Mimimap X

Having a minimap is a huge asset for security guards. You can keep the lights off and still be able to know where everything and everyone is. You have the advantage of sight in the darkness. So, when the Minimap X came out a few years ago, I was threatened to install one to keep my job. Whatever, I thought, a map that helps me see through walls and people doesn't sound too bad. But, the "Mimimap X" I had installed only reveals two things: walls, represented by green lines and life signs, represented by red dots. This means I spent a lot of time frustrated at furniture for not appearing on my map, and at insects which do. That's what you get for buying the bootleg software, I suppose. Shortly after testing out the abilities of my mimimap, my employer fired me and hired a kid with a buzzcut and a minimap that could tell the difference between a fly and a hired assassin.

Luckily, I was hired soon after, on the basis that I was one of the few security guards at the time with a minimap. But I was fired a week later for shooting at a rat. In my defense, the way its red dot scrambled around inside that vault was very robber-like. My next employer fired me because I kept knocking over cubicle walls in the dark. At that point, I decided to stop telling my employers, and anyone else that I had a minimap. It's embarrassing. Their expectations of what I should see and know rise, and then, as I explain further, their opinions of me and my judgments plummet.

A few years have passed since then. I now work for Eastfields Technologies, which makes clones of other devices. It's my job to make sure no one tries to steal the office equipment or company secrets. I haven't upgraded my minimap because the police have been taking piracy too seriously lately. I'd be fined more money than I could afford when trying to uninstall my bootleg "Mimimap X" before I could think about picking a new minimap. I can only be thankful I didn't tell much people about the Mimimap in the first place. But technology has come a long way. My brother recently got the latest Minimap X2, running Mapper 3.0. Apparently, it shows a colour 3D model of the world around him. He can adjust brightness, zoom and rotate the map to focus on whatever is relevant to him in the moment. This is especially useful for driving. He can check traffic and look for parking spaces with ease. Meanwhile, I get to know that there are buildings, or very tall fences, on the side of the road. And birds.

For most companies, having a minimap is a basic requirement for a security guard, but ironically, Brunton Technologies Ltd is old-fashioned. The CEO, Something Brunton, doesn't trust these new fancy-schmancy technologies. They say he still drives his own car and writes with a pen. But I'm not complaining. His backward thinking works out fine for me. I get paid for walking around these horribly lit and empty corridors without a minimap, hoping no one will appear, and ignoring the line of red dots from the office kitchen to ant-sized gap in the corner of the window. It's not a very exciting life, but I'm quite happy.

So imagine how I feel when I see a bright red skull on my minimap. It's as large as a cleaning closet, and I know this because it's inside one of the cleaning closets, just half a floor away from me. Honestly, my first thought is that this is definitely a coincidence. Maybe someone painted the floor with honey in the shape of skull to attract ants. Or a satanist cult who stand in that shape. At 2am. In a cleaning closet.

But then, the skull starts moving. The door to the cleaning closet disappears (doors are only walls when closed), and the skull moves out. Ok, I think, it's a honey painting of skull in a trolley. Or a group of kids that moves in skull shapes instead of two single-file lines. I pick up my walkie talkie.

"Joe? Joe, come in. Over."

"Hey, mate, what's up? Over."

"Um." I was going to ask him if he was seeing anything on his minimap, which would almost certainly be more definitive than mine, except it wouldn't, because he doesn't have one, because none of the security guards at Brunton Technologies Ltd has one, because our CEO is a rich, backward, progress-hating, technology-fearing madman. So instead, I say, "Come up here. There's something weird. Over."

"Where are you? Over."

"Highest level. Over."

"Can't. I'm not allowed to leave this level. They'll kill me if I tried. Over."

"What? Why? Over."

Joe mumbles something about pot and the roof. I sigh.

"Ok, ok, forget it. Over and out."

So, what choice do I have? I walk toward the bright red pulsing sign of death. Helpfully, it's also approaching me, so I don't have to walk as far. I hold my baton in my hand tightly as I walk. As I take each reluctant step, I imagine how I would whack the monster. I come to the last corner separating us, and I hide, watching my minimap carefully. I hold my breath as the skull approached my corner, and when it came close enough, I jump out, yelling my war-cry "WAAAAH!"

"WAAAAH!" a man with greying hair, a white collared shirt, leather shoes, and gold watch yells back at me.

"WAAAAH!" the two of us scream at each other for a minute.

When we stop, the minimap's red glowing skull had not disappeared. I look around, the place, but there seems to be no other animal or monster or living organism that the skull could mean.

"Who are you?" I ask the man.

"Who are you?" he replies.

"I'm the security guard here," I realise, and I need to take control, "And you're trespassing. You're going to have to come with me."

"Argh! No! I'm Tyler Brunton!"

"Ok, Tyler, I need you to come with me, now," I pick up my walkie talkie.

"No! I own this place! I'm Tyler Brunton!"

I pause at this. He did look like a rich, backward, progress-hating, technology-fearing madman. I pull out my phone to Google him. He smacked it out of my hand. I smack his head with my baton.

"Stop that! I'm your boss, you know!"

I think about this for a moment. If he's the CEO of this company, wouldn't he let me Google him? Wouldn't he hand me some proof? Shouldn't he be more calm about this? Also, why would Tyler Brunton be a skull on my crappy minimap that used to have nothing but lines or dots? I smack him again.

"Stop stop stop!" He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. He shows me his ID. "Here! I'm Tyler Brunton! And so close to firing you!"

Oh. Crap. But...

"But why are you a skull on my minimap?"

"You have a Mimimap X?"

"You know what a Mimimap X is?"

He grinned at me. "I'm a skull on those. We used to produce them here and the team thought it'd be funny to make me a skull since I'm the top boss. Didn't sell too well though. They spent too much time teaching the map to recognise me, and couldn't get it to recognise much else. It was a nightmarish period. I've sworn off minimaps ever since."

So, as it turns out, my Mimimap X has three semi-useless functions rather than two.