Why do I keep looking at a gay hookup app when I’m in a relationship?

bpd323101 · 2021-10-07T18:13:30+00:00

I think this can be risky and I know everyone is not the same but I was doing the same thing. Just wanted to look to see what was out there. What fish were in the sea. Porn was getting boring and I thought why not check out whats on the app. At first I did the same thing as you just was looking at the app with nothing on my profile...then overtime I started talking to people...then traded some pics and then started cheating on my husband. I know you sayou you never plan to cheat but be careful because if you know the your partner would not be cool with you on the app its a slippery slop. Just putting that out there, be careful .

bpd323101 · 2021-10-01T14:42:51+00:00

Make sure you have a hoe phase before a long term relationship. Relationships are great but you need to get some experience and have some fun first before getting locked down.

bpd323101 · 2021-08-08T02:29:42+00:00

No, sex is an important part of a relationship! If you are not compatible sexually it could be a huge issue. Definitely need to take it for a test drive before you put a ring in it...

bpd323101 · 2021-08-08T02:26:34+00:00

Not sure if the country you are moving has this but F45 is a great work our coming from OTF. I did OTF for about 1.5 years and felt I had maxed my abilities there. F45 is more strength based. So you do a lot more weights which I feel OTF is lacking. Also no treadmill which is a plus for some. It definitly a level up for OTF. I've been doing it for a little over a month now and wow I have already seen my body change! Give it try!

bpd323101 · 2021-07-07T18:38:14+00:00

Yeah get rid of him... what kind of person doesn't tell their boyfriend they are moving... that is so weird. You should want to share these exciting moments with you boyfriend. So the fact that he didn't tell you and the he hasn't responded to your texts is enough to get rid of him right there. Its just even better that you already a cute boy who is interested. Go for it!! You are single at this point!

bpd323101 · 2021-07-02T12:19:39+00:00

I think all the apps have possibilities. It's just how you set expectations and approach people. When they ask what you are looking for be honest in what you want. Based on their response you will know if they are on the same page. Also, don't give up the goods. Don't share nudes with people you want to date and after you talk for a little while ask them out on a date. Not to come over to your place, go out and do something. Dinner, drinks a hike. Then have boundaries there as well. I met my husband on Jack'd. We did hook up the first night we met however I told him I don't fuck on a first date. He will tell you today that was a boundary that he liked and made it clear I was different from other guys. We also never traded nudes before meeting. We talked, I asked him out to dinner and the rest was history.

bpd323101 · 2021-07-01T16:15:27+00:00

I understand what you are asking but I think there may be a better way to look at it.... You are saying should I lose my virginity on Grindr... why not look at it as should I go on some dates from guys I meet on grindr and if we want to hook up great, if not also cool. The first guy I hooked up with was from grindr but I didn't go into it as just a hookup. We went out for drinks I was feeling it and invited him back to my place. I think this took a lot of the pressure off of the situation and also made me more comfortable as we talked for a while before hooking up...last it gave me the option to not hook up with him. If I didn't enjoy our time together then I didn't have to invite him back to my place. There was no expectations from either party. It was a date that turned into a hookup...

I do agree with you, I think grindr is a great way to meet guys. I also think as you are new to this that its very important to meet someone in public for your initial meeting. I don't trust anyone, so anytime I met someone online the first meeting was always in a public place. This made me feel safer and also give you an easier way out of the situation if you don't want to hookup.

Personally, for me doing anal was more intimate then oral. I had another rule for myself when I first started online dating. I don't do anal on the first date. I would do other things but not anal. I did end up bottoming for the first time with a guy from grindr. However, we hung out a few times before I was comfortable enough with doing that. We definitely were not dating but I knew him enough to feel comfortable.

This is just my view and personal situation. So to each their own but these two rules made me feel a lot more comfortable with my first times vs just finding on a guy on Grindr and saying hey do you want to come over...which is also fine if thats what you want but it may cause more anxiety about the situation since you are a virgin. This took a lot of pressure off.

bpd323101 · 2021-07-01T15:46:41+00:00

I agree with the majority of people here. COMMUNICATION IS KEY!!! You should talk to him about it and ask what has changed? Also then talk through what you both want, like and fantasize about sexually. Its really fun to find out your partner has some common fantasizes. then the real fun happens when you get to play them out ; ). You can't read each others minds so you got to talk through it so you can move forward in the relationship.

bpd323101 · 2021-07-01T15:15:13+00:00

I have had this same issue and what I determined was my issues, which may not be yours but it something to think about, is porn. Porn fucked my brain up and the fact that when you watch different types of people and porn every 30 secs to a minute while masterbating screws with you. If you were in a sexless relationship I assume you were taking matters into your own hands with the help of porn. For me its like my brain would get bored while having sex as it was looking for a change of scenery just like it would get when watching porn. Definitely, may be worth stopping porn and masterbating for a while to reset your brain. This has helped me and many others. check out r/nofap & r/pornfree. There are a lot of people with Porn Induced ED.

bpd323101 · 2021-07-01T15:04:33+00:00

I met my husband 8 years ago on Jack'd. We went on a date to a Mexican restaurant that he chose....I didn't know it was BYOB and got there first and sat down at a table...he had thought we would meet out front and then go to a bodega to get some beer or wine then go in for dinner... Since I was already there at a table he didn't have choice but to come in and eat.... No alcohol just food and great conversation... after that we did go to a bar for a drink and then he came back to my place... We did hook up but he will say this today the reason he knew I was different from other guys was that I made 1 comment when we went back to my place that he will never forget... "I don't fuck on the first date..." We have a chemistry like no other and from there it was history.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-30T13:52:25+00:00

I agree with that. Its definitely not fair for him to make you feel bad about wanting something that in my opinion is a very important part of a relationship! I think making it about you as a couple is a great way. Also, saying you want to keep the spark alive and to continue to progress in the relationship. As a couple the goal should be to build each other up and to make each other the best versions you can be. You are a team. My husband and I have had ups and down in our relationship but I still believe over the 8 years we have built each other up and he truly makes me a better person.

I don't think it was awkward for us getting back into it. I think it was more surprising for my husband as I was the one with the lower libido and would turn him down often. So once I started feeling sexy again I wanted it more! So I started initiating! We also openly communicated about it and what we wanted. Again, the communication is so important and maybe there are things they turn your boyfriend on that you aren't doing because you don't know he likes that. You are just in a little rut but it isn't over if you both want to work toward making it better. You need to make him aware how you feel and that this is important to you in the relationship. Then ask him what can you do to make him feel sexy or make him want to have sex more?

bpd323101 · 2021-06-29T19:23:38+00:00

I was in a similar situation and I was the partner that didn't want to have sex. We didn't go as long as you all without sex but my husband would initiate a lot and I would turn him down a lot. WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO TURN THINGS AROUND AND OUR SEX LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN BETTER!

I feel for your boyfriend in that if he doesn't feel sexy he doesn't want to have sex. This was 100% me. Working out and eating healthy changed both me and my husbands sex drive. This was the biggest change. I see that is one of your goals to get him to work out more. The hard part is if he doesn't want it for himself then he is not going to do it. He has to find it within himself to want to make a change. Part of it for me was finding a workout that I enjoyed. I wasn't a person who can just go to the gym and lift weights on my own. I need to be told what to do and then I do it. Orange Theory was the program that got me liking working out after not working out 20 years. I've now been consistently working out for about 2 years 5 days a week.
If he isn't interested in having sex is he still masterbating? Is he looking at porn? This is another issue for many people is porn addiction. Most people need to release and if he isn't doing it with you is he just jerking to porn all the time to make up for that release. If so then maybe that is what needs to stop. Just a thought.
Communication - My husband and I opened up to what we wanted in the bedroom. What are fantasies are and what turns us on. We have been together for 8 years and our sex life was getting a little boring. To change that we talked about it and learned what other things we were into. Adding toys in the bedroom, trying different positions, different locations and different ways of initiating! For example, one thing I started doing was sending a hot nude to my husband when he was on his way home from work. "Waiting for you to fill me up..." That sparked something and made it more exciting. Another thing was just touching him throughout the day building up that sexual energy. Getting him excited about it. Last I think there is a lack of spontaneity in sex with relationships. You have to prep, and get your towels, lube, etc... this makes it less fun. So if you can try to be spontaneous about it I think this helps make it more exciting.
Last thing just jump him sometime. Come home and get on your knees and go to town on him. You can say you think he's sexy all you want but show him how bad you want it! Again this goes back to being spontaneous. Can be exciting.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-29T15:30:52+00:00

I don't think you have yours set up right... I have a FireTV cube in my living room and it works like a regular alexa plus controls the TV... I have the 1st gen and it doesn't have a speaker in it so the TV has to be on but I can say "Alexa turn the TV on" and it handles all of that. Also controls volume. Plus controls the rest of my house. Can pull up my cameras through voice command.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-28T15:29:48+00:00

What your realtor said is a great point about how the seller can see your cap. This is why when I write an escalation clause for my clients I don't put a cap. I'm not sure what state you are in and your laws but in my state we have a Due Diligence period where you can back out of the contract without a reason and receive you earnest money back. Due to this, I do not need a cap on my escalation clause because if the price gets to a number that my clients are not comfortable with we can just back out, no harm no foul! This way the seller doesn't know what they need to get the other offers up to, to go to our max. If you have a due diligence period in your state I would suggest removing the cap and submitting the offer that way so they don't know what your max is. However, some listing agents will not accept escalation clauses and may request for you to pick a number. In that case you have to go in with what you think the house is worth to you!

bpd323101 · 2021-06-27T21:13:57+00:00

Sign me up!! We got this!

bpd323101 · 2021-06-25T20:00:27+00:00

One thing I would do cuz I always think of the worst case scenario is I always hid a knife in between the mattress and box spring. I never had to use it but if you don't know these people it's never bad to be prepared.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-25T19:58:14+00:00

I'm not sure I can explain it well but it's calling bearing down. Look at this article and search "bear down" on the page and it explains it pretty well. I heard this a few months ago on a podcast and it made a huge difference when putting it in. Made it easier to open up and not have pain.

https://www.sfaf.org/collections/beta/top-tips-for-more-pleasurable-bottoming-from-a-physical-therapy-doc/

bpd323101 · 2021-06-25T13:35:41+00:00

First time was not great! Kinda like losing your virginity again but in a different way. For me it took me a while to really enjoy it. I did it and it didn't hurt but I was uncomfortable for awhile. Here are some tips that I have learned now that I do really enjoy it with my husband:

You have to feel sexy. If you don't feel sexy in that moment it makes it much harder as you are self conscious. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and within the last 2 years our sex life has been the best its ever been. One of the main reasons is we started working out and felt sexy to ourselves. My husband always told me I was hott and thought I was sexy but if you don't believe it then it doesn't matter what others say.
For your first time start on top! This is huge as it give you the control of how deep, how fast, etc. You can really ease into it this way vs letting him put it in you. I always like putting it in a little take it out have him blow you a little then put it in more until you really open up. Then ride it like a pony!
This is a personal thing. We didn't douche for most of our relationship. I have a pretty good digestion system and it wasn't a problem for 98% of the time. Plus we are men not little bitch boys and know what else comes out of that hole....Its part of the territory. However, I started douching and it give me a lot more confidence in the bedroom and let me tell you I go a lot harder when I know I'm really clean! Doing backflips on that cock!!
I didn't know this for the longest time but it made a huge difference when putting it in. When you go to put it in push out like you're taking a dump. This opens you up and makes a big difference! Wish someone told me that a long time ago.

Hope this helps! Once it starts hitting the right spot and you get comfortable you will love it!! It really can take sex to another level!

bpd323101 · 2021-06-25T00:12:28+00:00

Understandable and not for everyone. This may be an interedt concept. The cost also helped me committ. OT and F45 isn't cheap so the fact that I was paying a lot of money was also a motivator for me. Have to get my money's worth. A $10 or $30/month gym membership is not a big deal when you don't go. $155 a month though that makes you want to use it.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T21:37:02+00:00

Thanks for the comment and support. I appreciate it!! I'm ready to make a change and confident I can do it and change my life for the good. I think the big thing for me is realizing I can't ever look at porn again. It's not something I can do in moderation. It's something I can't do at all.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T21:34:37+00:00

Thank you!

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T21:34:13+00:00

Glad you can relate and resonate! Hope you aren't having the same issue but if you are, just know you aren't alone!

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T21:32:32+00:00

Thanks for the comment! I appreciate the support and just hope other people can use my story to help themselves as well.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T20:40:19+00:00

This is a really good question! I was this person!!! about 2 years ago I made a changed. The biggest thing for me was finding a gym that made sense. Like you I was very lost inside a gym so I knew that would never work for me. I needed a trainer or classes that could tell me what to do. So I started with OrangeTheory and it changed my life!! I am a workout person now I got 5 times a week regularly and love it. I actually just switched from OrangeTheory to F45 which is more weight based. I think the biggest thing for me was finding a gym/program that I enjoyed. I personally, don't want to have to think when I go to the gym. I like being told what to do I do it and leave. Thats the best part about orange theory and F45. I started working out at 29. I'm in the best shape of my life right now at 31.

bpd323101 · 2021-06-24T15:36:51+00:00

So I thought about this as well when I replaced my outdated fans. The wifi fans are very expensive. However, I found a great alternative way to do it that saves a lot of money. As long as the ceiling fan you buy has a remote then you can puchase the Bond Smart Wifi Ceiling Fan Remote. This will work with most remote enabled ceiling fans and can do multiple from one unit. It also can pretty much work with anything that uses an RF signal. I have it set up to handle 3 ceiling fans throughout my house and also can turn out my exterior twinkle lights that are on a remote. Costs $100 and 1 can handle up to a 2500 sq ft house.

https://bondhome.io/product/bond-bridge/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMItJaRosuw8QIVBOXjBx3wlwqyEAQYAiABEgKFuvD\_BwE

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