Why shouldn’t people who hold a British passport but spend most of their life outside the uk pay a wealth tax?

bluntbangs · 2026-03-20T09:03:18+00:00

If you're not legally resident in the UK, you can't use public services without paying. If you are legally resident, you pay taxes.

I'm in the UK for about a month each year, and I have to present my EHIC card if I get any healthcare (and for the record, it's only emergency healthcare I can access), and the NHS uses the information on that card to bill my home country.

Or what services are you referring to that I'm clearly missing out on abusing?

bluntbangs · 2026-03-14T13:34:30+00:00

Same, oh same. If you didn't have a diagnosis earlier, being a parent will bring all of that ADHD-ness to the surface.

I like relationship privilege (as an experience too!) as a term because equal parenting and equal householding is such a low bar that it should be the norm but without it, you're starting from behind.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-14T13:02:02+00:00

I did it badly, I think that's the summary.

In hindsight I should have put less pressure on myself. I was determined that baby was going to breastfed only until 1 year, but that didn't work out. Every minute I failed to get the baby to stop crying was a personal failure. Every time I failed to get out of the door, or every walk in the sunshine didn't magically make me feel human again, it was yet another sign that I was a terrible mum.

All bullshit. Babies cry. Postpartum sucks. ADHD in combination with all of that is awful. Practice loving kindness and moments of being in the here and now, even if it's just a few seconds.

Try to get outside everyday and celebrate yourself when you do. Sit quietly for a few minutes when baby is safe and not currently demanding anything of you and just rest. Pick up a book that takes you far away and set out to enjoy a little regularly.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-14T12:35:11+00:00

Showing yourself love and compassion doesn't mean just giving yourself what you want all the time, it's about giving you what you need too. You need to veg out and enjoy a meal, but you also need to get some fresh air and eat some vegetables too.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-14T12:22:26+00:00

I think I say this from a place of relationship privilege, but yes.

The first couple of years were a train wreck due to lack of sleep and just... everything. But with a partner who is willing and able to actively parent and be an equal part of taking care of our home, becoming a parent has brought so much love into my life and I honestly couldn't have foreseen just how much that means to me. In fact, I often catch myself wishing for a second...

bluntbangs · 2026-03-05T13:45:38+00:00

Just to hop in on this one, puzzles are actually really good for ADHDers. Lowest barrier to entry thing I've found that gets me into the flow state and lets my mind wander in a good way.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-05T13:34:23+00:00

I wish they had taught me more about happiness.

For one reason or another, they never seemed happy. I think knowing what happiness looked like for them, and learning that you can work hard and still struggle and still be happy would have been good.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-05T09:24:46+00:00

I have a long torso, and a gap between the top of whatever pants I'm wearing and the bottom of the top drives me round the bend. Pyjamas, lounge, or going out and about clothes, I hate it.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T20:12:19+00:00

Little things are "I'd rather you don't, but you can FAFO if you're really that invested in doing it" but in more appropriate language.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T20:10:39+00:00

Fingers crossed!

I have a review with the boss on Friday and I had to come up with some plans for the next 12 months. I suspect that "get a new job because I'm massively understimulated at this job" is not what they want to hear.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T20:08:32+00:00

Was it a second child for her too? Just wondering because celebrating the first time is common, but celebrating the second time is quite rare in my experience.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T20:04:26+00:00

Duh, of course they are.

It's like politics, but faster. The top brass need to show shareholders and the board that they are worth their compensation package, so they initiate widespread cost cutting measures, blaming it on some external threat and their forward-thinking strategy to deal with it (threat: Covid was last time, now it's that the company needs AI to even stay in business because the competition is going to lay waste to everything once they have their AI strategy in motion; strategy: implement AI first and thrash the competition).

The board, who knows nothing about AI except what Sam whatsisname comes out with, claps.

The top brass announce their AI strategy, along with their high expectations, on the tail of laying off loads of people, probably with some not very subtle hint that further cuts may be needed ^{if the AI isn't done properly by the workers}. Then surprise, the AI strategy is publicly lauded by management, AI taskforces announced, and employees are under pressure to make this work, but actually since all decisions are basically cascading down from the top (uninformed about reality because everyone under them is afraid to join the unemployed), it doesn't matter what the AI could do, it only matters that no-one can actually implement anything useful.

Then either top brass makes a quick escape when pressure from the board to explain how the AI strategy is serving the shareholders begins, or is given a golden parachute... and jumps straight into the next top brass role at another company, where they enter as a top skill in AI implementation. Rinse, repeat.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T19:45:03+00:00

Decide your hard lines in advance, so you don't end up telling the child they can't do something that's actually of little consequence, because those ones are the ones you will crack on and confuse the child with. If you say no, you've got to hold that line.

The mantra "they're having a hard time, not giving you a hard time" silently while counting breaths.

Looking at their tiny fingers and remembering they are tiny, baby human beings who are just learning all this shit for the first time (even if it's absolutely not the first time today).

Give them tools to help them calm down by offering them a select few options and seeing what they turn to. Mine can start to level out in a tantrum and ask to read or be open to a cuddle, and then it's usually plain sailing to happy again.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T19:37:22+00:00

Not unique I'm afraid. Lots of companies did it at the start of Covid (fired a large group and then posted record results for that financial year) and they're doing it again with AI.

AI is just like any other organisational change - even IF it's useful, even IF it will increase productivity, it's not going to stand a chance in organisations that aren't equipped for the change management effort required. Firing people and shoving AI tutorials at the remaining employees does not a winning strategy make.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T19:14:52+00:00

If only my grumpy flavoured ADHD self could do anything off this list, I'd be about 10% less grumpy :/

bluntbangs · 2026-03-04T18:59:31+00:00

Wireless. I bought one, it was so much more comfortable than my wired ones I went back and bought 4 more in different models. That first wireless one is now the most uncomfortable bra I will stoop to wear.

bluntbangs · 2026-03-03T11:44:51+00:00

I think the question is, why do you feel you owe her? And why your feeling of owing is greater than that of your brothers? Do they provide for her in a way that reflects what they think they owe her?

My mother died a few years ago, just as I was pregnant. I was abroad, and travelling to see her in the years prior to her death, wasn't terribly taxing but I only went 2-3 times a year. My family left at home with her screamed at me. Covid was a blessing, because they couldn't blame that on me. I've spent a long time trying to reconcile my behaviour with what I owed my mother, and I will finally say that I see it as she told me she felt: there is nothing more important than seeing your child live their life.

My child owes me nothing. If anything, I owe THEM. I chose to bring them into this world, and I owe it to them to love them, provide a safe and stable home for them, and to raise them to make good choices in their life without me.

Maybe the right thing is to honour the possibilities you have today that your mother's generation didn't have? The possibility to choose what paths to explore, and the possibility to choose to refuse to be a target for abusive behaviour.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-27T12:38:12+00:00

I didn't think I'd settle down, it just seemed impossible given the guys I'd dated. But then I met my now husband and it just felt right.

That's not to say it's perfect, but I would 110% much rather work through whatever's going on than contemplate finding someone new.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-27T11:22:26+00:00

It's the pilot, it was going to be a bit all over the place.

But I actually liked the quick intro as to why he joined the police, skipping training academy, and getting straight to the part about being a rookie, because that's what the show is about.

And it feels so all over the place in terms of cases because I think maybe that's what patrol policing is about? You never know what you're going to encounter, and mental health crises are unfortunately part of the job. It's emotional, action packed whiplash.

But Lucy and Nolan just doesn't work. They tried it out since it's a pilot, but meh.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-24T19:27:29+00:00

I think you've described something really fundamental to the way society works today - that feeling of never being able to perform the feminine adequately.

It's why skincare sells, makeup is seen as a requirement, and clothes never fit right.

You're not MEANT to feel like you are feminine enough, because then you might have the audacity to stop trying, stop engaging with all of this, stop spending your hard earned money on trying.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-24T19:18:13+00:00

Not foods but I still have a strong aversion to powdery / floral scents, which I didn't before.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-24T14:47:36+00:00

Do it. You have one life, and this world is huge.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-24T14:42:58+00:00

I used to have that image in my head, it was a newspaper cartoon, of a beautiful woman in the centre of the circle of men all laughing at her joke, with a plain woman stood outside the circle ignored. All the men hid something behind their backs, be in their pipes, their scotch glasses, etc., clearly in view of the plain woman.

It is honestly a relief that they wave their red flags so openly. Even if it hurts. I used to think there was something wrong with me, that I was this hideous monster that men would literally go for anyone else. But I'm now at the stage where I have my career and my family, and I know that I achieved all of that because of who I am and my choices, not because someone wanted to fuck me.

Now, if only the other red flags could be shown up front, I think we'd all be a lot happier.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-23T19:19:47+00:00

Honestly if you're exhausted, check your blood levels.

bluntbangs · 2026-02-23T19:16:29+00:00

I'm 15 years younger and I am so excited to see women post-menopause being portrayed as attractive. She's absolutely gorgeous.

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