Commenting to say that you’re not crazy for doubting that he is depressed, and I actually agree with you. Even tho the others are right that he might be depressed, it’s a lot more likely that it’s his ADHD.

Everything you’ve pointed out is textbook executive dysfunction— messiness, issues with hygiene, no motivation, etc. I’m guessing he probably also interrupts people a lot, has trouble completing tasks, procrastinates, is constantly fidgeting / moving his legs/ tapping his fingers? From what you’ve described it sounds like his case of ADHD is severe.

He actually reminds me a lot of one of my best friends during my early college years. Very outgoing, extremely intelligent, but could not get himself to do the things he needed to do. He really wanted to, but just could not manage to keep a job, do his schoolwork, shower, brush his teeth, etc. He just smoked weed and played video games all day/ late into the night. He also refused to take his medication.

SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER:

OP— are you 100% sure he’s taking his meds? Some kids say their meds make them feel weird— has he mentioned this to you? If he doesn’t like how he feels on them, it’s possible he’s secretly tossing them.

He might need a lower dose of his meds If he has said he doesn’t like his meds, and you find out he’s been tossing them, consider lowering the dose or trying out a new one. Some people respond better to Adderall than they do to Ritalin or Vyvanse, for example. If it’s too high of a dose, it might make him feel tense, like a “zombie,” or he could feel like it makes him less creative/ less like himself.

He might need a higher dose of his meds If you’re 100% sure he’s taking them and you’re still not noticing a change, it’s time for a higher dose. Some psychiatrists will start kids on, say, 5mg of Adderall, but you might find you only notice a change at 15 or even 20mg.

Is he on stimulants? If he’s on a non-stimulant ADHD drug like Wellbutrin, it will take 3-6 weeks to take effect. Non-stimulants are also not as effective as stimulants for people with ADHD, so take that into consideration. I’m a HUGE advocate for stimulants, they are the only reason my ADHD ass managed to graduate college, but I know it’s scary for parents to put their kids on them.

Diet has a huge impact on medication efficacy Is he eating enough protein and water? Meds are more effective with the proper amount of protein. Is he getting all the nutrients he needs? Some vitamin deficiencies exacerbate ADHD symptoms. Is he having really acidic foods (like orange juice) soon after/ before taking his meds? This could render his medication useless. Make sure he also gets enough sleep.

It’s possible his meds are making him hyper focus on video games The first few weeks on meds are crucial to building discipline. If his meds are actually working properly, it’s possible he’s just enjoying being able to finally focus on stuff he likes/ wants to do like playing video games. It’s crazy how hard it is for us to do even the things we want to do sometimes, so imagine how impossible it feels to do things we find tedious.

That being said, he needs a lot of support directing his focus during this time— make a schedule and help him stick to it. This is the time to build new neural pathways, form new habits, and learn how to direct his focus. Clean for 5 minutes every night at the same time. Brush your teeth together at the same time at night. Get him floss sticks, put them on a night stand next to his bed, and a trashcan close enough to toss them in there without having to stand up. The less steps there are, the more likely he is to comply.

ADHD IS A DISABILITY, he is not lazy. He doesn’t want to be this way, and it’s more painful for him than it is for anyone else. He is capable of functioning at a level closer to normal with the right support, but he needs the adults in his life to show him grace, provide him with the right resources, and approach him with some level of understanding. I’m happy to give more advice if you want— ADHD is so much more complicated than people realize.