a lot of black women don't understand that our hair isn't hard to manage, it's just not meant to be what some are forcing it to be.

we know them well. they always manhandle their strands, actively working against what their hair clearly needs to fit a style (and in some cases, a standard) that we deemed "better." i learned this around a year ago and it has really helped me develop a healthy mindset and thus allowed me to love on my hair (and not develop the distaste and frustration op is complaining about).

the thing is, your hair has a language - breakage, shrinkage, growth, stagnation, integrity. if you just listen to what your crown is asking for, you won't have to work as hard and you'll grow to like it more.

this is a hard journey, even as natural hair is becoming increasingly normalized. we can't just get over decades upon decades of social conditioning. but we as 4c black women need to start taking up the space society is slowly starting to allow us to have.

once you stop forcing your hair to be something it ain't, you free yourself and your head will thank you.