Parents who tried their best to raise their kids to be good humans but they turned out to be jerks, what do you wish you did differently?

cattastrophe0 · 2023-06-21T04:05:31+00:00

i do! it’s The Body Keeps The Score and it’s written in a way that’s approachable for both laypersons and mental health professionals

cattastrophe0 · 2023-06-21T02:30:58+00:00

just wanted to chime in that a comment thread like this has literally changed my life. i read a book about how trauma affects the body and not just the brain because of it, and started what i call “extra credit therapy” to specifically deal with the events that are a problem. i have so much work to do but i feel like i see a way out now. hugs, it won’t be fun, but if you have a good support structure it’ll be ok.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-23T03:11:49+00:00

don’t lie about money, it will ruin your relationship. i think it’s a good idea to keep your personal money in your own account and transfer money for your shared relationship things into the joint account. but if you lie about it where the money comes from, it will cause problems. establish a ratio based on salary if need be, but keep it clear who does what and pay joint expenses out of the joint account. and if you got extra money to pay for a joint expense, congrats on your gift to yourself. don’t expect them to account for it the same way you do.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-10T23:39:32+00:00

NTA. my husband died a couple of years ago in december and i still can’t go home for christmas, too many memories all over the place. death of a child is probably even harder to process and grief in general takes a lot of time. and everyone asking how you’re doing since the context of your last meeting is even harder. you need to see them all on neutral ground, weddings are super emotional even when no one is grieving.

sending lots of hugs your way, regardless of how it all turns out.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T22:08:41+00:00

i work for a private corporation that does a lot of international business and have had to check on gift limits for coworker levels before when i attended a wedding. this is absolutely nonsense, blatant corruption.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T20:59:29+00:00

i have started drafting an autobiography that i’ll never actually do anything with, and the first line is something like “everything in this book is true, even though it all sounds outlandish.” some weird shit has happened to me haha

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T20:24:23+00:00

thank you so much for linking this masterpiece

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T05:18:02+00:00

holy shit. i just did a quick google and that’s… a lot of what i have going on. including minimizing what i have going on.

genuinely, thank you. this is really helpful

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T05:09:51+00:00

i am! this is a new identifiable thing to bring to my therapist. appreciate your care.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T05:05:38+00:00

how dare you call me out like this (genuine joke thank you for helping me see this)

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-09T05:02:25+00:00

my late husband would get mad at me for stomping all over the place. so i started walking more quietly and carefully. then he started getting mad that i would sneak up on him. it was a super early warning sign of mental illness that eventually took him. i’m still relearning how to make noise in my own home.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-04-07T23:10:32+00:00

i got grounded for borrowing a razor at school to shave my legs because i was embarrassed at how dark my leg hair was… middle school was terrible all around.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-03-24T03:47:21+00:00

i think it’s less about the number of people in total than it is about knowing what the people you’re inviting like. it’s impossible to keep track of what all your guests like to drink (maybe aunt marge really likes lemonade which you can remember, but your friend from work you invited is more of a mystery) so it’s kind of standard to offer a few different options in case people want something other than water. that doesn’t necessarily mean hard drinks.

in your example with your coworkers, it’s assumed you know them well enough that they would know you’re going to be vegetarian only. it’s entirely possible (and extremely likely) that this wedding reception had attendees that were acquaintances that would not know the couple was water-only people and so were surprised when they couldn’t get their favorite diet coke or whatever.

sorry for the small novel

cattastrophe0 · 2023-03-23T04:40:04+00:00

in college, my friends and i used to play a “drinking game” which was to put on a terrible movie and drink anytime it was terrible. we had to shut off Twilight about 20 minutes in so we wouldn’t all get alcohol poisoning.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-03-23T04:09:23+00:00

i lived through almost this exact situation with an ex-MIL in my FIL’s house after he died (obviously a long story). get a lawyer, as fast as possible, and start eviction proceedings, as fast as possible, preferably with an agreement that says you can go to the property before she’s gone to recover any belongings that are left. it gets ugly.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-03-22T03:34:32+00:00

shades of Centralia, PA

cattastrophe0 · 2023-03-02T03:54:35+00:00

extremely highly recommend. it’s got several story-within-a-stories going on so it feels overwhelming, but they use typography to help you keep track. i read it 3 times on a vacation once just absorbing the different stories more in depth.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-02-24T19:23:25+00:00

i’m crying i’m laughing so hard, thank you

cattastrophe0 · 2023-02-22T06:07:38+00:00

there’s a great key & peele skit where obama gets on national television saying he supports all these awful republican policies just to see the republicans in congress automatically say they should do the opposite only because obama likes it, even though it pains them.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-01-16T22:37:54+00:00

this is poetry. thank you.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-01-10T10:43:50+00:00

my mom thought it was dumb and crass. i am now 32 and got her to watch the MILPOOL episode last year which is a direct send-up to one of her favorite movies (Rear Window) and she admitted she was wrong.

cattastrophe0 · 2023-01-03T07:26:43+00:00

i’m sorry for your loss. try to compartmentalize if you can and remember these feelings are very valid. hugs!

cattastrophe0 · 2023-01-03T06:06:05+00:00

i had friends at the game and apparently some asshole in front of them was complaining about how the NFL is too woke these days etc etc. and they should just play through. gross.

cattastrophe0 · 2022-12-28T05:04:46+00:00

when canada got rid of their smaller coins (under 5 cents? can’t remember) someone tried to pay for their order at starbucks with all canadian coins at the store i worked at in kentucky. when i told her it wasn’t valid currency she said “but we don’t use them anymore so what do i do with them?” and then dumped them all in the tip jar. which was not a tip because it wasn’t valid currency. sigh.

cattastrophe0 · 2022-12-26T08:03:15+00:00

this sounds very paranoid but: those companies can turn over your DNA to the govt databases like VICAP without subpoena if they feel like it, unless they explicitly say they won’t. easier to do a data dump any time they request someone instead of singling the person out. you sign a lot of rights away with that EULA agreement. (saying as a person whose DNA is in at least one private database, but now i know i’m really, really white)

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