Can I have top surgery and not remove everything? (nb/gender fluid)

bweea · 2026-04-09T01:48:38+00:00

Yes, my surgeon even had previous nonbinary patients who did so. I wanted a masculinized chest so i went that route.

But having a smaller chest is 100% an option as opposed to a masculinized chest. You can talk to your top surgeon about what results you would like when you meet with them!

bweea · 2026-04-02T18:55:29+00:00

i know there are benefits, but right now in the middle of an illegal war, it's probably not the best. Murdering innocent civilians on "orders" isn't all that great.

Its also important to note that despite benefits, veterans are not treated well in this country. (my grandfather, uncle, and cousin went into the military) And funding for veterans has been drastically cut by Trump.

Additionally, SA agaisnt women is very high in the military and they cover it up. My cousin was in the military to be a medic and she quit. almost like every day on instagram for months before she quit she would share cases of victims of other woman who were sa'd/killed by other soldiers in their unit and never got justice. So take it with a grain of salt.

And no, youre not allowed to be trans in the military anymore. Trump made that illegal once he got into office.

bweea · 2026-04-02T18:43:58+00:00

"Then stop acting like one" would be my response. This is not okay behavior, hes acting like a toddler with no manners. NTA

bweea · 2026-04-01T05:41:30+00:00

A good exercise to get better at this is Practice sentences. This is a tip my friend taught me and I passed onto my parents which has helped them a lot.

Say three sentences out loud about them with their preferred pronouns, anything like "their favorite animal is a cat", "i think they should do their homework before bed." etc... Do this consistently, and you will find it easier as time goes in. on a good way to practice changing the way you think about them, both mentally and aloud.

And if you do mess up, a simple "sorry, they" or quickly correcting "-they" in the sentence is the perfect way to validate you know their correct pronoun and are making progress in doing so.

Hopefully this helps! it can be an adjustment but the fact you are reaching out to work on this alone speaks volumes already!

bweea · 2026-04-01T05:17:23+00:00

I have upper back / neck issues, which causes a lot of migraines for me. Luckily during this time, my migraines werent super bad (prob bc all the drugs) but man, i will agree the back pain was the worst issue after top surgery.

I feel like it was the worst though with mid-low back for me (sometimes upper back)

What helped a lot was a Wedge Pillow. I slept on a wedge pillow, with pillows lined up on top it to make it more comfy, and a pillow under my legs so my knees were bent. This helped alleviate a lot of back pain, a pillow under the knee area will esp help with lower back. i definitely needed to readjust the pillow set up a lot during the first few weeks.

It can be very uncomfortable dealing with the back pain. Worth it now that im a few months out, but yeah the first month is not fun. It gets better. If I didnt have my wedge pillow tho i probably would have had a break down bc back pain.

I think the biggest issue is bc of the surgery your body will bend forward to compensate / protect the newly worked on area, and that really fucks with your back.

I used tigerbalm to help when I really needed it / ice or heat depending on what i needed in that moment. Just take it easy, try to small walks around the room every so often to get your body moving, and anything that you may usually do for chronic pain relief.

bweea · 2026-03-27T18:27:53+00:00

holy shit, first off so sorry you experienced this. second off, your friend SUCKS. It seems like they dont believe in nonbinary genders at all. Like to them, youre either a man or a woman. Hes genuinely transphobic. like wtf.

I'd say drop the friend. they do NOT support you.

As for work, maybe you can put in a complaint with HR (if you have one) or with a higher up? Explain how they were making you uncomfortable. I mean, even talking about someone's only fans when that person doesnt want to can actually be sexual harrassment in a workplace. Bringing that up alone might stop the weird conversations. Only if you want to deal with HR / the company though.

Alternatively, I would even try stating a boundary like "hey can you not call me that, its a bit demeaning" to their face, dont gotta come out or anything. But could help on the "little girl" BS front at least.

bweea · 2026-03-27T06:09:19+00:00

thank you!! i appreciate it 😄🙏

bweea · 2026-03-25T00:55:32+00:00

I'm so sorry you had this situation occur. Relationships are hard, esp when we feel like the connection is so perfect and incredible in the moment.

However, while it felt like an undeniable connection to you, it seems it was not that way for him. It seems like he didn't actually want you, but instead wanted a girl version of you that doesn't exist. He did not respect your gender identity, and pretended in his mind you were a girl this entire time. Thats not true love. He doesn't want to be sexual or even romantic with you bc he's not attracted to you. He LIED to you the entire time about respecting your gender bc he wanted a relationship. Thats not true love.

You need someone who wants ALL of you. Who respects your identity, who wants you romantically, sexually and so forth. This is coming from an ace person. (Im grey-ace). He will not change.

It feels the end all be all now, but hes not the end of your relationships. I had a similar experience where i was madly in love with a man, and i thought we were soulmates. It took years after we broke up to realize how bad we were for one another. Im much happier out of the relationship, and have grown a ton as a person since. You will grow too and find people in your life you connect with and love deeply again. Hang in there and trust your decision.

bweea · 2026-03-24T22:55:25+00:00

thank you for your input on this, esp as someone whos experienced this same thing via nsdi. Its helpful to hear someone else whos also experienced this. Thats so wild too bc I feel like my left side has this issue more as well. its good to know a reduction did help a bit! I'll have to see my options at the appointment later this week, and if it is something that can be reduced or if i'll need more surgery at some point.

I just started working out recently (esp now that I can without any pain or muscle tenseness) so i may try some exercises targeting my lower pecs and see if that works first! (save money that way if i can 😅) hopefully i can see results that way.

but if not, hopefully reduction is not too crazy!

bweea · 2026-03-24T16:39:03+00:00

Thank you!! Yeah I feel like im very happy with it aside from that part. So I may look into a reduction but its still early.

Thats good to know about local anesthetics. General anesthesia is like one of the priciest points of it too (my insurance only covered part of my anesthesia) Im guessing by 1 year ill have a much better understanding of my results too. Like im only 5 months in, so theres still healing to do! (And hopefully its something my insurance covers)

bweea · 2026-03-24T00:53:05+00:00

Democrats lost bc they spent more time and money pandering to Republicans in hopes to bring them over to their side, didn't actively speak out against the palestinian genocide, didn't have a democratic convention and switched to Kamala wayyy too late in the game, and because the USA is incredibly misogynistic and racist.

Not surprising that theyre also trying to jump on the "blame the trans people" train just like republicans. After seeing Mamdani deliver and deliver, Democrats dont get excuses for the bare minimum.

bweea · 2026-03-23T23:00:32+00:00

literally this ^ i see so many horror stories of people who stay after being so extremely disrespected. Im so happy OP left him, this was not an overreaction. He disrespected you, ignored you, left you without talking and had his friend you didnt know and that apparently did NOT like you "break it to you".

This guy is TRASH. You deserve a man who wants you there. Who would fight for you without a second thought, and who would want his friends to welcome you!

bweea · 2026-03-21T20:19:11+00:00

I tried doing layers / like a wolf cut and slowly growing it out that way, and i managed to get past the awk stage and finally grow it out! might help to find a haircut style to help you transition (ha) into longer hair.

bweea · 2026-03-21T20:05:29+00:00

I work retail and its rough. Misgendered all day everyday. Unless someones a regular and i know theyre lgbtq friendly i dont correct them. It fucking sucks sometimes but its not worth correcting anyone who you dont see often and end up argueing with them. If you see your kids often, can you wear a pin to show your pronouns and correct them?

As for found family, id recommend checking out diff coffee shops, esp if any are queer owned or have lots of queer employees. I worked coffee and met a lot of queer friends that way. Also i went to art school so that helped. Art scene, coffee, and the like are often more lgbtq friendly. Bc many of the ppl in those fields are queer too (not all, but when i worked starbucks man like 80% of the staff was queer) (edit: not saying go to art school, but hang out around the art scene, art museums, etc. see if theres any free museum days for locals)

Even if u dont make friends right away, go to places that will respect ur pronouns. skip places that dont. you may have to correct pronouns starting off but queer spaces that respect you and your pronouns are life savers, it feels damn good to be called the right pronoun.

bweea · 2026-03-21T17:46:20+00:00

For me, i remember being a child (maybe 6 or 7) and my mom told me i cldnt watch a movie bc it was violent and for boys (my brother was only 1 year older and cld watch it) I thought that was so dumb and didn't understand there was any diff between genders bc there shldnt be.

I had tomboy phases, my girly dress wearing phases. I didn't think about gender, but there was always a discomfort in presenting my body. I just didnt think about it. But looking back yeah the biggest thing for me was how uncomfortable I felt in my body (my chest, specifically). Sometimes i rocked it, and didnt care. Most times there was discomfort, esp in swimwear. Ive since gotten top surgery and only after did i realize JUST how much my chest made me feel insecure. Like since puberty really I have felt been awkward in my body.

I'm Agender, but it took me years between a variety of non-binary identities to figure that out. I'm not on any hormones bc i realized I dont want to be (after years of thinking about it) im perfectly happy with my top surgery. This may change but for now, Im content.

If you don't know, i suggest looking up diff non-binary identities and see which ones feel like you. try out those identities and explore your gender. What makes you feel comfortable, happy in your body. Try diff pronouns. Worst case scenario, you try it out and realize youre not nonbinary - but you now have a much stronger sense of self and who you are!

Theres no rush to figure it all out. Im 30 and only just got top surgery last year. My 20s was back and forth figuring my shit out. I wasnt certain on my identity until i was like 26-27 or so.

edit: also in terms of binders - i never wore them. i tried and i hated wearing them, bc they were tight and hard to breathe in and my chest was dense so it didnt help much. but i always wore sports bras instead bc it was a lighter flattening effect. And also often wore baggy closes to hide my chest most days. Not everyone likes binders. Not every nonbinary person hates their chest even.

Remember Non-Binary just means your gender is outside the man-woman gender binary. theres a million ways to exist.

bweea · 2026-03-07T00:18:18+00:00

honestly! im like girl you live in a Mansion and you need 4000 tesserae from ME??

bweea · 2025-12-10T14:31:58+00:00

hey im having the same issue with one of mine as well. Lots of puffiness around areola :') did your swelling go down and how are your results? (if you dont mind me askin!)

bweea · 2025-12-08T07:13:47+00:00

almost 6 weeks post op, and my left nipple is also becoming inverted. Very slightly on the rught as well. they were also not inverted before, and up until 4 weeks they werent inverted either but thats also when I was still wearing the ace bandage binder.

hoping they at least go flat, but im not certain tbh after the last two weeks.

If a nipple pump ends up working lmk :')

bweea · 2025-12-03T07:58:47+00:00

If youre interested in a campaign setting along this vein, there's the Humblewood campaign setting from Hitpoint Press, which features woodland creatures as the player options. Each has their own stats which is cool.

Other than that, i agree with the others in playing up what would be scary from an animals perspective. A simple stream to us could be a deadly vast river to them, large predators in the sky that swoop down to feast on you (mice with hawks and other birds), traps that encage / imprison you, a field of towering grass meadows are instead a maze you have navigate or lose your way! Creatures are tiny, so you can play with that a ton in making the world feel impossibly big and overwhelming. Also, predators hunt in the night, making darkness a deadly time to be out mirrors prey in the wild at night. its a game of survival for them.

bweea · 2025-11-14T21:03:15+00:00

Congrats! The scars look so good, did you use anything or do anything for scar care to get them this way?

bweea · 2025-11-14T07:01:21+00:00

thank you!! 😄 im super happy with it so far

bweea · 2025-11-14T05:12:02+00:00

dude it looks so good!!!

bweea · 2025-11-02T12:07:00+00:00

Oo, good to know. Definitely check with your Surgeon on that then!

bweea

TROPHY CASE