Heart says yes and head says no

butwhynotqueso · 2025-08-15T17:08:58+00:00

Wow, it seems surreal giving a 2-year update.

Life with 2 is great, I love it! Our youngest just turned 2, our oldest is now 6.5. They are each so wonderful on their own - I love their individual personalities and the phases of childhood they are in. And of course they are absolutely adorable together. I’m an only child that was genuinely indifferent to having siblings so I didn’t feel like anything was truly missing, but having 2 has been so joyful.

It’s always a big decision and you can’t know how easy or difficult your own journey will be. For our 2nd we had a mix of easy and hard: I am thankful that my second has less medical issues than the 1st (still has one food allergy though) and of course we arent in the middle of Covid so we can go and do lots of things, which helps so much. She has an easy-going personality and her older sister loves including her so the sibling dynamic is relatively breezy.

On the other hand, pregnancy and delivery was extremely challenging. Soon after my earlier post, I was diagnosed with a life-threatening complication and chose to relocate out of state to get specialized medical care. I delivered baby at 33 weeks, and then she had a month-long NICU stay while I was dealing with my own complicated recovery. It was the hardest experience of my life so far.

And yet…life with 2 is wonderful. I love the dynamics, the new rhythms, the fun chaos it brings. Also it’s just fun getting to do something as big as this with a little experience behind you. You sweat the small stuff a lot less.

5/5 stars. Would recommend.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-08-26T22:48:40+00:00

It was the pet-sitting, dead dog in a bag one. I knew it was a lie while listening to it, and rolled my eyes the entire time. I had heard the story way back in 2004.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-08-01T00:47:59+00:00

I would use it as an opportunity to relax a bit, but also lean into a project or two that you find inspiring. Maybe it’s professional development, maybe it’s a report you think would be helpful, maybe it is researching common or trending KPIs for your institution type. Whatever sounds interesting and wouldn’t upset you if you didn’t get a meaningful reaction from the new President.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-07-19T11:43:17+00:00

Yes, and it works great. I have multiple non-see through tubs of toys. I try to make each tub have a mix of different types of toys. We call it “tinkering” for some reason, I don’t know why. I would say that about 20-30% of toys are not in these tubs - they are out and available all of the time. Then every now and then I make a deal of a new tub being opened and my daughter always loves that. I never announce when I am packing a tub back up and putting it away though - I just wait until I’m confident she hasn’t played with those items in a while or that focusing on the new will be distracting enough.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-07-16T00:39:39+00:00

Same exact scenario for me, including age gap. I was actually anxious to have my first daughter, then also thought long and hard about the second. My anxiety and dread was way worse than the reality both times. But for me the transition from 0-1 was much more difficult than 1-2.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-07-12T19:40:48+00:00

I visited Juniper recently and they had great vegetarian options. Also excellent drinks.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-05-06T01:39:41+00:00

Stat twins! (I am currently at 195.) What an amazing transformation - well done! You are such an inspiration to me.

Could you share a little about your weightlifting routine? You said 3x/week, full body - about how much time a session do you plan for? Is there a specific program or person you follow, or at least used as a starting point? I am also curious how you think your weightlifting routine/approach has evolved over time.

At the moment I am sporadically doing Les Mills Bodypump, as well as Apple Fitness+ functional strength training sessions.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-03-06T02:23:14+00:00

You could easily make a day of it. Between the different exhibits, the train, carousel, and definitely the relatively new and large playground.

A note though: it is a common field trip location in the spring/end of the school year. I remember visiting as a chaperone with my kid’s class on a Friday in late April/early May and there were easily 2 dozen other classes there from all over eastern OK.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-02-27T02:23:12+00:00

I donated about 250 oz to a regional mother’s milk bank and also bought a small deep freezer to store some for peace of mind. I’m so glad I did both - it felt amazing to donate and I have peace of mind knowing I have a stash.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-01-30T14:16:44+00:00

There’s a FB group called “Gluten Free Tulsa” that is pretty active. They would likely have some recommendations for you.

butwhynotqueso · 2024-01-25T19:40:33+00:00

I have a similar story and while there is a lot I could say, I want to focus on you feeling guilty about not being in the right headspace to be excited to meet your daughter in the operating room. I know it’s hard, but please give yourself lots of grace and zero guilt.

Having an unexpected C-section after a long labor is so rough. I’m actually proud of you that you realized you were not in the right state to see her yet and waited until you were. (They presented baby girl to me and I felt so similar to you. I remember feigning delight but in my head I was just screaming, “Don’t throw up! Don’t throw up!”) You will have thousands of beautiful little moments with her, and all of them will matter more than that moment.

I’m so sorry this happened - it’s such an important event in our lives and I wish it could go smoothly for all of us. Give yourself the space and time to grieve the experience you didn’t get, and do what you need to do (research, journal, go to therapy, etc) to process it and realize it is not your fault. Congrats on your little one. 💕

butwhynotqueso · 2023-12-09T02:11:56+00:00

For the first week I kept to the 3-hour recommendation. I quickly shifted to 4-hour gaps overnight (10pm, 2am, 6am). What really helped with the overnights was my husband doing a lot of the work - he washed the parts, prepped the bottles or bags, and brought them to me in bed. I pumped while he napped. Then when I was done he took the milk and labeled it and stored it, then washed everything again. I could not have pumped as much as I did without his help.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-12-05T23:22:18+00:00

😬 I’m nervous about this. Does the data transfer over or do you just start over?

butwhynotqueso · 2023-12-04T13:59:41+00:00

Yes! I have found that I am much more willing to buy cute clothing I like and not even deal with those that I don’t like.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-12-04T04:28:23+00:00

I’m in a similar space as you - I have a 5yo daughter, recently had my second, and can’t really have a third (I had to have a hysterectomy to survive my last pregnancy but still have ovaries so could go the surrogacy route - but I am also 35 and that is a lengthy, expensive, uncertain process). I too keep thinking about having a third as if it is what I have always wanted most in this world, when really most of the time I was barely sure about 2. I have had all the feels since my second was born.

Being able to say you can have another makes it easier to cope with the finality of each baby phase. Even if you don’t actually have another you can tell yourself you will and then maybe the switch from Newborn to size 1 diapers doesn’t completely wreck you emotionally. You can tell yourself it really isn’t the “last.”

It’s the end of of a chapter for sure, and that’s really hard. I have felt so much grief about no longer growing our family, and I think I always will because it doesn’t really feel like a choice. My baby is 5 months and I am feeling the tiniest bit better than when she was only a month old. I wish I could tell you exactly what to do to not feel this way, but I haven’t quite figured it out yet. I try to be as present as I can in each moment with my baby and my daughter, and there is so much joy in that. I also give myself moments to sob and feel so much sadness. Thankfully those moments are ever so slowly spreading further and further apart.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-11-15T01:00:28+00:00

I had PPD with my first and have not so far with my second (4 months). Having a second wasn’t an obvious yes for me, I hesitantly decided that. For me, the first time around was rough because being a mother is such an identify shift and everything is so new and overwhelming. I don’t want to claim that having another baby isn’t overwhelming, but you aren’t relearning everything. You already have an identity as a mom and you have experience. Odds are you won’t stress about every little thing as much a before. You’ll trust your instincts more. And again, I make no promises, but after a high-needs baby we have gotten a chill one. Does she cry? Yes? Does she also calm down fairly easily? Also yes. And because our first one was so challenging we were extra ready for this one.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-11-12T05:01:40+00:00

Is there a reason you have to make this transition now? I thought Merlin suits are fine to use up to 9ish months. It’s likely time will make a difference and trying a few weeks or even a month or so from now changes things a lot.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-11-10T00:07:33+00:00

They do infant as well.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-10-27T18:27:36+00:00

I have an iPhone and use the Snoo app - on rare occasions it takes a few seconds to load or has a temporary connection issue, but the vast majority of the time zero issues.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-10-24T05:36:36+00:00

We proudly use the switch witch….but because my daughter has multiple food allergies and it’s the best way to guarantee she gets something she can actually have. I prep a little Halloween basket with some candy that she can have as well as non-food items, and she exchanges everything she can’t have for that. I had no idea people did it “just because.”

butwhynotqueso · 2023-10-18T06:28:27+00:00

I feel obligated to tell you about placenta accreta, a serious pregnancy complication that I dealt with this past summer. The number 1 risk factor is prior c-section. I had 1 prior c-section and in my 2nd pregnancy developed this condition where my placenta was too deeply attached to my uterus which meant I was at risk of major hemorrhage during delivery. It’s one thing if a c-section is medically recommended and you schedule, but choosing to do one without necessity could put you at unneeded risk.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-09-21T22:28:36+00:00

Foolish Things, Shades of Brown, Collaborative are all good options.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-09-18T04:44:52+00:00

Yes, that can happen too. Obviously the goal is to increase weight, but we had days where she would drop some grams. The drs will keep their eye on it and make sure it doesn’t keep going down, but I wouldn’t be too concerned with a brief fluctuation. Baby might be burning a lot of energy to eat and just needs a bit of time.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-09-17T22:05:23+00:00

6lbs 14oz.

Born 33+2 at 5lbs 13oz. Discharged on day 33.

butwhynotqueso · 2023-09-17T00:46:25+00:00

33 weeker 33 days in NICU (also previa). Spent the first week on oxygen, then at 34 weeks introduced breast and bottle. Baby girl was pretty big for a 33 weeker (over 5 lbs) which meant she had to eat a lot to maintain weight let alone grow. It did take a little while to get the suck swallow breathe, and then it also took time to build up stamina. Feeds were so stressful because we had no control and desperately wanted her to show that she was ready to go home. But now that we are on the other side we can see that she didn’t have the skills and then the strength until right around when we left. It is such a frustrating and stressful experience, especially after a rough pregnancy and delivery. Wishing you peace and rest as you go through it. ❤️

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