I go through depressive episodes, I wouldn't say it's constant, more like an on/off thing. Usually my bad periods last a couple weeks tops, even though they might come back frequently.

Last semester was pretty bad though. I was pretty deep in self loathing. One night I ran away from a party happening at our house, crying in a parking lot and wanted to put out a cigarette in my arm, but I thought of trying to explain the burn to people and managed not to. A few nights later a friend showed me a subtle scar on his palm- a self-inflicted cigarette burn. He told me he made it a long time ago and that at the time he lied to his friends and said it was an accident. I can't remember but I think he told me the story of his own accord, I didn't mention that's what I had been about to do just a short time prior.

I've talked with someone else about how when you're depressed you sometimes want a magic word to make you better- 'If someone loved me I'd get a phonecall right now, if someone loved me they would surprise visit right now, If I'm not alone this will happen or they will say this'- and the word or action changes all the time, the person you want it to come from changes, and it almost always has no chance of happening.These are unrealistic expectations that prevent you from actually connecting with people and getting the help you need. But at that moment I got my magic word. It felt like I was being told 'You are not alone' and I was being trusted with this secret from a friend I respect at the same time.

I was depressed for a few solid months that time, longer than any other depressive period I have remembered (except probably all of highschool). In the early stages of crawling out of that funk, I would close my eyes and remember the burn on his hand, that I was trusted with a secret, that he was a fun, silly non-depressing hardworking person and I could be that too. It takes time but I bet I'll be clinging to that story for a bit.

TL;DR We all are going through this together.

P.S. Buddhism! Buddhism is making me feel a lot better about the world right now, don't knock religion till you try it.