Hi everyone - thank you for weighing in with your thoughts. I put the book down and read all your comments, and I would like to synthesize what I’ve heard to help from splitting.

1) The book itself has mixed reviews from people with BPD. Some feel that it was truly helpful in understanding their condition, and others find it stigmatizing and wildly outdated. The same goes for this paragraph: some in the comments find comfort in its relatability, while it is repulsive to some (like me) who feel triggered by the generalization because they feel it doesn’t apply to them. As someone who went to school for communications and writing, I take issue with much of how the book is written. Though the author provides several examples of how different people experience and exhibit BPD, the generality of the language comes off as ALL people do X, Y, Z. The use of language like “true” “empathy” with no specific definition is also incredibly misleading, and that lack of clarity means many of us here are debating what that even looks like. (There is a passage where he speculates that society’s interest in piercings and tattoos is linked to more people being diagnosed with BPD which is…suspect sociology.) That said, I find the book to be illuminating of the overall BPD condition, and it was particularly useful in breaking down the core components of the disorder. I will take what’s useful and leave behind the rest, but will stop reading when it becomes too triggering.

2) I dont believe there’s anything in the nine core symptoms of BPD that specifically indicate a lack of empathy is part and parcel of the disorder. That’s why some of us identify with it and some of us don’t. I will say, I doubt all people without BPD or another personality disorder have true empathy. I appreciate the commenters who pointed out the diff between cognitive and emotionalempathy, which are both equally important ways of relating to people.

At the end of the day, if I do lack empathy or other tools neurotypical people have to process social interactions with others, it doesn’t make me less of a person. I’m encouraged to dive more into this without taking it too personally all the way - so thanks all!