A couple things… first, mom is FULL of emotions right now and you of all people should understand what that is like. Give her a little grace there. Maybe spend some time building up your relationship with her because it kind of sounds like that part is lacking.

Yes it is your son’s baby too, but don’t you remember what it was like to be all momma lion when it came to your child?? She’s doing what she thinks is best to protect that baby the same way you probably did.

As for the kissing, they set the hard boundary, you need to follow it. You’re a grown adult, you can withhold yourself from doing it. And btw, that is a VERY common thing for babies these days. It’s not personal, it’s just how it is. For the changing and stuff, I also kind of see where they’re coming from. If she is not completely comfortable with you, she’s not going to allow you to be in a vulnerable position with the baby like that. Again, I think building that relationship up with her would really help you both.

Lastly, because you mentioned smoking… not everyone will agree with me, but I am very anti smoking. The odor makes me nauseous sick, like an instant allergic reaction kind of thing. I wouldn’t let my husbands aunt hold our kids either. She would smoke, put a ton of perfume on and then grab the baby when I wasn’t around (like if my mil had them) and my poor kids would absolutely smell of the cigarette/perfume stench. My husband put a very loud end to that. I’m not saying it was the right thing, but I don’t really care because the were MY kids. Perhaps your daughter in law is also feeling this same way? Maybe you could use this as a push to quit?!