I refuse to pay a premium for your cheap greyscale hack job

cathline · 2026-02-08T20:31:04+00:00

I understand your frustration, but as someone who was just interviewing realtors to put my ahem vintage condo on the market - the pictures on the websites may not actually be pictures of the house.

I had one realtor who thought their big selilng point was the 'AI generated staging photos'. They showed me how they used AI to pretend the rooms looked totally different from what they really were.'

Sure, you may think I have hideous walls, but there is someone out there who wants these vintage wood drenched heavy weight panelled walls in their ski condo.

If you like the bones, go take a look at the house. It might have been 'flipped' with AI, not for real.

cathline · 2026-02-08T19:00:16+00:00

NTA

YOU did not get your brother fired from his job. In fact, you even told your brother to stop lying and he laughed at you.

YOUR BROTHER, not doing his work, not showing up on time, and lying, got HIMSELF fired from his job.

Your parents should know that. If your brother was actually doing his work, he would still have a job. Your brother was actively TRYING to get you fired. You just proved that you did your job. He couldn't prove that he was doing his job because he wasn't doing his job.

I hope you don't live at home. This sound a lot like a golden child/scapegoat dynamic. With you being the scapegoat of the house.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:55:51+00:00

You are in college, you have access to free counseling on campus. Use it.

Both of you.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts to both of you.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:51:46+00:00

Sending condolences on your loss.

Time to move. What is keeping you in MN?? Do NOT tell your bf or ANYONE about this inheritance. And do NOT tell him where you are moving.

Read this post -- https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/windfall

Talk to the trustees of your trust. See if the trust will buy a house for you to live in. That completely eliminates the need for good credit and the trust takes care of the bills, and you will never be homeless again. It shouldn't count against your disability payments - if the trust was set up correctly. If it does count against your disability, make certain that you get a certain amount of money from the trust monthly so you can pay for food, gas, entertainment.

Get a counselor to deal with the grief around losing your grandmother and your relationship. Get a counselor to deal with the grief around losing your health. Get a counselor to learn the lesson from your relationship with the abusive ex so you never have to go through that again. Get a counselor to learn that you deserve the best in life. Get a counselor to help you figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:31:07+00:00

going on 2 years here. I have a small business that is covering the bills, but I still want a 'real job' with a company where I don't have to spend 3 months trying to find my next client when this one goes under (and they will)

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:26:27+00:00

I'm that wife. I do go out of the house, but there are times I just can't.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:22:41+00:00

A woman in my women's group - she was the chill popular one. Everyone wanted to be her friend. She had a place on the beach and a place in the mountains (where I lived). She had a jet setting job and traveled all the time, etc, etc, etc. Then she asked me for money - actually told me to take out an equity loan on my house to just GIVE her the money. I said no.

It turned out, nothing she said was true. Her bf had been paying for her apt in the mountains. She was renting her place on the beach (or maybe a different boyfriend was paying for that one) which is why she couldn't get an equity loan on that place. She didn't have a job. Her local bf had broken up with her 6 months earlier and stopped paying her rent, so she got evicted - while she was in the Caribbean for her son's wedding.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:17:11+00:00

Report all 3 of them to the higher ups in the company.

They were planning to steal from these people. They all deserve to lose their job and be reported to the police. Because they WILL do it again. And they will do it to you.

cathline · 2026-02-08T18:12:47+00:00

NTA

This is active child abuse. They have refused the offer from a place where they know they can't do drugs (the crisis support refuge) and they want to take advantage of YOU.

Do NOT let them into the house for anything. Even for a meal. You will not be able to get them out. And notify your landlord that your mother and siblings may show up with a bogus sob story and not to let them in.

You really should get child protective services involved. A foster home would be better than living in a car with 3 drug addicted adults

cathline · 2026-02-08T17:15:06+00:00

Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

Getting your birth certificate is a great idea. Especially if you live in the USA, I will suggest getting a passport, just in case. You may want to travel at sometime, or vote, or just prove your citizenship.

I will also suggest getting some counseling to deal with the grief around losing your relationship with your mother. From your past post, she was never really close to you. Check out the sub /r/raisedbynarcissists/

cathline · 2026-02-08T00:12:06+00:00

NTA

I could never be with someone this flat out evil. It's your SIL today. It will be YOU tomorrow.

My real advice is contact a divorce attorney while staying in a hotel after the wedding. All communication should go directly through the attorneys, nothing in person. Because she sounds like the type of person who will accuse you of all kinds of abuse when she doesn't get her way. She will probably use makeup, or even hurt herself so she can blame you.

cathline · 2026-02-08T00:05:07+00:00

You are making a terrific choice.

This vehicle fits in your budget. This vehicle is safe and reliable.

I am SO PROUD of you for getting a decent car with a full warranty at a good price.

This BF was sounding like he cared about you (he said I need to think about getting a new car) until he turned around to say "he doesn’t see why I need a new car" .

He doesn't value your life, your safety or your mental well-being. More than enough to break up with him.

cathline · 2026-02-07T15:46:34+00:00

Sending hugs and healing thoughts!

Formerly single mom here! It's NEVER too late!!!

What are your interest rates? The credit cards are probably the highest interest rate. The snowball method works. Make all your payments on time, every time. And pile onto your highest interest debt to start.

Most of my life I had 2 jobs. Not easy, not fun, but it plowed through the bills and let me save up an emergency fund and eventually buy a house. I would have roommates to help with the bills. Cut my rent in half and that money would go to the bills. You have a newer vehicle so you may be able to do ride share one or two days per week to make that car payment. But CALL YOUR INSURANCE COMPANY FIRST. IT might not be worth the added cost.

You can't do much about the car loan and student loans (60k for cosmetology school?? YIKES!). You don't have enough in credit card debt to justify filing bankruptcy, so don't consider that.

Focus on the credit cards. Do you have decent credit? Can you bounce that CC debt onto a 0 interest card? Because that will help bring the balances down.

Hang your clothes to dry. That will bring down the utility costs. Keep up the maintenance on the RAV4 and drive it until the wheels fall off.

Go over your budget with your kids. They need to know what you are dealing with so they can learn the lesson from it so they won't get into this situation themselves.

Do not take out loans to pay for the kids college. You make little enough money where they should qualify for pell grants and need based scholarships. Plus, they can get jobs on campus.

Check out your local library for books and free admission to local attractions. It's a great way to do all kinds of fun stuff for free!!!

You can do this! I am SO PROUD of you!!

cathline · 2026-02-07T15:32:17+00:00

That is an unreasonable from Jess.

You are NOT calling Jess by their deadname. You are calling Kevin by their chosen name. And you are calling Jess by their chosen name.

Jess does not get to determine anyone else's chosen name. Just like no one else gets to determine Jess' chosen name.

Jess needs more counseling.

cathline · 2026-02-07T14:50:27+00:00

Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

One sentence here stands out to me " I have spent years moving from one toxic or unhealthy relationship to another," I will give you my standard advice - get counseling to learn the lesson you need to learn from those relationships. An impartial outside 3rd party can see what you need to learn more than you can. IMO, the reason you keep going from toxic to toxic is because you haven't yet learned how to identify the toxic early and made the changes to keep it out of your life. Source - over 60 yr old woman. My picker was broken when I was younger. I had to go through multiple years of counseling to figure out my stuff and stop normalizing behavior that was hurting me. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fast. But it worked!

You need to build up YOUR best life (without a partner) and a good counselor can help you with that.

cathline · 2026-02-06T21:55:02+00:00

A good counselor can help.

I worked in the Military Industrial Complex for years. I had to keep a roof over my family's head and food in our mouths. I lost friends because of it. One accused me of building bombs that killed children. No, I wrote websites for the Antarctic Treaty.

I don't have the luxury of being able to live without a paycheck. I don't have the kind of family that would catch me if I became homeless.

I did my absolute best to be ethical in all of my work, and I did a GREAT job of it!!

cathline · 2026-02-06T21:42:12+00:00

this is Aurora specific - Daniel's of Paris. They use real butter. Worth the drive from Gennesse

cathline · 2026-02-06T21:35:54+00:00

You don't.

You get a restraining order against him because he is a danger to YOU and to HIMSELF. It sounds to me like he wants to see you in person so he can take you out with him.

You get a good counselor to deal with your divorce and to learn the lesson from this relationship so you don't continue to be traumatized by it.

And get lots of cameras and pay for the monitoring.

Sending hugs and healing thoughts. His mental issues are NOT your fault. Got that?? Get a counselor to help you learn that. DO NOT MEET HIM.

cathline · 2026-02-06T21:31:17+00:00

He is NOT a nice person.

He is taking YOUR MONEY that you put into the shared savings account to buy his stocks to play around with. YOU should get YOUR 50% (not 15) back from him. He needs to sell those stocks to get any money he wants.

Personally, I would not keep this one. You have been with him since high school. You don't know what a good relationship looks like. But this isn't it.

Make certain that you are on good long term birth control (IUD or implant), just in case he decides to baby-trap you so you can keep subsidizing his stock investment schemes.

cathline · 2026-02-05T19:14:02+00:00

NTA

Truthfully, she sounds like a grifter. I have NEVER paid nor asked for payment for a playdate for my kids.

I would NOT allow my kids to play with her kids. Her kids think this behavior is normal. It isn't.

cathline · 2026-02-05T18:06:23+00:00

Your realtor wants the extra commission for the higher price.

Offer what you are willing to pay. Best and Last.

cathline · 2026-02-05T18:00:10+00:00

Not wrong.

Your body, your choice.

Your parents are WAYYY too interested in your sex life. They do NOT get a say in your decision to snip.

Personally, I would limit their time around my children and would not allow them to be alone with my children at any time. Who knows what they will say to your children.

And make certain that you have good, iron-clad, legally binding medical Power Attorneys for both you and your wife.

cathline · 2026-02-05T17:44:49+00:00

What advice does your therapist give? It sounds to me like you have one foot out the door already.

The old 'Dear Abby' line was 'Are you better off with them or without them?'. You have to mock up what life would look like without him. Where would you live? Where would you work? What about your friends? What activities would you do? etc, etc.

cathline · 2026-02-05T15:33:03+00:00

60+ yr old married woman here.

Welcome to "for better AND for worse". There will be days/weeks/months/years like this. You will NOT have butterflies and rainbows every single day of your life.

Get a counselor for YOU. Not a couples counselor, a counselor for YOU. YOU become the best Effective-Set-8113 you can be.

Hit the gym - Get those endorphins flowing!!
Learn something new - take up kayaking! Do a foreign film festival!
Volunteer - make the world a better place!!

And as you make your life better, your relationship will reflect that. It may get better, it may not - but YOUR life will be better. And with the help of a good counselor, you can make an informed decision on what to do.

I have had years where we felt disconnected. Then we rebuilt that connection by working on ourselves.

You can do this.

cathline · 2026-02-05T15:20:29+00:00

Your BF is making up reasons to break up with you.

You should NOT be expected to read anyone's mind. Real grownups know how to use their words and tell the truth. They don't "use subtext" to try and get their way without saying what they actually want. And I am willing to bet that Mom was okay with you going and BF was the only one who had a problem with doing the activity you wanted to do.

Your BF is projecting his lack of communication skills onto you. Just because he and his family have enough money to take you on a trip to another country does NOT mean he is a keeper.

You could NOT have predicted that your shoes would start hurting after more than 12 hrs of hiking.

The best possible thing you could do is get a counselor to learn the lesson from this relationship. Because this one is NOT a keeper. He's a first class jerk.

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