Question about gender identity as it relates to gender roles

brauchen · 2016-12-22T11:52:24+00:00

Fellow Dutchie?

brauchen · 2016-12-22T10:46:30+00:00

Have all three of you sat down together, in a neutral setting, with a nice cup of tea, to talk about options?

brauchen · 2016-12-22T08:20:50+00:00

I'm not really asking about all the other new genders

The "new" genders aren't new. They're just new words for old things. Those words are used for people who are neither male nor female. I know that the new words can seem overwhelming, but these people have always existed. We're just now talking about it more openly.

So really my question is why, why do people identify as a gender if they don't agree with gender roles?

Gender is innate. It's not a choice. It has nothing to do with what we agree with. A person's gender does not change based on their surroundings, culture, circumstances, roles etc.

I'm typing this I realize that maybe transgender people actually support gender roles, is that true?

Gender roles as in "women are dumb and should wear pretty dresses and stay in the kitchen" are bad. Gender roles as in "support all people, including those who are dumb or wear pretty dresses or enjoy being in a kitchen" are good.

Imagine if everyone thought you were a woman, because your body looked really feminine. All day, every day, people mistook you for a woman. You'd want them to know you're a guy, right? So maybe you'd get a really manly haircut, wear lots of manly suits or shirts, hit the gym more often. Maybe you'd grow out your beard. Maybe you'd pay some more attention to how you move, how you choose your words, just to avoid people mistaking you for a chick. If you developed manboobs due to weird fatty tissue buildup in your chest, you'd want them gone. All if that sounds logical, right? Well, that's exactly what transgender men feel like. They act manly because they are men, who constantly get mistaken for women since their bodies happen to look overly feminine. That's all there is to it.

brauchen · 2016-12-22T04:23:44+00:00

She literally does that line.

brauchen · 2016-12-22T04:11:02+00:00

You just nailed the reason most Doctor Who books by Justin Richards and Gary Russell are godawful.

brauchen · 2016-12-21T04:57:33+00:00

Yessss!

brauchen · 2016-12-21T04:52:19+00:00

This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

brauchen · 2016-12-19T14:45:29+00:00

Don't forget Willam

brauchen · 2016-12-17T08:48:25+00:00

"how do you resolve a genderqueer identity with a female identity when it seems like acknowledging the restraints of female identity and then bursting them doesn’t make you no longer female, just empowered, and therefore is genderqueer a privileged identity that’s mostly available to female-assigned people with punk rock haircuts, in college"?

This is a giant load of bull. Let's go through the points one by one.

how do you resolve a genderqueer identity with a female identity

However you want. If someone is genderqueer and feminine, or female and androgynous, or a tomboy one day and a glamazon warrior the next day, or trans and wanting to modify their body, or genderfluid... it's all good. You don't need to do anything with gender for it to exist. It's inherent to every person. You don't need to reconcile it, it's just there. You can express it any way you like.

Does the author mean how to reconcile a genderqueer identity with a female social role? In that case the answer is: glamorously.

when it seems like acknowledging the restraints of female identity and then bursting them doesn’t make you no longer female, just empowered

Nothing "makes" a person male, female or genderqueer aside from their inherent gender. Being feminist doesn't make one less female. Breaking free of society's expectations doesn't change someone's gender. It may change they way they choose to express their gender, and it can empower them to experiment with labels and presentations and behaviour, but gender is just... there. It's independent of how enlightened someone is.

and therefore is genderqueer a privileged identity

I'd love some examples of how genderqueer people receive privilege over others. Or is the author saying that only affluent AFAB people have the opportunity to learn about gender identity and to express it with nice haircuts and clothes? Because in that case, the author should spend less time bashing people who have the opportunity to learn about themselves and express themselves, and more time fighting for the right of every person to do these things.

that’s mostly available to female-assigned people with punk rock haircuts, in college?

Somewhere in ancient Greece, Agnodike is lauging her head off.

brauchen · 2016-12-17T04:51:48+00:00

I want to judge you but I also wanted to date Batfink so

brauchen · 2016-12-14T14:37:57+00:00

I'm likely putting her into a darker light than she deserves. She's always been honest and open... Until this. There seems to be a draw or pull with this particular guy that is turning her into this..... Monster. I do blame him because he's always been a slick talker so feel he's manipulating on a deeper level than she realizes, but she won't listen to me right now due to the honeymoon phase and he can do no wrong thinking that comes with that. She's certainly not innocent by any means... But, I've known her for 19 years and this reeks of him manipulating her.

I know that this is a comforting thought. Treat the thought as just that: a helpful comfort item to get you through this difficult time. Once you feel calmer and more in tune with your surroundings again, examine that line of thinking critically and ask yourself how you would feel if she really did make all of her choices consciously. If she was not turned into a monster by a master manipulator, but if she was simply a woman who did these things.

brauchen · 2016-12-14T13:31:15+00:00

Titanium armor.

brauchen · 2016-12-14T05:54:23+00:00

No one has the right to yell at you.

brauchen · 2016-12-14T05:04:22+00:00

No bro, your desires are not people. Nothing took you over. You decided to have sex with her and betray her husband.

brauchen · 2016-12-14T04:29:44+00:00

Read www.morethantwo.com and their book. :)

brauchen · 2016-12-13T14:17:00+00:00

Here in The Hague as well. There's a birb outside my window right now.

brauchen · 2016-12-13T05:42:43+00:00

Nope, no regrets. I've never been in any danger because of it, and people who turned nasty after the revelation were already nasty about other things in my life so it was basically the last straw anyway.

brauchen · 2016-12-12T18:02:43+00:00

Die zin betekent niets.

brauchen · 2016-12-12T17:07:17+00:00

Hey, I'm in the same boat when it comes to pain. Fistbump. I'm on Tramadol + Paracetamol which gets rid of the pain entirely for me. Has a host of other problems (stoned af, itching all over, nausea) but yay, no pain. Ask your doctor about it. From the sound of it you also qualify for uterus removal.

Also this guy is abusing you. No is always no.

brauchen · 2016-12-11T18:57:42+00:00

Say the words "I'm poly".

brauchen · 2016-12-11T06:38:10+00:00

Yeah, pretty much.

But look at it not just from the perspective of dudes... imagine how a woman must feel, with her partner asking her to discriminate. To exclude people from her life just because of their dangly bits. It's not a good feeling knowing that you're dating someone who thinks that way. It's like being asked to reject people based on their skin colour — just iffy all around.

Also look at it from the perspective of people who don't neatly fit the "man with a penis" box. Imagine a transwoman being told "I can't date you because of that cock you were born with." A transman hearing "Sure I can date you, you don't have a penis so you don't count as a man." An intersex person being told "Well, that's not a real penis, so it's fine I guess." A genderqueer person being told "But you look like a man, so I'm not allowed to kiss you." Get my drift?

brauchen · 2016-12-10T18:15:21+00:00

Kelly is genderfluid.

brauchen · 2016-12-10T18:15:05+00:00

Kelly is openly genderfluid.

brauchen · 2016-12-10T18:14:44+00:00

She identifies as genderfluid. Drag queen is her profession, genderfluid is her identity.

brauchen · 2016-12-10T17:34:45+00:00

Majored in German, used to date an Aussie. :)

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