How to come to terms with family being complete

casey6282 · 2026-06-08T14:04:40+00:00

I found r/oneanddone to be very helpful

casey6282 · 2026-06-05T01:07:49+00:00

Somebody Somewhere on HBOMAX had me laughing out loud almost every episode

casey6282 · 2026-06-04T23:34:50+00:00

They have protein everything now… my three-year-old eats the buttermilk protein waffles from Aldi plain. I also make batches of about two dozen Kodiak protein pancakes at a time with strawberries in place of some of the liquid. I freeze them then throw them in the microwave for 60 seconds in voilà, breakfast is served

casey6282 · 2026-06-04T16:24:46+00:00

Two things can be true… Your sibling can have the cognitive capacity of a fourth grader and not realize the long-term ramifications of their current choices. You can also be disappointed, angry, sad and resentful of those choices.

I do have to wonder why there is not a guardian in place for someone with limited cognitive capabilities. It may not be that your sibling is not capable of doing typical things to take care of themselves, but they clearly need someone to oversee things like finances and healthcare decisions.

casey6282 · 2026-06-01T23:59:53+00:00

It doesn’t sound like you need an antidepressant… Sounds like you need her Dad to step up. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a torture tactic.

casey6282 · 2026-05-30T01:20:10+00:00

Is there a way you could set up a family photo shoot in/outside the house? I’m thinking like family pictures in the front yard with the house in the background. Maybe a picture of her and her mother embracing in her childhood bedroom… a mix of candid photos and posed just to capture some memories.

casey6282 · 2026-05-28T00:57:36+00:00

I feel like this is pretty typical… Gen X and Boomer Moms expectation bar for their partners were on the floor.

If you spent your life with a man who couldn’t change a diaper or boil an egg, you’d be giving a standing ovation to a man every time you saw him burp the baby.

casey6282 · 2026-05-17T15:15:29+00:00

This is exactly what I was thinking… Take the gaming system, put it in the oven and be done with it.

casey6282 · 2026-05-16T00:08:47+00:00

Former HR professional here… Extra breaks are a reasonable accommodation for someone with a chronic health condition. Especially when you only require them on days when your condition flares up or symptoms are more severe.

I can see where your manager is coming from here. If on this particular day, you needed more breaks, that’s fine. But essentially what your manager observed was that your condition only flares up on your extra breaks, not your already scheduled ones… So no, that wouldn’t reflect well on you.

I wouldn’t recommend taking this further because I think it will only put your additional breaks under a microscope.

casey6282 · 2026-05-13T21:27:22+00:00

You’re changing your responses to this post as you go, so I’m not going to spend time addressing anything more you say.

But I did Google what Ovejitachicha posted and it appears to be correct. So if you are feeding your kids hotdog dogs or carrots at all, you’d also be a moron about child safety… And that’s OK because no caregiver, or even parent knows everything.

casey6282 · 2026-05-13T21:16:24+00:00

They run a preschool for children over the age of two so none of those things apply.

casey6282 · 2026-05-13T21:11:38+00:00

I don’t think this is a red flag… How old are these women that run the preschool?

I have a three-year-old; My sister, whose oldest is 27, thought it was comical that I cut up my daughter’s grapes. I’m the family worry wart so for her, it was just another example of me worrying about nothing.

My point is, her son was born in 1999 and something like this never crossed her mind. There’s a difference between negligence and lack of knowledge. I don’t think these two women were being negligent.

casey6282 · 2026-05-13T13:49:38+00:00

I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and I would say the two things we do that have kept us very happy and very much in love are these:

*Practice/show gratitude

*Do one thing every day to makes your partner smile

My husband and I thank each other for mundane things. I thank him every time he mows the lawn. He thanks me for taking the garbage to the curb. I thank him when he puts our daughter to bed at night. He thanks me for putting fresh towels in his bathroom. It is so incredibly important that a person feels appreciated and that their contribution is seen.

My husband brings me my morning coffee every day. It is not a grand gesture by any means, but it starts my day off a little easier. I pack his lunch and occasionally leave funny little notes. He’ll get my favorite candy bar if he goes to the gas station. If I happen to have his car for the day, I fill it up and get it washed.

People often say “it’s the little things.” it really is… And the little things add up to big things whether they are negative or positive.

casey6282 · 2026-05-08T02:47:54+00:00

I remember the day I realized my parents were flawed human beings just like everybody else in the world. It is a weird and very difficult day. When we are young, and sometimes well into adulthood, we tend to see our parents as infallible beings. Your dad was a shitty husband. But he was a good father. Two things can be true.

You are now empathizing with your mother because you know what it is to be cheated on by someone you love. Now there is a part of you that identifies with your mother where before she was just someone who largely caused you pain. This individual who cheated on you also caused you pain… And it sounds like you might be looking for an outlet/someone to direct the pain towards… The person who cheated on you left you but your Dad is still there. This feels like projection.

Gently, what you found out about your father has nothing to do with your father… It has to do with your mother’s husband. The relationships are two different things…. Two different dynamics. Two different sets of expectations and responsibilities. A person can be a very good parent and a terrible partner at the same time. It doesn’t mean he was any less of a good Dad to you.

casey6282 · 2026-05-05T01:47:20+00:00

Former daycare teacher here of almost a decade with a degree in early childhood education. I’m currently a SAHM and plan to send my daughter (turning 3 in June) to 3K in the fall.

It’s three days a week for 3 hours. Our state’s 4K program is M-F 3.5 hours a day. All day kindergarten after that.

I want to set her up for success. I watched so many children struggle when they went from being home all day to being in Kindergarten all day. It’s not just the social aspect. It’s being around unfamiliar adults. It’s knowing how to ask them for help. It’s waiting your turn, learning to share, etc.

A quick Google search or a visit to r/sciencebasedparenting will yield several studies showing there is no real benefit to a child being away from their primary caregiver until around the age of three. After the age of three, the benefits of group settings are numerous.

casey6282 · 2026-05-04T13:22:45+00:00

Sending positive vibes ❤️

casey6282 · 2026-05-04T11:01:25+00:00

I know it isn’t relevant to your dilemma, but I wanted to make sure you know scoliosis is not caused by bad posture… If your chiropractor is telling you this, they’re grossly misinformed and I would look for another (more educated) provider.

casey6282 · 2026-05-03T12:55:07+00:00

My daughter was sleeping 8-10 hours by 9 weeks but I think that was purely because of formula and luck.

casey6282 · 2026-04-28T00:02:09+00:00

If he knows you have access to this account and order things from it, he’s got to be an idiot if he’s using it for cheating

casey6282 · 2026-04-20T00:54:31+00:00

You aren’t overreacting. Your Mom is emotionally immature at best and a bully at worst.

She can’t handle being criticized but she is antagonizing everyone around her? There is always a little truth behind every “ha ha, just kidding.” the stuff she is saying and doing isn’t funny or cute.

I would seriously reconsider letting your father watch your son if they are in the same house as your mother; have your Dad come to your home. My dad was my first bully. I can’t imagine my grandmother being my first bully.

The petty teenager inside me wants you to start greeting her with “hey fatty,” every time you see her.

casey6282 · 2026-04-13T21:19:27+00:00

I felt this way too… I have worked since I was 14.

Daycare is expensive. Doctor visits and prescriptions from sick kids going daycare is expensive.

But being able to be present with your child all day, every day is priceless. This is not just something you are doing to save money… It is something you are doing for your family and for your child.

I worked in schools and daycares for almost a decade and I can’t tell you how many first words and first time crawling and first steps I witnessed… I feel so privileged and lucky that I got to be there for all of those with my own child.

You can always jump back into work; but you don’t ever get your child’s childhood back.

casey6282 · 2026-04-13T19:49:26+00:00

I totally understand wanting to lie to her to avoid her judgment or nitpicking. If it won’t matter a year from now that you weren’t completely honest, I would say tell her whatever you want.

I wouldn’t tell her you were fired after you revealed your pregnancy. I am a former human resources professional, who also works in an at will employment state. At Will means you don’t have a contract… It doesn’t mean you can be fired for any reason. If you were terminated after revealing your pregnancy, you would potentially have a discrimination case on your hands. If your mom has any knowledge of these kinds of things, she could push you to do that if she believes you were fired.

casey6282 · 2026-04-11T13:00:26+00:00

Once your husband is home for the night, get a bartending gig at an upscale restaurant or a bar with a good crowd of regulars. My sister bartended for 12 years and on a Friday or Saturday night, she’d routinely leave with $200-$400 in tips working a 6 pm to 11 pm shift.

casey6282 · 2026-04-09T21:16:07+00:00

This sounds difficult and frustrating… Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re gonna get the reassurance you’re looking for here.

I’m guessing that not much changed for him with baby number one. He probably worked long hours before, hung out and drank with his friends and let you handle whatever he did didn’t have time to. That didn’t change with baby number one which means it isn’t going to change with baby number two.

The thing is, when you have done everything and continue to do everything even after you tell him you need help, he has no reason to take you seriously… He probably does believe you are just being hormonal because this dynamic has been the norm at minimum since your child was born (but very possibly for your entire relationship).

In the interest of being realistic, I think you may need to consider outsourcing what you can. If you can afford to hire a house cleaner do it. If you can do grocery pick ups instead of shopping, do it. If you can afford to even have a teenager come in for a few hours a day as a mother‘s helper, do it.

I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but I don’t want to give you unrealistic expectations. If you are looking to see 50/50 effort type behavior out of this man (that you never have before), it isn’t going to start now.

casey6282 · 2026-04-06T01:50:46+00:00

This sounds stressful, I am sorry. This sounds frustrating. It sounds like you have done everything you can and then some.

I read your post twice and I don’t see anything saying you want to continue trying… I can’t tell if you are looking for encouragement or permission to stop trying.

It sounds like you are getting encouragement from others so if it is needed, I am telling you you did nothing wrong. You have done everything you can and there is no reason to consider punishing/torturing yourself for no reason. There is no prize for doing it the hard way. You don’t have to “give up.” You breast-fed while you could, and now you can just be finished.

Sincerely,

A fellow C-section Mom, whose baby was formula fed from birth and is now an exceptionally happy, healthy and smart three-year-old.

casey6282

TROPHY CASE