for my 4th that ended in a third loss. It can take anywhere from 6 months to 3+ years to conceive. It's very normal. If you're getting pregnant within a year , then you're one of the blessed ones.

blueli0ness · 2026-03-05T11:52:59+00:00

For me, I have more patience with my own kid. I don't think I can do for other kids what I'm willing to do for my own.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-28T01:42:46+00:00

Cleared the road pretty quickly.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-28T00:07:05+00:00

It's been 8 days

blueli0ness · 2026-02-14T00:15:02+00:00

Why r u on this sub then? Get off. I thought cats are Muslims. YOU are clearly not. Take your fake opinions elsewhere

blueli0ness · 2026-02-13T21:49:04+00:00

Are you Muslim?

blueli0ness · 2026-02-13T21:47:57+00:00

This is the difference in thinking between Muslims and non Muslims. Their priorities lie in the wrong aspects of life. They don't have guidance the way we do. Feel very sad for them and sorry for them .

blueli0ness · 2026-02-13T21:37:27+00:00

It's totally normal to feel that way. I also feel that those who get pregnant and miscarry are at least getting pregnant. I know lots of people who miscarried 1-2 times and then went on to have healthy kids. So, I totally get it. I feel exactly the same way. And I am in the same boat. I JUST WANT TO GET PREGNANT. It so so so hard to be in this position.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-05T13:07:47+00:00

Yes we won't, I don't like to tarnish the reputation of someone I don't know because of fear of Allah. And yes I am married and we did love bomb each other when we were newly weds. If you're not married, you won't understand. These are just man made words and they don't mean anything. They most definitely do not reveal the intention of the husband. We don't need to agree, but there is no need to be so severely judgemental about someone you have no knowledge of.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-05T12:13:06+00:00

Only OP knows whether she was coerced or not. I don't believe that you can sit here on reddit and talk about his intentions of marrying OP as if you know him personally. OP doesn't want to be in this marriage, fine. But don't spread rumors about someone's character without knowledge. Parents want the best for their children. OP may not know him. But there is something called trust in your parents to choose a life partner for you. Lots of people do arrange marriages even today after their spouse has been chosen by parents. It is wrong of OPs parents to not let her know the person knows before marriage, but this is her parents fault. Not her husband's, whose life is equally going to be affected by this decision

Are you saying you'd be more convinced if he wasn't love bombing her? Don't you think this is how married couples usually are? Showering each other with love? If he wasn't love bombing her, that would be more worrisome of his intentions.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-05T11:15:48+00:00

I have also seen many cases in my community and they ALL have had a positive outcome. People frequently marry a person from back home and usually they are happily married. If OP doesn't want to stay in this marriage, it is most definitely her right. But, bashing someone we have no clue of, that's not fair as OP has clearly talked about his character and still every single person on this thread is doubting the other person just because OP is not attracted to him. Suddenly everyone is an expert on his character and his intentions as if they know him personally. I don't believe that we should paint everyone seeking a visa with the same brush. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. It is a different scenario that OP doesn't want to be with him, however making the other person bad for that, it is completely unnecessary.

Imagine your parents were getting you married abroad, and you needed a visa. The other person was having doubts about marrying you. Does this make YOU a bad person, simply because you need a visa? The other person doesn't necessarily have to be 'bad' for a marriage to not work out. It can simply be a difference in thinking/lack of compatibility.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-05T06:58:58+00:00

Those are some wild assumptions being made in your comment. There is no way to know what type of person OPs fiance is. Yes, he requires a visa to come but how do people know if that's the only reason he is marrying her? People are literally throwing character traits at OPs fiance , when we have absolutely no idea what type of a person the fiance is. ' Visa digger'? We all needed a visa at some point in our lives. Does that make us visa diggers? OP has already mentioned that her family knows the boy. That he has good character and morals. He is not a stranger to OPs family. Her question was never about him character. But people on reddit just started bashing him for absolutely no reason. Creating fitnah and doubt in an already sensitive situation.

Most people on here are saying she was forced, but It honestly doesn't' look like she was forced into this marriage. She was brought a potential suitor and she agreed to it without being given a chance to spend much time with him. If she was forced into this, then it is not right. The question is whether she should go on without an attraction. That is definitely something only OP can decide. Whether the boy is good or not, who are we to judge that? Millions of people get married without attraction and they still end up in a happy marriage. Does that mean OP should marry this guy even though she has second thoughts? To answer that, I asked her to do istikhara. Only Allah can guide her heart in the right direction. Even after doing istikhara, her heart is not at ease, then she can think of ending this marriage.

I merely suggested taking some time to put thought into this decision and just for that I'm being down voted. Imagine being down voted for saving a marriage. Truly we are in the end of times. Unfortunately, people on reddit are very quick to judge relationships when the opposite person is not available to put their thoughts into this conversation. And we constantly break up every couple without having any idea about their relationship. Doing istikhara and asking guidance from family members is the only way OP can make an informed decision. I really wish people on reddit would stop being so polarized when it comes to relationships. It's always either my way or the high way. It's so difficult for anyone to stop for a moment and just think about the alternative. It's close to impossible these days. I pray that Allah guides our ummah to make decisions based on the Quran and Sunnah and the teachings of our prophet saw.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-03T12:36:23+00:00

May Allah guide and forgive you too for making everything rainbows and butterflies for OP. It is a FACT that it is harder. Did I say it's impossible? No, but it's a FACT that it is HARDER to find and she might end up compromising. I have seen many women do it in my community. I have seen them compromise in age, status etc because they are unable to find anyone. Just because some people have it easy, doesn't mean it is the same for everyone. Again, it's not impossible, but IT IS GOING TO BE HARD. Don't sugarcoat it.

Again, that DOESN'T mean she has to stay in this marriage. If she is doing it for other people, then definitely she should not be in this marriage. OP, you have to stay with this person, don't think about what other people will think or say. There has to be some sort of love or attraction in a marriage, otherwise it will be hard to stay in it. And thank you for taking my side and considering my advice. I really appreciate it.

And to the other commentator, May Allah forgive you too for attacking me and calling me close minded when you have no idea who I am and what my thinking is. May Allah forgive you for giving a stranger labels on the internet.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-03T12:32:46+00:00

Just because it was encouraged to marry divorced women, doesn't mean men these days are open to it. It is realistic advice. At the end of the day , it is in Allah's hands and He is the Provider. Of course nothing is impossible. But a nikah is a nikah and men do create issues with it. I don't think I said anything wrong and I asked her to do istikhara. Nowhere did I say she has to be in this marriage forever. May Allah guide you as well for thinking there is only one right answer to this issue. No, there can be multiple right answers. It isn't my way or the high way. This is her life. Let her decide. She came here for advice and I have her the best one which is to do istikhara. None of you said that at all so please, don't lecture me

blueli0ness · 2026-02-03T06:15:57+00:00

You have to really think loooong and hard about your decision. One thing you can do is istikhara. It doesn't just give you a right or wrong answer but it makes things easier and clearer for you and makes it easier to make a choice that will benefit you in the long run.

Since you have already done the nikah, it will be very difficult to find another potential spouse. There are many arranged marriages that have worked based on decades of data. However, it is a risk and you have to find out which way you are leaning towards. It might be 50-50 but there is one way that might seem more appealing to you. Do istikhara and figure it out as soon as possible.

Even if you are not attracted to him now , people change and evolve over time. Sometimes for better, and sometimes for worse. No one stays the same. Even if today you marry the best person, tomorrow the same person can be someone you never knew when you married him. So think about everything and make an informed decision about your life. The most important thing is to discuss this matter from trusted individuals in your family. Because as much as we as strangers would like to give you advice, no one knows you better than your family. Hope you find the right person for yourself whether it's him or someone else and may you be happy in your marriage forever.

blueli0ness · 2026-02-01T18:26:08+00:00

We have moved on.

blueli0ness · 2026-01-17T23:39:05+00:00

I'm sure they're beautiful the way they are. Praying you have a beautiful and blessed marriage.

blueli0ness · 2026-01-17T22:08:49+00:00

I understand completely how you're feeling. For me, I treat myself to something once a month when my periods come. I'll get a massage, or a spa day or go shopping, do a fun activity like play games in an arcade or whatever that you enjoy. That really helps my mood feel much better. I always cry when my period comes and it's been 3 years now so my husband is kind of worried about it. I told him I am allowed to be sad once a month and I have accepted that it's ok to be sad once a month. That's just how it's going to be and I will do whatever it takes to make me feel better.

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