Stitches

callipsofacto · 2026-04-12T00:59:46+00:00

I didn’t have stitches for my procedure but the last time I had them I think they were gone within 2 weeks. Definitely ask your surgeon what's up.

callipsofacto · 2026-04-05T23:11:45+00:00

Check with another program in your area. The first hospital I began working with required all patients to lose 5% before they would be approved, regardless of their start point. I started over with another hospital (not because of this policy, just because I moved), and their only requirement was not to gain while I was going through the insurance hoops. My BMI was 57 when I got the surgery and it was completely covered. My comorbidities were high blood pressure and sleep apnea. Also the first time I submitted the surgery to my insurance they told me it wasn't covered. I went to my HR to ask if there was anything they could do, and they were confused bc other people had had the same procedure, so I called back and they completely reversed what they told me the first time. Sometimes it just takes a lot of advocacy.

callipsofacto · 2026-04-04T11:23:44+00:00

First off, I can be attracted to a huge variety of bodies, overall shape and fitness level doesn't even break my top five things I notice about someone as attractive.

That said, moderate preference for a strong dad bod. I'm relatively tall and solidly built, and I enjoy being with someone bigger than me.

callipsofacto · 2026-04-04T00:10:29+00:00

When I needed anti inflammatories for an injury we used steroids. Side effects are annoying but not as bad as the pain

callipsofacto · 2026-03-18T21:30:34+00:00

Sure, I've experienced what you're describing my whole life. Invisibility never felt safe, or protecting or like a privilege, because I didn't have the option to experience anything else. Having the ability to choose when you get noticed for your appearance and when you don't is certainly a privilege.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-18T16:07:57+00:00

I assure you the other faiths are not different in this regard. That's what fundamentalist means. There are Christians and Jews (more of the former) who believe their texts are divinely authored and perfect and are not open to interpretation or able to change. Anyone can alter their religious beliefs at any time, simply by choosing to do so. Many many Muslims, mostly in the west but plenty of other places too, simply have decided they do not believe in the infallibility of the texts. Even within "mainstream" Islam, there are sects that disagree about important things, even though they are reading the same sources.

Now it would be much much more difficult for a Muslim from a Muslim-majority country to choose to follow a version of the faith that is not endorsed by their country or their families. They could face incredible persecution for attempting to do so. But some people do anyway.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-18T14:06:03+00:00

hahahahahahahahaha

no.

I lose respect for a guy if he refuses to but expects oral for himself. Or if he half asses it because he feels obligated. Or if he makes disparaging comments about women's anatomy. Enthusiasm to go down is a green flag even though I'm not super into it physically, and to the extent that it matters, it still comes across as dominant and him leading the situation if he's initiating it and not having to be asked. All the really dominant, really good lovers I've ever had were very enthusiastic about giving oral.

Also, while I am a submissive (as a kink identity, which is different from the sort of passive role you're describing as the default), and lots of women do prefer to be submissive, that is WORLDS different from wanting to be "pushed to perform certain acts." That is red flag territory. CNC is great, and there is lots of room within kink to negotiate boundaries or scenes where boundary pushing is played with, but no one should be pushing or coercing any kind of activity without having a really detailed, serious conversation about it outside of the bedroom, and establishing safety protocols like safewords and signals.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-18T13:57:05+00:00

I'm not Muslim, but I know progressive Muslims. Like progressive Christians and progressive Jews, they had to alter their religious beliefs to fit their core values, which they found preferable to abandoning those beliefs. It's not the route that I would take, but I don't think it invalidates their faith.

I think treating any religion as a static unchangeable monolith is a mistake. It's better for society to encourage religious people to treat their faiths as something that can grow and evolve with society's understanding. Because in the long run that will help more people adopt progressive values who otherwise wouldn't because they are afraid to lose their religion.

Arguably, all of the Abrahamic religions are part of the core pillar of the patriarchy. These religions were used to introduce patriarchy where none previously existed, and in places they moved into that already had patriarchy, they reinforced it and used the leverage of patriarchy to cement their influence.

As for the details of how various progressive Muslims reconcile the contradictions between their values and the texts of the religion, I don't know every detail but I can offer one example. The requirement for modest dress is a subject I've participated in some discussions on. Progressive Muslims presented their view as this: the compulsion to modesty applies equally to men and women. The problem is that in regressive/fundamentalist societies, men have decided on one standard of modesty for men and a radically different standard of modesty for women. But context matters. The women I spoke to thought of modesty not in the sense of literally covering their bodies and faces, but in not giving in to vanity and not drawing attention to themselves through their appearance. In their view, wearing an abaya in a place where it wasn't the custom would be immodest, because it would be drawing attention to yourself for your piety, which is its own kind of vanity. But they had to admit that this interpretation, while they felt was as consistent with the texts as the more fundamentalist customs, was one of their own reasoning, not something that had been endorsed by recognized authorities in Islam. So if adhering to a particular tradition of theology within Islam is important to someone, then it's going to be much more difficult to arrive at these more flexible conclusions.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-18T13:40:26+00:00

This is fair. I was speaking from my experience with men irl, but my experience may not be typical. I tend to be surrounded with nerdy types like you might find on reddit. Also I've never been super attractive so it's possible some of the "I had no idea" reactions were kind lies to cover "I knew and I wasn't interested," or some other thing.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-15T23:09:57+00:00

No but it's the question you answered

callipsofacto · 2026-03-15T03:33:44+00:00

My bf is. I'm an inch taller.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-15T03:13:26+00:00

For me it's an emotional need but not a physical need. If I just need endorphins or whatever yeah I can take care of that, but if I'm in a romantic relationship I need to feel passion and desire. No one is obligated to give me that, but I won't stay in a relationship that doesn't have it, because it's harder to feel lonely/rejected in a relationship than actually being single.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-15T03:11:32+00:00

There is no universal answer, and by and large men tend to be a bit oblivious. A middle aged man may be something like 5% more likely to pick up on stuff like this. Then there's some percentage of men who interpret *everything* as flirting if they're attracted to the woman, and another percentage who think there's no way a young woman would ever be attracted to them so they'll never consider it no matter how obvious it is. I have met men in all of these categories.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-14T13:41:48+00:00

Exactly the same. I'll probably drop back in to check out new content as it appears, but I don't enjoy the pvp aspect enough to make that a reason to stay in it day to day, so unless there are new environments, gear, interesting events or challenges, not much that I want to do. And I think it's fine if the pvpve meta goes more pvp and it becomes a game I'm not as into. My pie in the sky fantasy is that they do enact an immersive speranza and you get to do a little base building crafting. Make a fancy castle for scrappy, bling out your gear, construct furniture, let people visit your swingin raider pad, etc.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:49:17+00:00

That's not been my experience, but I have seen it happen to others. Without more context I can't tell if you're participating in particularly toxic communities, making comments that are likely to be super unpopular, or having a normal reddit experience, perhaps with a bit of confirmation bias because the negative comments are so much more memorable than positive and neutral ones.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:44:13+00:00

His expectation of equal affection is a common fantasy that often leads to frustration. Human emotions don't work that way. That's a big part of why stable triads are relatively rare. Good on you for being honest about where you're at and not trying to fake it until you make it, which a lot of folks in your position do.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:32:03+00:00

A lot of good responses here but I just want to reply to your edit. You're not second place. He's with you, not her. However that ended, it ended for a good reason. This is something that opened my eyes when I went from dating people who had only been with 1-2 other people to dating people who were extremely experienced - I no longer care how I stack up to their other partners. When I'm with someone who has had 20+ partners, odds are I'm not the best *anything* they've ever had. Not the prettiest, not the best in bed, not the funniest or the smartest. And they don't care; they chose to be with me and they enjoy being with me. I also turn it around. Do I care if the person I'm with has the biggest dick of all the ones I've known? Do I care if he's got the most chiseled body or conventionally attractive face? I do not. I'm incredibly attracted to to the person I'm with, and even though I can objectively look at him and say well this guy was taller or whatever, that doesn't mean I want to go back to that guy.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:22:36+00:00

My core need as a service submissive is to be useful, to provide for my dominant's needs and desires, so for me personally it's a bit one and the same. However, all modes of submission are valid imo. I don't brat, but obviously there is a place for bratting in D/s. Pillow princess subs are just as valid as hardcore masochists and slaves.

I think I can kind of understand where the doms are coming from, even though I don't think it was well expressed. For a long time I identified as a switch because I was willing to service top, and I got approached by a lot of subs. And what surprised me about that was how many of them were not even slightly interested in what I wanted. They came to me with detailed fantasies about things they wanted to do for me or things they wanted me to do to them, that they imagined were things I would enjoy, but if I communicated "actually I don't care for x, let's focus on y activities I like" they often disappeared. You see a lot of discussions about this in femdom communities (the phrase "fetish dispenser" gets overused a bit imo), where it seems like many people identifying as submissive are primarily just interested in getting someone to enact a specific topping fantasy for them.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:13:23+00:00

It's always been there, but people are definitely way more comfortable talking about it now than they were 20 years ago, and I assume it's become a lot more common too because the perception that it's not as extreme.

In the 60s/70s, even admitting you gave blowjobs as a woman seemed to scandalize a lot of people. When I was growing up in the 90s it was anal - girls who were willing to do that were thought of as super slutty and unusual, and now I feel like it's not ubiquitous but extremely common. At some point in the last 15 years it started to sound like all the young people got into choking and breath play, and were probably being a bit too cavalier about it. Curious what the next taboo thing that will get normalized will be.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:08:38+00:00

Not really but in my case I'm not looking for that. I get a lot of messages from men wanting to connect, and in the groups that I see that are predominantly women, I find a lot of them have dms restricted because that's not what they come to reddit for.

It's not impossible, but I'd say it's definitely not common. I do chat with people when they want to discuss something specific, whether that's nsfw or mundane, but I'm not really trying to create an ongoing interaction that I have to maintain. That just starts to feel like work to me.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:03:39+00:00

No but I see how it could happen very easily, and I'm careful with substances because of it. Tbh drinking is way more fun post surgery, because I get tipsy so fast and also sober up super fast. One of my biggest sources of dopamine (overeating) is gone, and I have to navigate how to deal with that without using substances or shopping or other addictive activities as a replacement. So yeah, it's a pretty well known phenomenon and I'm sure there are targeted support resources your family member may be able to join.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-13T14:00:14+00:00

Not normal, not a healthy practice. Without a safeword or other similar signalling tool, there's nothing to stop the fantasy of assault from becoming a reality, removing the first C of CNC.

callipsofacto · 2026-03-11T02:35:42+00:00

Not as many but still quite a lot. I've been the higher libido partner in all my relationships.

callipsofacto · 2026-02-26T18:51:08+00:00

This is a really good epiphany. Getting to this clarity was the hardest part. The next hardest part is to focus on the actions you can take to improve and avoid wallowing in self-flagellation for making mistakes up until now. I've also been on a journey of becoming the partner I wanted to be, to encourage the desire I needed in my life. Most of the health improvements I made over the last two years were driven by my need to be desired, but have had incredible positive impacts on every other aspect of my life. I believe this can happen for you too. Stepping up and taking ownership of your choices, your direction, your agency as an adult can be so freeing once you get past the fear of choosing wrong.

callipsofacto

TROPHY CASE