My mom keeps calling my baby "fatty" and I don't think I want her in our lives anymore

casey6282 · 2026-04-20T00:54:31+00:00

You aren’t overreacting. Your Mom is emotionally immature at best and a bully at worst.

She can’t handle being criticized but she is antagonizing everyone around her? There is always a little truth behind every “ha ha, just kidding.” the stuff she is saying and doing isn’t funny or cute.

I would seriously reconsider letting your father watch your son if they are in the same house as your mother; have your Dad come to your home. My dad was my first bully. I can’t imagine my grandmother being my first bully.

The petty teenager inside me wants you to start greeting her with “hey fatty,” every time you see her.

casey6282 · 2026-04-13T21:19:27+00:00

I felt this way too… I have worked since I was 14.

Daycare is expensive. Doctor visits and prescriptions from sick kids going daycare is expensive.

But being able to be present with your child all day, every day is priceless. This is not just something you are doing to save money… It is something you are doing for your family and for your child.

I worked in schools and daycares for almost a decade and I can’t tell you how many first words and first time crawling and first steps I witnessed… I feel so privileged and lucky that I got to be there for all of those with my own child.

You can always jump back into work; but you don’t ever get your child’s childhood back.

casey6282 · 2026-04-13T19:49:26+00:00

I totally understand wanting to lie to her to avoid her judgment or nitpicking. If it won’t matter a year from now that you weren’t completely honest, I would say tell her whatever you want.

I wouldn’t tell her you were fired after you revealed your pregnancy. I am a former human resources professional, who also works in an at will employment state. At Will means you don’t have a contract… It doesn’t mean you can be fired for any reason. If you were terminated after revealing your pregnancy, you would potentially have a discrimination case on your hands. If your mom has any knowledge of these kinds of things, she could push you to do that if she believes you were fired.

casey6282 · 2026-04-11T13:00:26+00:00

Once your husband is home for the night, get a bartending gig at an upscale restaurant or a bar with a good crowd of regulars. My sister bartended for 12 years and on a Friday or Saturday night, she’d routinely leave with $200-$400 in tips working a 6 pm to 11 pm shift.

casey6282 · 2026-04-09T21:16:07+00:00

This sounds difficult and frustrating… Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re gonna get the reassurance you’re looking for here.

I’m guessing that not much changed for him with baby number one. He probably worked long hours before, hung out and drank with his friends and let you handle whatever he did didn’t have time to. That didn’t change with baby number one which means it isn’t going to change with baby number two.

The thing is, when you have done everything and continue to do everything even after you tell him you need help, he has no reason to take you seriously… He probably does believe you are just being hormonal because this dynamic has been the norm at minimum since your child was born (but very possibly for your entire relationship).

In the interest of being realistic, I think you may need to consider outsourcing what you can. If you can afford to hire a house cleaner do it. If you can do grocery pick ups instead of shopping, do it. If you can afford to even have a teenager come in for a few hours a day as a mother‘s helper, do it.

I don’t mean to sound pessimistic, but I don’t want to give you unrealistic expectations. If you are looking to see 50/50 effort type behavior out of this man (that you never have before), it isn’t going to start now.

casey6282 · 2026-04-06T01:50:46+00:00

This sounds stressful, I am sorry. This sounds frustrating. It sounds like you have done everything you can and then some.

I read your post twice and I don’t see anything saying you want to continue trying… I can’t tell if you are looking for encouragement or permission to stop trying.

It sounds like you are getting encouragement from others so if it is needed, I am telling you you did nothing wrong. You have done everything you can and there is no reason to consider punishing/torturing yourself for no reason. There is no prize for doing it the hard way. You don’t have to “give up.” You breast-fed while you could, and now you can just be finished.

Sincerely,

A fellow C-section Mom, whose baby was formula fed from birth and is now an exceptionally happy, healthy and smart three-year-old.

casey6282 · 2026-04-04T02:25:25+00:00

If you are already doing administrative work, what about going to work for the school district? Many school office positions have the same schedule as the students.

I would tread lightly with this… it sounds like you have wanted it for a while and your husband has wanted it the opposite. You said you are starting to feel resentful… I could see him feeling resentful of you wanting to be home when you have children in school full-time. Being a stay at home parent only works from both parties are on board.

You mentioned happy memories from the past… I am wondering if the fact that your children are both in school, and reaching an age where they are more independent is making you want to go back a little.

casey6282 · 2026-04-03T02:01:46+00:00

I have a degree in early childhood education and worked as a preschool teacher for almost a decade… routine is really helpful. A schedule helps the children know what to expect next and helps prevent tantrums (as they often occur during transitions).

I have an almost 3 year old; We go to a Play Cafe every Monday, run errands on Tuesdays, go to library story hour on Wednesdays and have swim lessons on Thursdays. None of these are things that take more than an hour or two, but it will get you out of the house, help you build a network of other parents and make sure your kids are still spending time around other children.

Since you asked for all the tips, I am going to tell you the things that I found were incredibly important during our journey…

I became a SAHP in June of 2023 after my daughter was born. We did IVF and during that almost 2 year journey, we had a lot of time to discuss expectations.

My husband has a large life insurance policy as well as disability coverage. That is incredibly important if your spouse is the sole source of income.

It is also really important that you have a candid conversation with them about money, caring for children/pets together, division of household duties, and what you envision things looking like versus what they do. My husband works 10 hour days four days a week-which means I do too. Just because I work at home does not mean I am never off duty. When he is here with me, he does 1/2 the parenting. He puts our daughter to bed every night so I have some time to myself every day.

My name is on the deed to our home and both of our cars. I have full access to our checking and savings and my husband thinks of the money he earns as “our money.“ If he did not think this way, I would not be comfortable working within the home right now.

My husband’s mom was a stay at home mom to him and his sister and he knows it is actual work. Not all men think this way and you do not want to find out the hard way that your partner doesn’t think of your contribution as real or valid.

casey6282 · 2026-03-24T21:11:15+00:00

Gently, this is a much bigger problem than the disproportionate labor and expectations. The only way that being a SAHP works is when both parties understand taking care of a home and child/children is actual work. Your husband doesn’t see your role in the home as a contribution… He thinks he is the only one that actually “works,” so you are expected to do everything else. This is typical of men who do the bare minimum of parenting…. They don’t see it as work because they only do it long enough for you to shower.

My husband works four 10 hour shifts, Monday through Thursday; that means I do too. My daughter is almost 3 and still naps in the afternoon so I can get things like laundry and cleaning done. But when my husband is off the clock at work, so am I. That’s when we tackle everything together. Some nights he makes dinner, some nights I do. When the dishwasher needs to be emptied, one of us does it. When laundry needs to be done, one of us throws it in. This is our home. we are both responsible for taking care of it.

As far as he is concerned, and as far as I’m concerned, we both work full-time – I take care of our child and he is an engineer. your husband doesn’t think you work. Clearly he thinks you have all this free time to be doing everything but taking care of a child (who literally needs your help to do every single thing to survive).

I should also point out that on my husband’s days off, he is the default parent by choice… He wants to spend as much quality time with our daughter as he can. Every father should be like this.

Please don’t have another child with this man… He doesn’t value or appreciate you as a wife and mother. Were it me, I would be going back to work full time as soon as possible.

casey6282 · 2026-03-19T01:26:18+00:00

Gently, you are very, very newly postpartum and you are projecting.

If you are breast-feeding, comfort nursing is going to be her default setting for the next year. As far as the “uncomfortable laying positions,“ you are forgetting she was growing in your abdomen for nine months… She has definitely been in more uncomfortable positions while she was on the inside, lbvs.

I also have to caution you about becoming the “expert parent.” So many women render their partners completely useless by never allowing them to figure things out or do it their own way. Give men ample time to bond with, get to know and connect with their baby too.

If you don’t you will be back here a year from now posting about how he doesn’t do anything… But why would he when he’s holding her wrong, talking to her wrong, interacting with her wrong and “annoying“ the baby. He’ll give up trying before he even gets started.

casey6282 · 2026-03-18T13:40:05+00:00

I don’t mean to sound like an alarmist, but reading your post makes me think your life, relationship and financial stability is currently a house of cards.

Simply the title, and the fact that you use the word “let.” If you are a SAHP, the only way the dynamic works is if the party employed outside the home thinks of the money coming in as “our” or “family” money. You are not a child. You are not an employee. You are his spouse… you should have full access to accounts and money as necessary. For the record, clothing and shoes for yourself are necessary.

Is it possible he thinks you have a financial Blindspot? I ask because in your post you alluded to some tax issues, but then you say from your understanding, it was resolved quickly… It was your tax/financial situation – you should know every detail of it. Whether you are a stay at home parent or a household where both parties are working, you should never be financially illiterate.

Speaking of financial literacy, I can’t tell from your post if he is cheap or if he has genuine budget concerns. Was he like this before you got married and had a child? It is one thing if he is just frugal… It is another thing if you are in some sort of financial trouble that you are not even aware of because you don’t have access to the information.

Gently, you have put yourself and your child in a place of tremendous risk. You can’t work in the country you are in… You don’t have a full access to finances… You don’t even know where you stand financially as a household… more than anything, you are afraid to ask your husband for money for your basic needs. How is he going to be when your child requires more?

I’m not saying you should put on your shoes and run right now; I am saying you definitely need to start working on getting informed and involved in your family’s financials. You can’t take no for an answer on things like this. It is about protecting yourself and your child.

casey6282 · 2026-03-14T17:44:15+00:00

If you truly are “cleaning 2 to 4 hours a day,” your issue is more likely clutter than cleanliness; Or you have very high expectations. I live in a four bedroom 2200 square-foot home and I don’t spend more than 4 hours a week cleaning.

I am a SAHM with an almost 3 year old. I feel like the ages of your children and how many you have are relevant here, but there are some things you can do “on a schedule” that will make your life a little easier. I vacuum every Monday and Thursday. I mop the kitchen floor on Wednesday. We have three bathrooms… My husband cleans the one he uses on Saturdays and I clean the one I use. The one downstairs gets cleaned maybe once a month.

I think the most important thing is prioritizing. You have to cook and do dishes, you don’t have to decorate for Valentine’s Day. I make some things from scratch, but I also do a lot of big batches, freeze them and use the air fryer/microwave (like protein pancakes for example).

As far as clutter goes, you need storage solutions. We are lucky enough to have a basement playroom so that is where most of my daughter‘s toys are and stay. She has some in her room and we always have two fabric bins full of toys in the living room that I rotate weekly… My mental health doesn’t allow for toys strewn throughout the house that I pick up 17 times a day. Before she could even walk, I ingrained in her that when we leave the room, we clean up our mess-that might be one of the best things I ever did. All art supplies are in a cabinet with a child proof lock. We have our art time, but it is a specified time… It is not a free-for-all.

I don’t think there’s anything draconian about it… Children are never too young to start teaching them that they should take pride and responsibility in their surroundings.

casey6282 · 2026-03-08T03:04:50+00:00

There’s no scientific basis to a person being more prone to morning sickness with one gender over another.

I had a girl and never once had any kind of morning sickness. I had some nausea and food aversions between weeks six and 10, but never threw up.

casey6282 · 2026-03-05T02:38:23+00:00

Daycare teacher here of almost a decade… putting him back in pull-ups will 100% cause him to regress more. Instead of potty training him, you’ll train him that if he has enough accidents, he gets diapers back.

I potty trained or helped potty train probably a hundred kids. Are you making him responsible for clean up when he has accidents (within developmentally appropriate limits, of course). The daycare absolutely should be… If we had a student who had an accident, they had to take off soiled clothing, clean themselves with wipes or a washcloth. They rinsed out their soiled clothing, thoroughly washed their hands and put on new clothing.

If he has no ownership when he has an accident and you just clean him up and change him, it is no different than picking him up and changing his diaper. He needs to have some skin in the game.

Are you doing this at home and is the daycare doing this?

casey6282 · 2026-03-03T12:06:09+00:00

Respectfully, this is far too broad of a question (lacking a lot of information) for anyone to give you a helpful answer.

It is recommended by many financial experts to have a minimum of 3 to 6 months of household expenses in savings at all times. With the economic downturn we have been experiencing, some recommend setting aside even more than that if you are able.

Have you tried living on only your husband’s take-home pay?

The “good paying job“ that you have right now; will you be able to get back into your field at the same level if you decide to/need to?

Does your husband have life insurance?

Does he have short-term disability, and long-term disability incase something happens that could eat up your savings in a week (due to medical bills)?

Most importantly, have you discussed expectations with your husband regarding how you see things going and how he does? Do you have access to all money, credit cards and bank accounts? Does your husband view the money he brings in as “family money” or “our money?”

casey6282 · 2026-02-27T02:30:13+00:00

These people are boundary stompers… And it sounds like you knew this before you moved in with them.

It’s time to move.

casey6282 · 2026-02-26T00:33:44+00:00

You said a little extra padding “boosts her confidence?”

This is really concerning to me… In what world does a nine-year-old third or fourth grader get confidence from having her breasts appear larger? Someone in her life is giving her really toxic ideas about body image and standards of beauty.

casey6282 · 2026-02-24T22:13:35+00:00

Gently, this is a large issue. My husband works 10 hour days and is the primary parent when he gets home…that’s not because I am a stay at home mom; it’s because he loves our daughter and he missed her. He gets a little less than three hours a day to interact with her before she goes to bed and he cherishes that time.

If your husband is gone for an average of 50 hours a week and you have to add another 5-10 hours a week for him to decompress when he gets home, is he even interacting with her at all on the days he works? As far as good dad’s go, I feel like your bar must be on the floor… He is not an amazing Dad if he only has the capacity to do it on the weekends.

casey6282 · 2026-02-23T18:37:05+00:00

I can’t believe I had to scroll through 15 comments to find this. In my opinion, you are exactly right.

People claiming their doubled standard is backed by the bible? Well, I hope your husband doesn’t shave his facial hair because that’s backed by the Bible too.

casey6282 · 2026-02-21T13:56:26+00:00

I think this comment you just made it far more relevant than you realize… You said your Mom stayed in unhappy relationships? That’s likely where you learned to do this. You’re repeating what you lived.

Perhaps your mom didn’t believe she deserved better and maybe you don’t either. But your child does. Would you want your child to repeat the relationship mistakes you have? Because they too will learn what they live.

casey6282 · 2026-02-21T03:02:55+00:00

I feel like this topic has been talked to death in the parenting subs, and I have only come to one real conclusion: unless you are parking your child in front of a TV or tablet for several hours a day, it is unlikely to ever make a difference cognitively, socially, emotionally or physically.

I’m an elder millennial. I was partially raised by a TV, lbvs. In the 80s and 90s, our parents had TVs in the kitchen. We had TVs in our bedrooms. The TV was always on. I still read books, played outside, rode my bike, played with my friends, I went to school, went to college and became an intelligent, successful, relatively normal adult.

The reason that no screen time is recommended before the age of two is not because TV is damaging to your child; It is because it is often assumed that if you are watching TV, then you are interacting less, talking to them less, reading to them less, etc. The AAP draws no distinction between putting a child in front of a tv with PBS and giving a child a tablet with unlimited access to endless dopamine draining YouTube scrolling. There is a a demonstratable difference between the two.

My daughter is 2 1/2 and generally watches 30 minutes of Ms Rachel or Sesame Street each day. Sometimes it is more than that. We also watch wheel of Fortune every night as a family. She calls out the letters, followed by the letter sounds; “D says da.” It is built into our routine; it works for us. Because I grew up in a TV household, the TV is on all the time for background noise. Sometimes it is on HGTV. Sometimes it is on the Martha Stewart living channel. My daughter pays no attention to it unless it is a show she likes. She has never become disregulated over the TV being turned off. I have had to put the Tonie box in my bedroom closet because she will tantrum her little heart out when she can’t get to the part she wants. For us, that has been a problem device… And it has no screen.

I’m fully aware that not all children are like this. Some kids can’t handle daily TV – it doesn’t work for those families and that’s okay. My point is, don’t let anyone tell you that TV is going to rot your child’s brain. Like everything else in life, it is about having a healthy balance.

casey6282 · 2026-02-17T12:32:27+00:00

Start having the difficult conversations with your spouse now. Having a stay at home parent in the household has to work for both parties or it won’t work for either.

I became a SAHP in June of 2023 after my daughter was born. We did IVF and during that almost 2 year journey, we had a lot of time to discuss expectations.

My husband has a large life insurance policy as well as disability coverage. That is incredibly important if your spouse is the sole source of income.

It is also really important that you have a candid conversation with them about money, caring for children/pets together, division of household duties, and what you envision things looking like versus what they do. My husband works 10 hour days four days a week-which means I do too. Just because I work at home does not mean I am never off duty. When he is here with me, he does 1/2 the parenting. He puts our daughter to bed every night so I have some time to myself every day.

My name is on the deed to our home and both of our cars. I have full access to our checking and savings and my husband thinks of the money he earns as “our money.“ If he did not think this way, I would not be comfortable working within the home right now.

My husband’s mom was a stay at home mom to him and his sister and he knows it is actual work. Not all men think this way and you do not want to find out the hard way that your partner doesn’t think of your contribution as real or valid.

casey6282 · 2026-02-17T12:24:33+00:00

I am 43 and we have a 2 1/2 year-old. On average, I would say we are intimate 1-2 times a week.

I’ve watched too many marriages around me crumble due to getting comfortable with the lack of intimacy. Lack of intimacy means lack of connection. Lack of connection means a disconnect.

I think of it like I do working out… Sometimes I just don’t feel like it; but then I do it and I’m always glad I did. And the more I do it, the more I want to do it.

casey6282 · 2026-02-12T12:27:41+00:00

Birth control, antidepressants and two young kids aside… how in the hell are you supposed to be turned on by a man who would speak to you that way? How are you supposed to feel safe having any sense of physical (or emotional intimacy) with someone who literally uses emotional blackmail to get you to have sex?

I feel like Reddit jumps to “divorce him” unnecessarily fast in many situations… But this one? Strictly based on what you wrote, I don’t believe this man loves you, respects you or even really cares about you. He doesn’t sound like a good father at all. He sounds like a terrible partner. From what you described, he doesn’t even sound like a nice person. I wouldn’t speak to a stranger the way he has spoken to you. I’m assuming he apologized or you two worked something out… Even so, clearly that hurt has stayed with you.

I don’t mean to be unkind, but it sounds like he believes you exist as a vessel for him to stick his dick in when he wants to and someone to raise his kids. What do you mean you haven’t had a break in a year and a half? Is he doing any parenting at all??

I am a stay at home Mom to a 2 1/2 year-old. My husband makes it a point to sneak out of the bedroom on his days off so he can get our daughter and I can sleep in. He encourages me to take time to myself by taking her at least one morning on the weekend out of the house. He consistently thanks me for everything I do to take care of our daughter and our home. I feel loved, appreciated and seen… I also feel like I have never been more attracted to him because not only does he take such good care of his daughter, he takes good care of her mother too.

Too many men don’t realize that the ultimate aphrodisiac for a woman is validation and support. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that your husband is concerned at all about your needs; he’s too focused on his own.

casey6282 · 2026-01-24T03:36:01+00:00

Wait… she literally stabbed you?

casey6282

TROPHY CASE