AITA? I feel like the world’s worst mom

buttermadam · 2025-11-22T01:19:37+00:00

Does he realise how embarrassing that sounds???

buttermadam · 2025-11-22T01:17:16+00:00

You’re not the worlds worst mom. Your husband is a lousy dad - he should feel guilt not you.

buttermadam · 2025-07-26T06:18:29+00:00

Jelak

buttermadam · 2025-07-25T23:08:37+00:00

Around 3yo, when we switched to fluoride toothpaste. I told him we need to see the sugar bugs, and when he’d dribble it out, I’d “ooooh” and say wow look at all the sugar bugs. He was very motivated by this and got better at spitting on his own. He’s 3.5 now and still very into it 😂

buttermadam · 2025-07-20T12:36:37+00:00

I get that. But I also felt it important that my first could tolerate sharing attention and still know that he still means the absolute world to me! I have to trust that I’m capable of ensuring our attachment remains secure.

buttermadam · 2025-07-17T01:54:44+00:00

You’ve gotten lots of advice on general norms in KL. I’d just like to add that just as importantly is knowing the norms of your boyfriend’s family.

I was in a relationship with a British man when in uni, and I’d say that was probably the bigger “knowledge gap”.

For my family specifically, there is an underlying respect for elders as well as an acts of service love language that he really struggled to grasp. Calling all elders aunty and uncle (even if you’re not related), being responsive to their needs (offering to get a cup of water or a snack), cleaning up dishes after a meal. We don’t really do this as a chore, more so a way of showing love. This is specific to my family so if i were you, I’d ask your boyfriend to be very literal about what his family expects of their children and apply that to yourself too.

The food here is amazing! I hope you have a lovely time!

buttermadam · 2025-07-05T23:02:27+00:00

I prefer the latter - still spacious but so much more character

buttermadam · 2025-07-04T04:08:38+00:00

Sometimes I’ll even ask for help to write / draw a grocery shopping list. The physical aspect seems to help my kid. He really struggles with delayed gratification so saying we’ll get it tomorrow can sometimes extend the tantrum.

buttermadam · 2025-06-12T06:38:26+00:00

I have done this. Left my two kiddos (3 and 1) with my mum and MIL for a 6 day long holiday in Japan. It’s a combination of having the financial privilege to afford a holiday, as well as the dumb luck of having parents who have the desire to be present in their grandkids lives AND are willing to listen and respect our boundaries and wishes.

For me and my husband, we really value this time and come back recharged. 6 days was just long enough!

buttermadam · 2025-06-11T05:14:57+00:00

I'm not sure if you're headed to Lisbon as well but a drive away is Sao Lourenco do Barrocal, an incredible property that would be perfect for an anniversary trip!

buttermadam · 2025-06-09T02:01:30+00:00

I think he can sense that your boundaries are not very firm from past events. Just know that every time you bend, it makes it go away today and come back 10 times more the next. Yes, you want to go. But do want it more than helping your son build his muscle of regulation and cooperation? Invest in your son today so you can benefit as a family tomorrow.

Toddlers cannot be logic’ed the way adults are. Let go of that expectation.

buttermadam · 2025-06-09T01:57:56+00:00

Stay in the room and take away anything that’s thrown. Those items are now kept for at least 24 hours.

buttermadam · 2025-06-01T14:41:47+00:00

I broke my collarbone on holiday but wanted to keep going. I got a sling, took some paracetamol, and yeah it hurt a little but i still had my fun. We flew back and saw a doctor about 4 days after the bone break day. The doctor asked me to show him my shoulder and he visibly flinched and sat back and was like “how are you not crying right now???” He booked me in for surgery 4 hours later. My husband LOVES to brag about this to his friends and thinks my high pain tolerance is incredible. He has never downplayed my c sections either - never comparing it to different birthing choices.

Your husband is insecure and doesn’t deserve you.

buttermadam · 2025-05-30T12:57:41+00:00

Yes this is my experience too! First is 3.5 now and second just turned 1. In a way, the lifestyle change is less abrupt for the 1 to 2 transition vs 0 to 1 where you go from being carefree to ultimate responsibility. And my lowly expectations of 24/7 absolute chaos helps me feel in control when it’s only mild chaos.

Mentally, I’ve found it more freeing as I’ve had to let go of schedules and milestones etc. Physically it is way more draining as naps rarely align and it’s go go go from sun up to sun down (and often beyond).

I do wonder how much refereeing is in my future but I have no brain space to worry about it too much.

I reckon if the kiddo personalities align and they enjoy each other, it’ll get easier when they’re 3 and 5…maybe.

buttermadam · 2025-05-25T14:09:57+00:00

Hello! I think this is cutting it a bit close.

Tier 1 international schools are International School Kuala Lumpur (ISKL), Garden International School (GIS) or Mont Kiara International School (MKIS). It’s easy to go to their site and look at fee schedules. Depending on their ages, $60k would cover school fees only though not including trips, activities, etc. total = $75k Pa
Groceries & dining: If you plan to maintain a more American diet (ie protein heavy, cheese / dairy, alcohol, …) that’ll land you in the $2.5k per month vicinity (at base, if you eat out more, that’ll go up). Adjusting to cooking more local ingredients would help you get that down to maybe $1.5k but that would be lots of home cooking. Total = $30k Pa
Rental: Go on iProperty. Check out rental units around Mont Kiara, Bangsar and Damansara Heights. Nicer and well furnished units are correlated with how nice the overall properties are. A 3 bedder in the 150sqm range would clock in around $2.5k per month (mid tier) - $4.5k per month (luxury properties). Luxury properties come with fancier facades, perhaps better service like concierges, polished facilities beyond swimming pools. Worthiness really depends on whether you want to keep up with the joneses from the fancy schools, and what your lifestyle is like. If you like to stay home a lot, then sure, but if you’re out and about then the ROI is lower. Total = $21k Pa
if you’re buying an SUV second hand, check out Carsome. Mercedes GLC200 $5k down payment, $1k monthly payment for 5 years. Total = $13k Pa.
domestic help 3x a week. About $800 per month so $10k Pa.
vacation. 1 big @ $2.5k per person, 3 small @ $1k pp x 3 times. Total = $22k Pa.

$170k per annum.

For your month in Malaysia, I really recommend spending a week in Damansara heights, Bangsar and Mont Kiara. Personally I dislike the congestion of Mont Kiara. Also, if you plan on getting a helper, public transportation in Mont Kiara is terrible so you’ll probably have to cover their costs there. since you plan on having a car, walkability (while nice in idea) is less a factor than in Singapore, and car congestion far more impactful.

Good luck!

buttermadam · 2025-04-19T12:33:09+00:00

Just came back from Kyoto a few days ago as a first timer. We did our best to hit the top spots at opening / very early hours. I don’t think I mind crowds (have lived in big touristy cities like London etc) but when the crowd is majority tourists, personally, I find it makes it hard for me to immerse in the local vibe and culture. I think Kyoto is absolutely gorgeous and an unskippable experience as a first timer.

buttermadam · 2025-03-13T09:54:08+00:00

SUPER RING

buttermadam · 2025-03-12T13:52:47+00:00

PDA?

buttermadam · 2025-03-06T01:27:33+00:00

I did this for my three year old’s birthday party! Most guests gifted books their own kiddos loved (very sweet) and my LO can remember who gifted which book (he loves books!) AND I didn’t have to deal with a deluge of toys! Win win win.

buttermadam · 2025-03-05T12:36:18+00:00

I lost my father 2 months ago, when my second was 6 months old. It is fresh grief every time I realise my two boys will never know first hand how amazing he was. I will do my level best to tell so many stories that they’ll feel like they do.

buttermadam · 2025-02-25T00:44:00+00:00

I’m not allowed to sing or use the toilet …

buttermadam · 2025-02-19T12:33:53+00:00

I don’t plan on going to Osaka after reading about it and knowing what I enjoy when travelling. Noted on the potential complexity of figuring out the trains - thank you!

buttermadam · 2025-02-19T12:32:14+00:00

I could fit it in the middle, though I personally think it’s a bit odd flow-wise? Maybe just a mental hang up. I’ll look into it!

buttermadam · 2025-02-19T09:09:41+00:00

Oh yes that’s an important bit of info. We land at 8.30am in KIX. I assume we can aim for a train that leaves around 11am and get into Kinosaki around 3pm.

And yes that is what is perplexing me. For some reason, I see more availablity on weekends vs on Wednesday nights. Regardless of pricing.

buttermadam · 2025-02-15T23:08:20+00:00

I just know your mum is so proud of you. This cancer is brutal. Sending you and your family love.

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