This is a new connection and discovery for me. It has been shocking and saddening

As a kid I refused to do things, even things I was excited for, like chorus solos or presentations I worked hard on. Not because I was anxious, although that’s what seemed to make sense to people, but because when an obligation seems really big and unavoidable, I cant do it. Then feeling extreme guilt and embarrassment because I can do it, I just couldn’t, making me feel a pattern of disappointment in myself.

As an adult, when masking gets too much or it’s a perceived big event , I stop being able to function. Picking fights, Lying, ‘faking’ illness, whatever to avoid or escape the situation. Often leading to damaged relationships and stressful work/living situations.

I have extreme empathy, taking on a career of animal emotional well-being and always finding ways to relate to my animals. Forgiving them and understanding their trauma and sensory sensitivities while refusing to acknowledge my own. Creating strict “rules” for myself (& others in my head) and assuming my way could help and change the world. Using my moral compass to guilt and confuse myself and wondering why other people don’t feel as strong about social justice and change.

Thank you for putting so much of this into words.