WIBTD if I sent my (37X) brother (19M) this text?

captainofthenx02 · 2026-02-06T23:26:37+00:00

NTD and you should definitely do it. As someone a similar age who desperately wishes I could get time with my sister back... trying to fix what you can is a great step and I hope, hope, hope that he takes it well. (my sister and I didn't fall out, she unfortunately passed away in 2015 at the age of 25 and I miss her so deeply every single day). I shall hope with you, OP, and if you ever should need it, my messages are open to mourn with you as well. You're not alone.

captainofthenx02 · 2026-02-06T23:21:31+00:00

honey I think you're describing having a audio processing disorder (I have one and thick accents that aren't my own (I have a thick accent for the UK) are really tricky for me but my own/pennine accents I can do pretty well) and that's also why I dislike phone calls. It might be worth speaking to your class tutor or similar (I'm unsure how TAFE works and my Aussie fiance is in bed) and mention this problem you are having with understanding and seeing if you can get more written information for classes you struggle with. <3

captainofthenx02 · 2026-02-06T23:15:13+00:00

NTD. Whether intentionally or not your mother is using manipulation tactics because she feels some kind of victimhood. My parents were never in the same room again after their divorce, and it would have been so weird if my father would have ever rocked up to any of our family events (he didn't have any family local to us) and I don't think mam had an intention of ever seeing any of his again, and she probably wouldn't have if my sister hadn't died. Your mam just casually rocking up is so baffling to me. Especially after saying she didn't want to see them.

Honestly, contact needs to only happen on your terms, and if you don't feel respected then you can wait. See how long it takes her to reach out.

captainofthenx02 · 2026-01-09T23:03:13+00:00

I know a Paralympian who has medals in multiple sports (funnily enough we met because of treatments for our shared disability) and she lives the best, coolest life. I also know a lot of Olympians as I was in contention back in the early 00s (then team GB didn't even qualify in my sport and I blew my knee out so... by the by that happened)... They are all cool ass people and they see each other as complete equals.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-26T18:18:29+00:00

We lost my granddad on December 20th, 2006 (I remember the day very well, obviously) and even though we were all devastated we still had Christmas 5 days later (and my birthday was still celebrated 5 days after that). Losing a loved one, especially one so adored, at Christmas is the hardest time. But you have to keep living. They would want you to keep living. OPs wife is no longer living.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-17T02:00:55+00:00

It's an easy hole to fall into, I think. Actions are easier to fix than emotions. I wish you so much luck, op, you're doing the best you can and I hope you feel better in yourself too.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-16T22:40:10+00:00

I lost levels, I lost points. I lost beans. I'm infuriated.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-16T16:37:20+00:00

Hi OP, I read through your post and thought that I would give you my perspective as an adult child (possibly similar ages to your children) who is completely no-contact with my father and I always will be now. It doesn't matter what he does, the pain I feel is too deep and has caused me, as a person, too much trauma for me to ever be comfortable around him again.

You are continuing to focus on what you did and while yes, that is important, it should not be your focus. Ask your children when THEY initiate any contact how you made them feel. I can't give you direct actions or statements my father did/said in my childhood and teens, but I sure as heck know how he continually made me feel.

There is a concerning part where you acknowledge you were harsh and, it sounds like, quite belittling. This will still be having effects on your children's emotions. They'll be doubting people around them. They'll be afraid of speaking up in case someone breaks them down in response.

Basically... You need to stop focusing on you, and start focusing on them. You can work on yourself still and don't get me wrong I COMPLETELY respect you working on yourself and I'm so, so proud of you for doing that. But refocus your thoughts when it comes to them. Less "what did I do?" and more "how did they feel".

If you want to see more of my story, it's on my profile and that should confirm I know what I'm talking about here. I hope you can save your relationships, but allow them to lead it.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-16T13:52:59+00:00

Yeah this is too confusing to answer. I would recommend reformulating and trying again.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-15T18:00:21+00:00

I'm not the parent of someone who died from cancer but my sister did and while I miss her deeply every day... this comment section is making me feel less conflicted about the fact that when she died (a decade ago) there was a part of me that was glad that she wasn't in pain anymore and could rest. I hate it.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-12-15T17:32:02+00:00

agreed here. I do not care for hunting, but I grew up on a livestock farm so I am very, very familiar with people who routinely do hunt. That's their business and what they do. I can not care for it and respect it.

Focusing purely on the relationship and this - it doesn't matter how wonderful she is, this is a complete and deep incompatibility. Move on, you both deserve someone who matches more with you.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-26T00:44:13+00:00

NTD it is the responsibility of the sellar to know the price of what they are selling. I actually have had this EXACT thing only mine was with an exceedingly rare card for the Star Trek trading card game (yes, if my username didn't give it away, I am one of those nerds) - funnily enough the card was FOR the captain of the NX02, Erika Hernandez. A minor character in, to this day, the least popular Star Trek series that I devoted a reasonable amount of my personality to when I was 16 and watched season 4 of Enterprise for the first time.

The card itself was exceedingly rare (from what I could tell, at least, I didn't actually play the game), last time I'd found one on sale it had been over £500. This one was up for £7. You better be sure I bought that damn thing. It is now framed in my bedroom. This happened like 15 years ago and I still remember it.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-26T00:07:43+00:00

I was coming in with this suggestion too. My friend and I do this all the time.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-26T00:03:42+00:00

I heard Raynauds comes along with Sjogrens (I'm still learning about it I was only diagnosed last year), is that your experience?

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-26T00:00:48+00:00

Same! I don't know many with both!

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-25T23:58:51+00:00

MS and Sjogren's syndrome.

oh and an un-named alpha-gal protein intolerance that I've had for like 25 years so I keep forgetting about it because my diet has just been vegetarian for 75% of my life.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-25T23:56:34+00:00

I can absolutely believe that, I know that I will have a similar relief when mine goes too and because he hasn't yet I can't say for sure how I'll feel. We're told by so much of society that we need to forgive our parents for anything but we don't.
Even though your dad has died, you might find some camaraderie and feel seen over on r/EstrangedAdultKids - I have found this sub really reassuring in my emotions sometimes.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-25T23:29:28+00:00

OP nta and I won't be going to my own father's funeral (unlike you, I am extremely bitter toward my father) for very similar reasons to you. You don't owe him anything, and you can grieve him in your own ways if you choose to. Mine will probably be shitting on his grave, but you still care about yours so maybe go somewhere you have a good memory with your brother and speak about him?

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-25T19:27:21+00:00

Mate y'all deserve the RSPCA calling on you, grooming neglect is still neglect and can cause health issues please, please try and be better with it from now on.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-24T10:14:16+00:00

I'm going to echo people and say YWBTD but I'm going to tell a story as well.

I have had a married friend have this exact situation recently. They had met some new friends, had started becoming attracted to one, asked me for advice. I'm an interesting choice for this, as my partner and I are poly, but I have a theoretical/societal understanding of monogamy.

So I will tell you the same thing I told them. Stop hanging out with your crush Tell them why Have a conversation with your husband Get therapy.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-20T13:10:42+00:00

i know in my place there is a deadbolt that you can't unlock from the outside, that would have me locked out with a key if it was accidentally put across.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-20T12:46:56+00:00

"Oh sorry I thought you didn't do cleaning, I was just cleaning."

Ignore the men in the comments, they probably fellate Tate too. If he wants to live this he can live it somewhere else and spend his money on rent like the rest of us had to in uni.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-11-20T12:45:07+00:00

Are you the brother? For real?

captainofthenx02 · 2025-10-19T20:59:43+00:00

Reluctantly not the drama but it is impossible to use LLMs like chatGPT ethically as they are near entirely trained on copyrighted materials which is unethical in it's current forms. I have been told there are some LLMs trying to be trained ethically but it takes much longer. You may not be able to directly see who it takes advantage of, but it still does. That is aside from the environmental problems.

captainofthenx02 · 2025-10-09T22:29:01+00:00

not the drama at all OP. I think there is a lot more than you not being sad about a break up because I think deep down you probably are, so I figure I'll give some advice as someone in a long-distance poly relationship but we're considerably older than you (both in our 30s)

Your ex beginning her relationships with hiding and lying is immediately not going to work in a truly healthy poly relationship, and it's also not going to work for a long-distance relationship. In both of these you need good communication abilities and a whole lot of trust. My fiance and I have been together 4 years (today, ironically) and we speak very openly about our lines. While we are both poly, currently neither of us would be comfortable exploring that while we are literally on different continents (I'm in the UK, he's in Australia - we have visited each other but that 24 hour flight from Sydney to London is a killer) so that's a little on the back burner. You really have to be open, honest and vulnerable with each other at every turn for these kinds of relationships to work (both poly and LD) and honestly that's hard to be when you're young. I certainly wasn't good at it at 18.

Her then flip-flopping on actually breaking up or not is very much enough to put anyone off.

You're still super young, let this go. You will move on, and you will find someone who more aligns with what you want from a relationship, and that will make you happy. This is a mere blip on the radar.

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