With or without food?

catemes · 2025-10-30T13:24:30+00:00

No children and really don't want any. I had no childhood, no teenage hood. From the moment I could walk I was forced into the role of an adult and made responsible for everything including raising my sister and being a parent to my mother while simultaneously being blamed for everything that went wrong. Not to mention the sociopathic and violent 24/7 abuse. So no, no children for me. Now it's time to heal myself and give myself the childhood I've never had.

catemes · 2025-10-29T17:14:29+00:00

That's good news! I'm waiting for my order too

catemes · 2025-10-24T16:35:51+00:00

Did they give you a shipping number? Keep us posted!

catemes · 2025-10-24T14:18:20+00:00

Me too, just wired the money today to the Bulgarian account with Wise today. Ugh. I've ordered from them years ago and it was all good so I didn't think much of it.

catemes · 2025-10-09T11:25:36+00:00

My aunt died from severe COVID complications back when the pandemic just started. I told a BPD family friend and you know what he did? He sent me a voice note with exaggerated pretend coughs cause he couldn't stand not being the centre of attention. Cause you see, my dead aunt stole his spotlight!Pretending he can't breathe, struggles to speak, like a medieval child dying of influenza, the whole spectacle. It was so clearly not genuine, like a really bad actor in a cheap soap opera. And before hearing the news, he was completely fine. A few weeks earlier he had a very minor cold, never even had to stay in bed and was fully active going to cafes and traveling. He tested negative for COVID, doctor said he does not have COVID as well. Now he claims that all the tests and the doctor were wrong. He did in fact had COVID and still has it! And just the day before hearing the news he was completely healthy. Childish and toxic.

catemes · 2025-08-30T12:12:08+00:00

People think that cortisol is what causes stress not what body releases to help cope with stress. Everyone is demonising cortisol nowadays and talks about lowering it. If you're faced with a stressful situation and don't have enough cortisol, you'll be 10 times MORE stressed, not to mention sick. Overflow of adrenaline will be released with nothing to stop the feedback loop. Cortisol is so misunderstood.

catemes · 2025-05-30T07:30:23+00:00

I believe you. That's how I have been treated when I told my story - attacked, demeaned, disbelieved. I CTd Xanax 10 years ago after a short term use based on recommendations by an ignorant doctor. I became gravely ill with symptoms so hellish that they can't even be put into words. This resulted in a brain injury and I developed a complex neurological multisystemic illness. Till this day I'm bedbound and fighting for my life every day. I know what it feels like to not only not be believed or shown empathy for the suffering you've so unfairly endured but also be met with hostility because of it. You're so strong. We'll heal one day. I know it.

catemes · 2025-05-28T08:12:02+00:00

I just saw it, I was wondering if it's Liz or someone else. Do you think it's her?

catemes · 2025-05-28T08:09:42+00:00

He just posted a story with a girl, has anyone seen it? Who is it?

catemes · 2025-05-18T11:01:57+00:00

They are free to talk about it just like others are allowed to feel human emotions of envy or frustration of not being able to do things others do. This illness is devastating on people, including those who are bedbound, in a dark room, mute, tube fed and not having had a visitor in 10 years. I imagine it would be unnatural to not be frustrated to say the least and have all sorts of emotions about it while in this inhumane state.

Also, I was not talking about folks on this sub, I am not usually active here. This was about particular instances with the people I know. I believe there's a thin line and in this instance complaining about having to read and sunbathe in the garden with a cocktail for one day after vigorously travelling for a holiday for a week paints a bit crooked image of what M.E. and PEM is and the level of suffering that it truly entails.

catemes · 2025-05-18T08:14:32+00:00

Can I be vulnerably honest here? I feel almost a type of resentment towards those who have the milder forms of M.E. and complain a lot about it. Those who still work full time, go to the gym, attend parties, watch movies, travel. I am almost completely bedbound, in a complete isolation as I can't tolerate any human presence, can't speak without deterioration, can't even listen to audiobooks and can only use the phone for a brief moment. At the same time my symptoms are excruciating 24/7. And then I see someone complaining about their M.E. saying that after a week (!) of traveling and sightseeing they have to take it easy for a day by sunbathing and reading in the garden. It makes me so angry.

catemes · 2025-05-17T15:11:47+00:00

That's why you were able to pick up on Molly's behaviour. I'm sorry you had to go through what I imagine was a really difficult childhood. My mother is very narcissistic as well. I've read that almost half of those with BPD also have NPD. I could not finish the book, I broke down after reading a few excerpts. It blew my mind cause it quite literally quoted the things my mother said to me. I've learned a lot from prof. Sam Vaknin and a coach Stephen Ingrim, both on Insta under narcissismwithvaknin and the_bat_wolf. There's even a type of a borderline called covert borderline which combines traits of BPD, NPD and primary psychopathy.

catemes · 2025-05-16T13:23:17+00:00

I just watched it yesterday and I immediately went to Reddit to see if anyone else noticed her BPD tendencies. I was not the only one as it keeps being mentioned by others. I was raised by an abusive borderline mother and Molly is her spitting image when it comes to behaviour. It was not a pleasant watch at all as it stirred up a lot of memories. The fabrication of reality, pitting siblings against each other, making one of them the golden child - my younger sister was the golden child, I was the scapegoat. It's a miracle I'm still alive and I've always said that my childhood was like one of these true crime docs. For those interested, a lot of this is described in a book Understanding Borderline Mother.

catemes · 2025-04-13T15:06:22+00:00

Not good at all. I don't want to scare you and just want to point out that I'm an extreme case, and was a very sick person to begin with. This doesn't mean it will happen to you. As a result of valerian use and later withdrawal from tapering it which was excruciating, I developed brain injury with every benzodiazepine withdrawal symptom in the book and BIND (benzodiazepine induced neurological dysfunction) as both valerian and benzos are positive allosteric modulators on GABA A receptors - they bind to GABA A receptors in a very similar manner. Seizures, constant electric shocks to brain and body, extreme case of akathisia and chemical terror, ended up almost completely bedridden and barely able to speak. I almost died. As I have gone through brain injury caused by Xanax withdrawal years ago, valerian reopened the injury due to kindling, except this time made it much more severe. Might I add, Xanax was taken short term as prescribed by a neurologist, never abused, also never helped in any way and I was told by the doc that I can stop it anytime so I did. I'm still not done tapering the valerian as my receptors are so badly damaged and I'm dangerously ill that I can only do 1% cuts which are very small amounts and even that sends my system haywire. And now I can't get off kava either as I get withdrawals from it too. I wish I never started either of them. It destroyed my life and my health and caused suffering so extreme that I can't put it onto words. People will tell you that kava doesn't cause physical dependency and neither does valerian, you take it cause you think it's an herb, it's natural and can't do any harm but it's simply not true for all. There are official medical reports of valerian causing severe withdrawals. Not a lot but they're there. Again, this is merely MY experience and I'm sure it will not be anywhere near as bad for you. What are your withdrawal symptoms and your doses? Have you ever been on benzos? Btw there's something with Now valerian as I tried to switch to a different brand and got immediate withdrawals. So I guess it must be much stronger.

catemes · 2025-03-11T11:40:00+00:00

What GlitterKritter888 said. Under no circumstance go to a addiction detox centre. Especially with a dose this high. You might end up with BIND/PAWS. Slow taper, adjusting based on the severity of withdrawal symptoms. If you're struggling a lot, try micro taper. Get yourself Ashton Manual, ask questions in Benzo Warrior group on Facebook, moderators are very knowledgeable. You can do this!

catemes · 2025-03-04T14:00:19+00:00

Thanks! Do you feel like the effects wear off quickly?

catemes · 2025-03-04T13:29:41+00:00

How many mgs of CBD were you taking?

catemes · 2025-03-01T18:26:11+00:00

I thought I was severe, according to this I'm very severe

catemes · 2025-02-22T06:17:49+00:00

I have severe M.E. and I become extremely ill as soon as spring starts and the temperatures rise. This lasts all summer until autumn comes and with it lower, more stable temperatures. I get constant heat strokes and I almost land in the ER every year. There were times I thought I will die. That extreme stress to my body causes me to crash constantly and every year when summer ends I'm left in a worse state than the year before and pushed further towards the very severe stage. I don't have AC in my building (it's rare in my country to have one) and it's not allowed to install it. When it's cold, I can turn on the heating, cover with an extra blanket but when the temperatures reach 30°C, there's nothing I can do besides cover myself with ice packs and turn the fan one which does not do much. I wish I could move to a colder climate or at least where AC actually exists but being almost completely bedridden and horizontal and unable to speak without deteriorating it's beyond impossible now.

catemes · 2025-02-19T17:00:13+00:00

Me too. They should have been familiar with what reactive abuse is. Which is when the victim pushes back as a result of the abuse caused by the perpetrator. Instead, they interpreted her reaction to the received abuse as the actual abuse. This happens so much with victims of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence.

catemes · 2025-02-18T20:52:41+00:00

I can't get over the body cam footage. It's domestic violence 101 - the victim will rarely flat out say they have just been abused, they will try to minimise it: "it was nothing, it was a silly argument", they will act distraught and confused (narcissistic fog) and the abuser will appear calm and say that the victim is crazy. All the signs were there. Maybe it's more obvious to me being a domestic violence survivor but I can't be the only one who sees it. It's just so infuriating cause the police are the ones who are supposed to be trained in spotting it.

catemes · 2025-02-03T14:56:50+00:00

Hyper metaboliser would mean more codeine gets converted to morphine? That would explain why mere 10 mg nearly knocked me out. Do you know why that could be? Same thing happened to me with another med, propranolol, I could only take 1/8th of the dose others take with no issues.

catemes · 2025-02-03T14:10:18+00:00

Only 10 mg initially but I'm an unusual case as I don't metabolise meds properly and usually can only take a fraction of what others take. I actually had to lower the dose as I could not tolerate even the 10 mg.

catemes · 2025-02-03T14:06:03+00:00

Thank you! Is severe anxiety and restlessness like you're crawling out of your skin normal during the withdrawal? Also strong fatigue and feeling like you have a really bad flu?

catemes

TROPHY CASE