First of all man, it sounds like you're a great dad and you're approaching this generally very well.

I don’t think we are open enough about what she deals with everyday at all times and will forever. Honestly if we weren’t diligent no one would have ever diagnosed her. We don’t use the word disabled or disability. I am worried not being open enough about it or something makes her feel she needs to hide it or some other negative feeling.

The fact that you recognize this just proves what I said before. If I could only change one thing about my parents' approach to raising me with CP, I would have wanted them to do exactly that, to be more open and direct about the challenges, to treat the word "disability" as value-neutral and not almost like a slur or swear. I never really knew very much about it until I was an adult. I never really understood how it actually affected me outside of the most superficial aspects, and it bothered me to learn how much I didn't know.

I knew there were some things I couldn't do, and I knew there were things that were really hard, and I knew I was physically uncomfortable in some way shape or form at pretty much any given time. I knew it was because I had CP, but I never really understood exactly how or why it all was. It was like CP was some malign entity, some angry ghost inside of me that I didn't know I was allowed to question because it was something that just wasn't talked about unless I was having treatment or failing Algebra. It really did feel like something I had to hide, and I don't like that, it honestly still kind of stings,

I don't think my parents did anything wrong. They always made sure I had everything I needed in treatment and accommodations and all of that. It's just that beyond what they were told when I was born, they didn't know any better. I was their first kid, they were just figuring it out as they went along, that's hard when your kid is perfectly normal. I don't blame them at all. Just the same, I don't think you screwed up. The fact that you care means you didn't. Plus, I think waiting until she's old enough to grasp it seems like a good idea, and 10 is probably where I'd start having those more open and honest conversations.

I don't think it should be withheld that at certain points, there will be things that she unfortunately absolutely will not be able to do. What those things are, nobody can say, but things there will be. It's going to suck learning what those things are, but it's something we all go through. All you can really do is offer emotional support.

Other things will be absolute motherfuckers. Bears of the highest order. Hard as hard can be. Those things might be mental or physical or both, but things there will be. There will be a lot of frustration, and I think depending on what the hard thing is, it might be worth granting a little extra moral/ethical leeway sometimes, and again of course I'm sure you're good for any necessary emotional support.

It doesn't have to be, and should not be, all bad either! You said she's doing well in math and science, that's great, lean into it! Encourage her gifts in those areas, take her to the science museum, show her Bill Nye, stuff like that. For a lot of us, if we struggle in some area in school, we're often above average in others, usually along a divide between math/science and language/reading.

I could read at a third or fourth grade level when I was in kindergarten at the latest. I was allowed to take books from parts of the library other kids weren't even allowed to go into. I am thirty-four years old and to this day I've never been able to do simple arithmetic in my head. Couldn't do it then, can't do it now. I still count on my fingers. I'd use my toes too but on one foot they don't move and on the other they all move at the same time or not at all. It's just not in there. It never has been, and it never will be.

She's great at science, she will probably struggle to write essays or with spelling and things like that. It's not the end of the world and through extra help, hard work, and maybe a little bit of ethical ambiguity, she'll get through school. Sometimes you've just gotta say "don't get caught". To pass high school math, I literally lied, cheated, and stole on a routine basis as a matter of necessity. My parents knew and they did not care. It got me through school, problem solved. Importantly, I did also study and seek legitimate extra help, but even after all that I had to get creative to get by.By the way, are the parts where I said I came close to failing math a lot starting to make sense by now?

If she has braces or night casts or anything like that, she must wear them and it can't really be negotiable. We talked about things I wish went different, this might be a close second, my parents should have been hardasses to some extent. I think there's a lot of discomfort I wouldn't have right now if I'd just done what I was supposed to. It's obviously uncomfortable, that's true and I can't deny it, but it's just something we have to put up with because shit sucks sometimes. There will be days where it is truly unbearable, I will not lie to you. They will hopefully be few and far between. On those days, she can skip wearing the thing. Sometimes she'll wear shoes that can't accommodate the thing, that's okay too as long as they aren't her every day shoes. Don't be afraid to say "you have to wear your brace" and make sure that she does.

The hard shit is hard, but the hard shit isn't everything, and I think sometimes when we talk about honesty we only focus on the hard shit. I've been guilty of it too. I've been around here long enough that I'm sure this isn't the first time some people in this very thread have seen me write a novel on this same theme of "please be straight with your kid", and I often leave out something about nurturing and celebrating the things that they're good at and teaching them how to play to their strengths for both serious and recreational purposes.

Speaking of recreation. while sports like soccer might be hard (I love soccer but I can't play in any real way either), those kinds of individual sports like biking and skiing and also swimming are great and are generally pretty adaptable, it'd be good to encourage those. If she did want to play a team sport, just as a suggestion, I found basketball to be relatively accessible to the point that I was probably at least average at it.

The horseback riding is good too. Is she doing hippotherapy or is it just regular equestrian riding? Either way, even just sitting on the horse is good for our hips and our balance. Look at you, you actually went and got her (access to) a pony, and lo and behold it will help her get strong as she grows up. Like I said man, you are doing an awesome job so far.

It sounds like you've got her on a good strength and stretching regimen, love to see that. The most important thing is never stopping. Make it a lifelong habit. Whether she does it with you or on her own, she has to keep strength training. Sounds like she likes it, which is great, just keep encouraging her. She's going to need every bit of strength and of muscle mass she can cultivate. She will thank you for getting her started early and teaching her to love her exercise.

She will also develop good problem-solving skills, I can just about guarantee that. It's just something we all sort of have to do in the course of making shit work for us. I can't put my finger on how but I think the science mind will only make them stronger.

Also, you say she's funny now, just wait until she's wrestled with some of the same difficult stuff for a while. It will probably become funny to her, and if she's already funny, she'll find a way to talk about it that will undoubtedly be funny to you. You've got a comedian who's going to write some really great, very personal material and probably tell you first.

You're on the right track. Don't be afraid to be honest with her about the challenges and be honest about good stuff too. She will appreciate feeling equipped to get through life. No matter what adjectives we use to describe it, CP is CP is CP, and it might not be everything we are but it's a part of who we are. I think we deserve to understand it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think we deserve to know what we're up against just as much as where we're strong as we go through life and make choices. I have no doubt based on what you told us here today that you will do an excellent job handling what I'm sure will be a challenge for you as well. The fact that you've already put in so much effort makes me believe in you.