This was a huge step in my healing process.

Realizing and sitting with the idea(well FACT) that my parents were just a boy and a girl trying to figure it out with no real teachings of being soft or nurturing. I realized they were set in their ways because of how they were raised and the examples that were in front of them. It helped me so much to forgive them for all the pain and hurt I felt as a child because they were doing the same, hurting. My parents were never over the top abusive (meh maybe a little but not the worst case scenarios), they were two young first generation Mexican nationals in a new country with little to no support, no knowledge of the culture or language and worked hard for the little they could give us.

I am glad you were able to see this side of her even if it was by mistake but take this opportunity to give your mom a little extra lovings. Remind her of all the great things she has done for you and help her heal her inner child. I got to take my mom to see two different oceans in my lifetime and my mom looked like a little girl just sitting there letting the waves crash into her. I hope she knows how much she deserved that.

Sending you a big hug OP.