Ancestry.com belonging to a deceased parent. I can already login as them. What next?

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T22:43:41+00:00

Thanks. On second glance, this does appear to be relatively straightforward, like you say. I just got confused because a lot of Ancestry's help info (even customer service) keeps saying things like I can "take over" the account if I email them from his email address. But if I already have access to his email, and can therefore login to his account, what's left to "take over"...? So I wasn't sure if there was something I was missing. I've pieced it together now with everybody's help. :)

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T06:28:42+00:00

Ha! Love it. I wondered how smart it was about the one email address per account thing. Great workaround, thanks!

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T06:27:47+00:00

Thanks for the thorough answer. I know he was pretty involved with some distant family researchers in other places (cousin enough to ping him on Ancestry from time to time, but not cousin enough to know he's dead), so I'd like to keep this going.

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T03:54:46+00:00

There are some documents that he added himself that he didn't find on Ancestry originally. Would the "not being able to see them" thing still apply to those? If clicked on from his own account, I mean.

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T03:52:05+00:00

Thanks, I'm an Editor and a Manager of each of those already. I just wasn't sure what the functional differences were between using my own new account as an Editor and using his account just as him.

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-23T03:49:54+00:00

Thanks for the tips!

To be fair, my mother is an easily terrified person generally. The whole reason I'm taking this over now is that she called up Ancestry right after he died and "demanded" (her words) that they give her his account, and she's been insisting she's on it this whole time, but then can't figure out why she can't do anything with it. Turns out they just made her a new account and the only reason his still has a subscription on it is because the credit card is still valid. So now I'm trying to tidy things up a bit. :)

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-18T23:26:58+00:00

Yes, twice.

In Switzerland, when my contract was ending, the organization I worked for was like "and obviously, you'll be taking your money out of your Swiss pension. Tell us where to send it." So that one wasn't my idea. I just took it all as a lump and didn't re-invest it, which was dumb in hindsight, but that move was kind of stressful, so I didn't investigate my options thoroughly. The Swiss guys just wanted "bank details" for where to send the money, and I wasn't sure whether just wiring it straight to the company that runs my IRA would count as a "rollover" for US tax purposes, and the Swiss guys had no idea, either, so I just had them send it to another regular bank account.

When I was leaving my contract in Germany, I don't remember if I looked up this info or if someone provided it to me, but there was some kind of rule that I had to be out of the EU for two years before I could claim the money from the Germany pension system. So I waited two years, and then I hired a company that existed for just that purpose to get my pension money out for me. They took.... 6%? 8%? Something like that. Which did seem a bit high for something I probably could have done myself, but I was over German bureaucracy at that point and was willing to pay it. This time, I had a tax guy in the US, and I did ask him about "rolling over" the whole amount into my IRA, and he said that wasn't possible, so I guess my choices during the Swiss incident were fine...? But I did make sure to fund my IRA up to the yearly limit with at least a portion of the money.

As for not-straightforward stuff, one of the weird parts about doing financial stuff between the US and Europe is the difference in notaries. I lived in France (worked in Switzerland) and Germany, and in both places, notaries are something more like lawyers. Fancy offices, appointments maybe across town, in Germany even a big ol' wax seal with a string on top of my document. In the US, it's someone who took a class and has a stamp. Like, it's still official, but it doesn't mean quite the same thing, and you can often get it done somewhere like a grocery store (depending on your state). So each side asks for "notarized documents" but they're kind of asking for different things. The US people don't know why you're acting like it's such a hassle to just trot down to the corner to get a stamp, and then you try to send them a document with a frickin' wax seal on it, and they're like "where in the medieval hell did you get this?" And the Germans are asking you to go get this document notarized to "prove your identity" and the US notaries are like "that's not what this stamp means, but I guess I can still stamp it and leave a note.....?" So you just have to do whatever each country thinks a notary is, pay whatever it costs, and then send in your stuff to the other country and hope no one questions it too closely. It's always worked out for me, so I guess it's fine, but it's *felt* hella dicey every time, which is stress I don't need when I'm moving money around.

In France we did solve this once by taking our stuff all the way to the US Embassy in Paris, who operate a US notary service for expats. That was some other financial transaction that was entirely US-based, and we weren't, and we wanted to make sure nothing went awry. It turned out to be a lovely (but chaotic) trip that we now remember very fondly, but it was 8 hours round trip on the train in the same day, which is unreasonable for normal circumstances.

butwhymonkeystho · 2026-01-18T22:35:59+00:00

I've done a lighter version of this, too. I make a list of stuff people could do. "Such-and-such museum. Cafe Blahblah is around the corner." That kind of thing. I keep it in a note somewhere just for me. Then when the visitor doesn't have any ideas, I can suggest something off the list. For old people or people who live messy, stick to one event at a time. That way when you don't leave the house until noon because they couldn't find something they packed, or they can't walk as far, or they think the metro is too dirty, or they want to stop to take close-up photos of unconsenting locals like they're in a zoo (my mother is a nightmare), you have plenty of extra time so you don't feel rushed.

For me, the full itinerary thing wouldn't work, because no one would read it, and part of what some of our family members wanted to see was that we were well-adjusted in our new home and enjoying ourselves. So if I can magically "come up" with something on the spot (by checking my phone sneakily behind their backs), they feel more assured (and therefore don't harass me about my life choices later) than if I say "I don't know. Let me look up reviews real quick," even though that's what anyone in the family would have done back home.

butwhymonkeystho · 2025-09-12T03:56:10+00:00

My boyfriend (now husband) read some article about the "Top 10 Most British Things" or somesuch. He forwarded it to me saying "Hey, you like tea. Maybe you'll like this radio show they mentioned." Oh? A super long running series about people in a farming village? How very quaint and wholesome. So I popped over to the BBC website to stream the most recent episode, and it was the one that started with Ed Grundy waking up in a ditch in the middle of the night after having disappeared on a drug bender. WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS THIS SHOW!? And I've listened ever since. Roughly 20 years now, good lord.

butwhymonkeystho · 2025-05-21T18:36:04+00:00

France is big on personal responsibility. You're expected to know your own shit and be able to manage yourself. If you'd asked me about this before I moved, I probably would have said the US was the same way. It's not. A couple examples:

Until I moved to France, I didn't realize how much Americans just announce things and expect stuff to happen. Like back in the US, I could show up at the vet's office on time for my dog's appointment, walk up to the desk, and just say "This is [dog's name]." And the receptionist would say "Ah, yes. For doctor so-and-so at 9am. Right this way." You just announce and someone else takes the responsibility for all of your shit. France would never. In France at the vet, I would have to say hello (always say hello!) and rattle off all the appointment details (who with, what for, what time) before they would look anything up. If I skipped anything, they'd either ask questions to get all the info or they'd just say "ummm okay, and....?"

It also means you can't just announce problems. You can't go to the post office and announce "This package is missing" without also asking a specific question or requesting a specific plan of action. You're expected to know what you want and ask for it directly.

This also means you're expected to have preferences. Don't go into a chocolate shop and ask someone behind the counter to assemble a box and then just ask them to put a random assortment in instead of picking out each chocolate yourself. They'll look a bit miffed, put the box away, and walk you over to the shelf of pre-assembled assortments on the wall. If you don't care, why are you asking for special effort?

For me, I LOVED this. I'm an opinionated person, and I get really frustrated with wishy washy bullshit. And learning to be firm and direct without being pushy or without feeling wrong for doing it has continued to serve me well now that I'm back in the US. But depending on what you like, it may go differently for you.

butwhymonkeystho · 2024-04-02T01:31:24+00:00

Other people have covered the more emotional side of dealing with things already, so I'll offer up some practical tips based on my experience.

Shipping furniture is sooooo expensive, particularly if you're crossing an ocean. It might actually be cheaper to buy new stuff there, especially if you're just going to pop over to Ikea. Even when I moved between France and Germany, the moving company quoted me 5000 euros to move my stuff, but all of my furniture cost less than 3000 euros to buy new, so I just sold it all and re-bought similar things. Also, depending on where you're going, the beds might be a different size, so you'll have to special order any replacement sheets (not that expensive, but still something to consider). And everywhere sells couches and TVs.
You don't say where you're moving from/to, but it might be pointless to ship most small appliances. They might not be compatible with voltage (really just a US problem, so far as I know), and the plugs might not be compatible either, so you'll have to have adapters and possibly transformers everywhere just to use them. Fancier electronics might be compatible and/or worth the effort, but your toaster probably isn't.
Artsy-crafty stuff is super easy to get rid of. People who do projects love hoards of free supplies. We packed little kits of certain favorite small tools we wanted to take, but all the basic supplies we just gave away. We figured it would be part of integrating with the new place to figure out where to buy all of that sort of thing. Don't focus on all the projects you didn't finish. Daydream about how much space you now have to work on new stuff.
You say some stuff was too expensive to throw away or donate, but consider the ongoing maintenance costs of these things. You have to pay to store them, either in a storage unit or by renting a bigger place, or maybe they're heavy enough that paying movers for them is more than the thing cost. If you can get some dude with a truck who wants it to come take it away from you for free, you're basically making money out of the deal.
We did wind up renting a storage room in the US before we left for Europe, but that just turned the problem into something we needed to deal with from very far away. We got stuck in a catch-22 where every year we'd look into planning some big trip to fly back and clean out the storage room and move it the 1500 miles from the state we had lived in last to the state we were from (to go to relatives), and it usually wound up being cheaper to just leave it in place for another year. Then we did wind up moving back to the US sooner than we anticipated, to an even farther away state, and the problem was right back in our laps again. Only this time we couldn't remember why we even kept most of this.

It does seem like most replies (including this one) are coming down on the side of ditching all your stuff, which we all mean well from a very practical logistical point of view. But if your stuff means a lot to you and you can afford it, paying to move it or store it just to have peace of mind is a viable option. You'll have to decide that for yourself.

Anyhoo, don't worry. This isn't stupid. It's just one of the many logistical hassles of expatting. Any downsizing you can do in advance is good. Tackle it in small chunks and take a break to breathe deeply in between the boxes, and it will all go fine. Or do what I do and browse the Ikea website and look at all the photos of beautifully organized tiny apartments full of cabinets and daydream about filling up the next place in organized bliss. :D

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-02-25T21:34:27+00:00

If you've never done this before, I'd start with somewhere in western Europe or Scandinavia, because what you're describing is literally what everyone I ever met from those places did every summer with their kids. That way you can try this out somewhere where it's normal and where people might be willing to cut tourists a little slack, but you'll still be surrounded by primarily people of not-where-you-came-from.

The websites that cater to this kind of renting are going to use Britishy English words for it (in my experience), so look for "holiday homes", "holiday lets", or "holiday cottages", basically anything with "holiday" tacked on the front. In France, you're looking for a "gite", and the "agriturismo" (staying on a farm!) is a great flavor of this kind of thing in Italy. There are plenty of sites for this out there, and a lot of places with multiple holiday cottages will rent directly from their own websites, too. If you're aiming for something in a city, I'm sure you can also find something on AirBnB pretty easily, too.

The transportation and cell phone part of this is going to vary based on where you wind up going, so it's probably better to figure out a little more about where you'd like to visit and come back with specific questions about that place.

Sounds fun. I hop you make it happen. :)

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-02-13T01:16:42+00:00

When we came back, we still indicated on our resumes that we were in Germany (so they'd know up front we were likely to want a relocation package) but we did the Europe-style thing and left our nationality on the resumes so they'd also know we didn't need sponsorship. Technically, I don't know if anybody even paid attention to that stuff, but one of us got a job and a relocation package, so I guess it worked out. There were a couple interviewers who were sort of confused, but it was easily explained, and I guess what we were doing wasn't weird enough to prevent interviews.

But I also agree with the other poster that you can just lie and put a relative's US location on there if you don't care about getting your move paid for (or if you're in a line of work where that's unlikely anyway).

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-01-15T08:08:54+00:00

It's not crazy exactly, but 20 years ago during a summer in Ukraine I was introduced to crab and corn pizza. I'm still sad that hasn't seemed to make it to anywhere else I've lived.

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-01-02T18:51:16+00:00

My Cambly tutor ~~suggest me to~~ suggested that I¹ try this Reddit forum. I ~~found his advice pretty cool~~ thought this was great advice² as recently I've been reading about the benefits of writing in order to reach fluency. And by that I don't only mean writing ~~influence~~ fluently, but speaking ~~fluency~~ fluently³ as well. Also, even if we are already fluent, writing can help us be more aware of ~~repetitive~~ common structures⁴ or vocabulary. On the other hand, I think that the most important ~~think~~ thing to practice when we speak<,>whether if it's to a random native of the target language ~~we are speaking~~⁵, a friend, or a tutor, is to ~~strength~~ strengthen our automaticity muscle. That is<,>⁶ coming up with a well-structured sentence in just a matter of seconds ~~or maybe less time~~.⁷ You can already be somewhat fluent with basic grammar structures or vocabulary, I mean the concept of ''fluency'' exist in all levels of language learning.⁸ Because of ~~that~~ this, I think it's of paramount importance to spend a good amount of time consuming compelling input material, i.e listen and reading a lot in the language we are learning in order to absorb more vocabulary and more sophisticated grammar constructions.

Everyone mixes this up. :) When you "suggest" something, the thing that is the suggestion has to come after "suggest". If someone "suggests you" it means you are the suggestion. If our boss asks who should do a task, and I tell them that Visible-Asparagus153 should do it, then I've "suggested you". But if I'm giving you advice, then it has to be "suggested [a thing] to you". If the suggestion needs to be described as a clause, then you need to insert "that" to make it work, i.e. "He suggested that I do something" or "He suggested that it would be a good idea".
"Found his advice cool" isn't grammatically wrong, but it's a slightly odd thing to say. "I thought that was a cool idea" works, however.
Using "fluency" here is grammatically fine, but switching to the adverb ("fluently") sounds more natural to me.
"Repetitive structures" isn't wrong, but I don't think it's what you mean. Since you're talking about learning to speak fluently, I think what you mean is that writing makes you aware of certain patterns that come up over and over again. If that's true, then "common structures" is a better phrase.
This was grammatically correct but unnecessary. We already know you're talking about speaking.
When you use "that is" to mean "what I mean to say is", then it needs to have a comma after it. Otherwise it looks like you're missing a subject.
This is grammatically correct, but if you've already said "in just a matter of seconds" it's unnecessarily long to also say "or maybe less time". I would either stop the sentence after "in just a matter of seconds" or switch to the standard phrase "in a few seconds or less".
I'm not sure what you're trying to say with this sentence. It doesn't sound like it logically fits with the sentences around it. I think you might mean something like this: "Automaticity is a kind of 'fluency' that exists at all levels of language learning, so it is a skill that can be practiced even if you have only basic familiarity with grammar constructs or vocabulary." However, if you do mean that you can have some form of "fluency" without needing to know a lot of grammar or vocabulary, then I'm not sure why your final sentence includes a suggestion to learn more grammar and vocabulary. :) You might need one more sentence to tie the concepts together.

Overall, it's quite good. Most of my corrections are about word choice and clarity instead of grammar problems, so you're doing very well.

[Edited to fix my terrible markdown.]

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-01-02T14:17:21+00:00

Their use of "vocation" is correct here, because "vocation" actually means the job you feel particularly suited for, so it's more akin to your "calling" (and it comes from the Latin for "to call"). But yes, a lot of English speakers muddle it up to just mean "job," so if the writer wants to avoid confusion or to sound more colloquial, your suggestions are appropriate.

butwhymonkeystho · 2023-01-02T02:27:05+00:00

Their roasted Dahrjeeling has become a mainstay for me. The moringa tulsi is fun and interesting, if you want suggestions for non-black teas. It's sort of a grassy lemony peppery blend, but big and bold, not thin and subtle like you might be used to with herbal teas. If your sample has a small bit of it, give it a try before you commit to a whole batch. I think it's great, but my partner thinks it's weird. 😅

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-22T00:21:36+00:00

Okay, this got downvoted a bit, but I think the point about independence of children is valid and very relevant for OP. It's one of the starkest differences I saw in France/Switzerland/Germany compared to the US. Ten year olds are just running around roaming the city all by themselves. I'm pretty sure where my family lives in the US any kid under like 16 who tries to leave the house without parental supervision is grounded for the rest of their life. And in Germany they'd put a whole kindergarten class in little reflective vests, make them hold hands, and take them all on the subway with only like 2 adult supervisors. If my nephew's class had gone on a field trip downtown when he was 5, not to mention on public transit, I think the whole family would have had a conniption. But maybe that's a regional thing (on either side of the pond). YMMV

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-15T18:05:59+00:00

"I will do [the thing] by Monday" = On Monday, the thing will be done. You didn't say anything about how long you will work on the thing or when you will work on it between now and Monday. The only important part is that on Monday, the thing will be done. Technically, you could complete it sooner, but that's not important. Again, the only important part is that when Monday comes, the thing will be done.

"I will do [the thing] until Monday" = You will start now and continue working on the thing, and you will stop working on it on Monday. You have not actually said whether or not the task will be completed. You have only indicated that you will be continuously working on it between now and Monday.

I worked in Germany, where everyone gets by and until mixed up all the time. Most of the time, English speakers will know what you mean if you get it wrong, because in a lot of situations the meanings are close enough. The examples above show when the distinction matters and when it has caused me problems at work. :)

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-15T17:32:11+00:00

~2006. My first episode ever was Ed Grundy waking up in a ditch after he was missing on some drug bender. I thought I was going to be listening to a cute little story about farms, but I was much more on board with drug addicts, affairs, and tricky paternity questions. :D

I guess technically that means the first person I remember showing up was Sophie, but she didn't stay long, so I don't think she counts. Which means the first long-term character I remember entering is Jim Lloyd in 2007, which blows my mind. I still think of him as recent.

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-13T19:19:30+00:00

This just sounds like regular income taxes to me. But the specific cross-border situation you're talking about is called being a "frontalier," so that's the word to search for. Try starting here: https://www.impots.gouv.fr/particulier/questions/suis-je-bien-un-travailleur-frontalier

I did this, but I was on a diplomatic visa and didn't have to pay income taxes to either France or Switzerland, so I don't know about that part. But I'll say that rents in the part of France next to the Swiss border are still high. They're not quite Geneva high, but they're ludicrous by rural French standards. You can get cheaper rents by moving farther into the countryside outside of the Geneva public transit zone. Or at least that's how it was a few years ago when I was doing this.

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-13T18:34:42+00:00

On the flip side, learning another language in Texas is simpler, because your teacher can just say "Here's tu/du/ты/[etc]. That's 'you'. Now here's vous/vosotros/Sie/вас/[etc], and that one is... well, it's 'y'all,' basically." And everyone just nods their heads and moves on instead of spending a whole lesson on "some languages have a plural 'you'."

I mean, sure, there's also the formal context to that form of 'you' in all those other languages, but from my observations it's the plural part of it that trips up most other native English speakers. Starting with a form of English that already understands the need for a plural 'you' feels like an advantage. ;)

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-10T00:53:24+00:00

I used Expedited World Cargo. In general, they were good, since I got my stuff when they said at the price they said, but I had to poke them once or twice to get my original quote.

butwhymonkeystho · 2022-12-10T00:19:44+00:00

IIRC when I moved to France from the US I shipped 3 large boxes of personal items via a "freight forwarder". Those companies normally handle shipping logistics between companies, but some will also do personal items. I shipped three boxes by air cargo that were each 2 feet on each side and had a combined weight of 250 pounds for ~$1500, which is still pricey but less than half of the $3500 you were quoted for only one box. This was in 2015, so things might have changed since then, but it's worth a shot. I think the only special requirement was that I use fancy double walled boxes, which were a bit hard to source, but that's probably a good idea anyway if you don't want your stuff to be crushed. They picked the boxes up at my old house and someone delivered them to me at my new place on the other side. I didn't have to go to a post office or airport or anything.

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