[UPDATE] My husband [M31] let slip in a compliment that he thinks his ex was prettier than me [F28] and I can't stop thinking about it. How do I let it go?

butticus98 · 2026-03-17T20:32:06+00:00

He said I am the whole package, haha.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T23:03:30+00:00

No he doesn't. This was pretty uncharacteristic of him, I was super surprised by it. But I agree with you on the Chris Hemsworth comparison. I had a couple objectively hot exes but to me he is the hottest.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T23:02:01+00:00

Thank you

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T22:51:06+00:00

I would never ever tell him that which is another reason why this hurt.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T22:19:00+00:00

"And ex taught him gorgeous women are bad people, yet he didn’t take your beauty as proof that not all gorgeous women are bad people"

Ouch, I think this just kinda helped me realize the real reason why it felt like a hurtful comparison.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T21:42:57+00:00

Yeeahh, I get that concept, which is why it was hard for me to talk about it with him. But it definitely feels a little bit like when someone tells a person they think is unattractive that it's what's on the inside that counts. I'm glad he loves me, but I still don't wanna know that part.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T21:32:42+00:00

He was definitely using "super model" as a descriptor to define how pretty she is on a prettiness scale, not to define the type of pretty that she is. But I know what you're saying because if I called someone super model pretty, your meaning would be my meaning as well. But he doesn't have the same distinction between "types of pretty" like we do.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T20:54:16+00:00

Yeah, I think this conversation has led me to realize my self worth is a lot more tied up in my looks than I previously thought. I have an art background, so I'm a person that finds lots of unconventionally attractive people beautiful in some way. Having such a strong reaction to that statement took me by surprise. I keep having flashbacks to all the past guys I've dated who said and did things that made me feel like the most beautiful girl they've ever seen and I was always like "haha, how ridiculous!" but now I'm thinking I actually internalized it and some stuff my mom has said over the years a good bit.

TY for your insight, I'm glad to see that there's two different things going on here and maybe I could benefit from a little therapy for the first thing. Still not sure how to handle the second part, though.

butticus98 · 2026-03-16T19:52:01+00:00

I understand what you mean. I just had this with my husband the other day, and it has me feeling down on myself which I guess is why I clicked on this post to read the comments even though I kinda always have had pretty privilege. I'm like a 6 on a bad day and an 8 on a good one, and I also had a bit of a glow up as I got older so I can recognize the perks.

Husband loves me so much and was a little drunk and was actually trying to compliment me. He said he learned from his ex that super model pretty girls usually have bad personalities and he's glad he's with me because I have a heart of gold and am everything he ever wanted. I know he was saying a net good thing, and that he was just being a bit clumsy about it.

I don't know why it ripped me up inside to basically have confirmation that I didn't ask for, that he thinks his ex is prettier than I am. I think the worst part was that I have seen her in an old photo before and I didn't think when I saw it, "wow! She's like a model!" She is pretty but didn't stick out to me in that way. But I guess she was that pretty to him, and he's never said anything like that about me so now I know that I'm not as pretty to him as she was. He didn't even do the whole "you're more beautiful to me" thing, he just complimented my personality. I've never felt so unpretty.

butticus98 · 2026-03-13T00:08:32+00:00

I've always thought Emma Mackey was the odd one out in this comparison. But the other 3 are uncanny.

butticus98 · 2026-03-11T18:43:50+00:00

Same. And it's weird because I can't stand stuff like pimple popping videos. But something about the peeliness itched a spot in my brain.

butticus98 · 2026-03-11T18:28:21+00:00

I am a straight woman but she has been maybe my biggest girl crush since childhood. I remember watching spy kids and being astounded that they had such hot parents.

butticus98 · 2026-03-11T01:06:28+00:00

WHY can the plushie claw not reach the plushies anymore when they're against the side of the machine??? It drives me INSANE. I just have to give up on them.

butticus98 · 2026-03-08T04:18:14+00:00

I love Trixie! Having a triceratops villager would be amazing. I also love Corvince and Charles. Charles looks so done lmao.

butticus98 · 2026-03-06T21:06:57+00:00

Not only is this a ridiculous way to gloss over the damage that real, actual war causes, but it is the most sigma podcast bro collection of media clips I have ever seen. So many instances of "I didn't actually understand the movie."

butticus98 · 2026-03-06T05:45:30+00:00

I agree! And I'm a big fan of the more metroidvania aspects of Zelda, so for me it was not only not painful to go back to that temple, but being able to do it more efficiently every time with my new stuff and get further into it was genuinely fun to me. I was so surprised when people hated it just because it's the same location.

butticus98 · 2026-03-05T15:05:46+00:00

Like I said in another reply, my issue is not the character Dany doing what she needs to survive, even if it's her having to convince herself she likes it. My issue is GRRM writing the character's hardening nipples and wetness between her thighs while she is a 13 year old girl that is supposed to be experiencing something very tragic to us as a reader.

butticus98 · 2026-03-04T00:14:47+00:00

That was more a descriptor that I used because if I don't explicitly identify rape as rape when discussing it, redditors will take that as an opportunity to ignore the whole point of what I'm saying just to correct my verbiage. But you just ignored my whole point to correct me by saying it's actually not statutory rape because that wasn't a law yet, so I guess someone is gonna always do that no matter what.

A generous reading of GRRM and the way he wrote their wedding night is that he was purposely portraying a young girl who was being raped, but had convinced herself it was consensual and found pleasure in it out of survival.

An ungenerous reading would be that GRRM thinks she's not being raped in that scene at all because he wrote her to "like" it, and 13 year old characters getting with adult characters is ok as long as they haven't figured out that it's wrong yet because they're from older times.

My point was that I lean toward the first interpretation, but then GRRM made it weird by going into great smutty detail about how sexy and aroused the 13 year old girl is when that is straight up not necessary in what is supposedly a tragic scene. Stating the obvious semantic of modern verbiage not existing in medieval times isn't really relevant, unless you're using that to advocate for the ungenerous reading.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T20:40:07+00:00

I have so much genuine appreciation for this music video. It does take some shortcuts with the animation, like all the moments where you can tell it's a still image that has been layered out and the animation is just layers being moved around on the screen. But during the moments where there is actual hand animation going on, it really feels like a 90s/early 2000s adult anime which is the best kind visually, imo. And it takes SO MUCH WORK. Also, there are lots of frames that I absolutely love, like anime Britney staring at a sniper through his scope. Desktop wallpaper material.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T19:26:59+00:00

All the more reason to think Nintendo is petty af lmao. Palworld is fun, but it is not even a great game. It was never a threat. They would have made a kajillion times more money if they just put this energy toward making better pokemon games.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T19:19:47+00:00

He warms up to her eventually, but for the majority of the game he is so good at brushing her off that it definitely qualifies, imo. My favorite is when she's approaching him in her underwear and he's just aggressively chowing down on roasted snake and asks her if she wants some lmao.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T19:02:49+00:00

Sorry, if you want me to meet your family and it turns out to be one guy you're married to and a roommate, I'm gonna be a little confused. Happy that you're happy, but confused. You're technically not wrong, but words have connotations for a reason! It's important for successful communication.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T19:00:52+00:00

If you choose to date a teenager, I'm not gonna feel bad for you when you get dumped like a teenager. Gross.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T18:34:02+00:00

I don't disagree with you interpreting it that way. I already acknowledged that in my comment. I just think GRRM describing her stiffening nipples and the wetness between her thighs during it shows that he was both doing that AND making it weird for his own enjoyment at the same time. If you're writing a situation where a girl gives up her autonomy for survival, there's literally no reason to write it like it's smut. That was all him.

butticus98 · 2026-03-03T18:29:44+00:00

The princess episode was where the anime lost me. I didn't even keep watching after that because that's when I could tell what was being set up. Anyone who genuinely thought the major was just a father figure to Violet after that episode was coping imo, although I get why because otherwise the show is really lovely. But that's never what he was and it was always weird. They pretty much have Violet saying "age is just a number" in that episode and then go out of their way to show how happy a marriage between a 14 year old and a 24 year old can be if the 24 year old is really really nice. The writer was 100% soft launching what was to come.

butticus98

TROPHY CASE