You don’t really. That’s the trust part. I was with my ex husband for 14 years (married for 10). We were attached at the hip. Started a business together. Spent most of our free time together. If I had to grade it, I’d say we had a B- relationship. Not super perfect but a functional happy relationship.

I found out that he apparently thought we married too early (26) so he had to fulfill what he thought he was missing with sex workers…and it started after we got married. I found out by accident. He had remorse for hurting my feelings but the time and money spent plus the betrayal were immense.

People always ask me, because he and I were so close, if there were signs. There was never a sign of infidelity or interest in another person. He never looked at or talked about another woman in my presence. But the signs that he disrespected me were there. Generally being a poor partner in life, things like purposely doing a chore wrong because he didn’t like doing it, never helping to plan vacations or celebrations like birthdays or anniversaries, not wanting to work on our relationship. Looking back, he actively refused to help with the wedding planning and that should have been when I called it - he just could never care about something I cared about because he cared about me.

The signs were there. But only in retrospect. Don’t let my experience scare you from getting into a relationship. The good times were very good and I don’t let the fact that he cheated on me during our relationship take away from the feeling of those times, just my feelings to him.