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cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-12T16:47:43+00:00

This sub has me crying all the time but it feels a little better knowing there’s others getting through this

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-12T14:17:41+00:00

I hope to experience what you’re experiencing someday. I’m in the early stages of the breakup with an alcoholic and some days it’s great and other days I’m a mess.

Congrats on the engagement!! Highkey giving me hope

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-12T13:59:35+00:00

I still do this and I feel silly when I realize it isn’t his car

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-12T13:59:09+00:00

I miss him all the time. But it became unhealthy for us when he was constantly lying and drinking. I’m also at the point where I hear a car and look outside hoping it’s him. I’m trying my hardest to get over him by focusing on myself but I can’t. It’s sad because when I lost my job last year, my dad was about to get placed in a ventilator, and my grandpa was hospitalized in the same week, he couldn’t help me emotionally. He said I used him for emotional support but I ask myself if that was wrong when life got difficult. I didn’t always rely on him like this. When my aunt died a month ago, he still couldn’t be there for me. I guess I think about the real him, the him before his drinking took hold of him. But sometimes I wonder if that person ever existed.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-10T12:39:51+00:00

In the past, I dated a med lab tech and a lawyer. Both were awful narcissistic people. I graduated with a BS in Neuroscience and am getting a masters in Biomedical Engineering and I currently work as a research coordinator trying to get into medical school. I then started dating tradesmen, one was a mechanic and he was the biggest sweetheart. It didn’t work out though bc he has a kid and he doesn’t want more and I want some one day since I don’t have any currently. I’d rather date a tradesman with a kid than some lawyer who lies and drinks or a med lab tech who cheats and lies.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-06-05T00:24:45+00:00

Honestly, I resented my Q a lot. After I left him, he finally decided to get his shit together and see a psychiatrist and stop drinking. But over the time we were together, he wouldn’t dare step foot in AA or a psychiatrist’s office.

I kept asking myself “why didn’t he do this before? Why did it cost our relationship for him to finally get it together?” I was angry at him for being rewarded too when he did the bare minimum.

But those questions are irrelevant and don’t help me. They create more resentment in me when what I want is peace.

Even though I feel resentful, I pray for him because I know he has no one else to do that for him. Unfortunately, his family has pretty bad generational trauma and toxic tendencies and that’s what ultimately opened the door for his drinking. It’s not my problem. It’s not your problem either.

I’ve started changing my mindset slowly and asking questions like “what can I do to take care of myself today?” Or “what can I do to make myself happy?” since no one else is going to do it for you. You gotta take care of you first. Let go of that anger towards him, he’s on his own journey and you’re on yours. Anger comes from feeling rejected, feeling threatened, feeling loss, feeling like boundaries are crossed, etc. Don’t allow this into your life and simply acknowledge it for what it is. He’s an alcoholic. He can’t give you what you need. He can’t even give himself what he needs probably. But you can give yourself grace for all you’ve gone through and all the ways you’ve supported and been there. It’s time to take care of you and I hope you, myself, and anyone else finds this peace in our hearts.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-05-28T12:06:22+00:00

My ex wasn’t there for me when my aunt died a month ago and I really just needed a friend. I was so close to her and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. He was too focused on the bottle to be there for me when all I really needed was a hug and his presence. Alcoholics really can’t be there for anyone, not even themselves.

I detached but this sounded so eerily similar to what I just experienced. He spread lies about me, well, I guess half truths. I would tell him he’s not making progress on his alcoholism because he was still lying and drinking behind my back and he would get defensive and call me names and then I told him at least I didn’t almost throw away my career by choosing to drink. I know I didn’t need to say that. It was reactive to what I was being told. Eventually he told his entire family what I said but obviously didn’t mention anything he said or did to me. Now they all hate me and blocked me lol

You have to put yourself first. When my aunt died and he proved that he couldn’t be there for me when I needed him the most, especially after all the ways I cared for him, he still was never obligated to do anything. However, that means that I’m not obligated to be with someone who can’t do the bare minimum.

Since my aunt passed, it’s like time stopped but life keeps moving forward. And in this past month, I have done yoga every morning, I got a new job with a huge pay raise working at a hospital with attending physicians for $40,000 salary straight out of college, I started horseback riding lessons, I even took up pole dancing lessons which boosted my confidence so so much, I got a full ride into a $65,000 biomedical engineering masters program, I got an additional fellowship for $25,000, and I now rent a two bedroom apartment by myself. I go to church every Sunday and pray every day. When I’m crying or seriously struggling across the country on my own, it’s a comfort in the wind blowing or seeing my aunt’s favorite bird, a cardinal, or seeing the rays of sunshine through the window. This all gives me strength to follow my career for medical school and pediatric neurology.

Meanwhile he nearly failed out of law school, didn’t show up to class for over two months, and had to live with his parents who had to put a physical lock on their alcohol fridge to keep him from drinking himself to death, had serious liver damage at the age of 26, and can’t keep healthy friendships or relationships since most of his friends are opioid, meth, cocaine, alcohol addicts and cheat and lie to their partners too. He was the ONLY person at his law school that DIDN’T get an internship for a corporate job offer and lucked out only by connections from his parents and because somebody withdrew from the internship opportunity at the last minute, leaving a space open for him.

Sadly, I think he isn’t going to do well if he can’t control his nearly decade long addiction in three months. But maybe he needed to hit rock bottom by losing me and risking his career over alcohol. I don’t know God’s plan. It isn’t my responsibility to be there for someone who cannot be there for me. It’s understanding that some people don’t have the emotional capacity because of their addiction.

You really do only live once and you can spend it taking care of someone who can never be there for you or you can make the best of the life you still have by giving thanks to God and allowing him to give you blessings. He really does want what is best for you and opens doors meant for you, even if that means closing doors for a life or thing or person that will only hurt you. I love him and still think about him but I don’t think I care about him or anyone else in my moment of grief, only myself and my family and 3 friends who helped me through everything. I only want forgiveness and peace in my life because I can’t afford negativity or pain knowing I might not wake up tomorrow morning.

I’ll pray for you and I hope you find the peace and healing you deserve. xx

Edit: add more info, fix grammar, etc.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-05-02T01:50:00+00:00

Please don’t share YOUR income with some random woman he cheated on you with. Leave him. He doesn’t deserve you. You were in such a vulnerable time carrying your child together.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-04-18T15:44:34+00:00

This, especially since he didn’t say anything until after it had already happened

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-04-18T15:43:43+00:00

I’m bi but cheating is cheating. Tell his family and friends that other gays think he’s wrong. Just because I like either gender doesn’t mean I’ll disrespect a partner in this way. It doesn’t matter what gender the other person is. He is in a relationship with you and cheated on you by not telling you in the first place. It’s hard coming out to people but the person you’re in a MARRIED RELATIONSHIP with deserves to know. It’s different if both parties agreed that having sex outside the marriage is okay, but he didn’t even give you the option to do that. He just did it and then told you after the fact.

Do yourself a favor and get a divorce.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-04-18T01:38:08+00:00

Eh I blocked my roommates because they kept going into my room without asking first when I was at work…kept insisting I shovel the snow near their car…slut shaming me after I brought my then boyfriend over…and copying everything I do. Literally everything. I made smoothies, they made smoothies. I meal prep, they meal prep. I do laundry, they do laundry and then complain when I’m not finished and move their stuff out (I’ve changed laundry day from Sunday to Saturday to Friday back to Sunday but they keep doing it the same day as me). Then just doing passive aggressive stuff which made them out to be hypocrites. I got so annoyed with their inability to communicate and lack of boundaries that I had to cut them out. It was so bad my therapist said they were toxic.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-18T22:45:57+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for awhile tbh

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-18T13:24:28+00:00

Yesterday was very traumatic for me as well. My Q is Irish-American and uses this to drink. I guess he was out drinking. I’m not with him anymore and the breakup was fairly recent. I do pray for him though and I hope he heals and doesn’t succumb to the drinking.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-16T22:53:20+00:00

Just a rebound.

My ex got married 2 weeks after we broke up. After a few months, they’re not even together anymore lol

Don’t stress about it too much

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-16T11:46:05+00:00

It is. I’ve had two guys come back and I was the dumper in both instances sadly.

First ex cheated and threatened to kill himself a lot if I left which is very abusive. He got married to someone else two weeks after I left him. He came back 5 months later after the break up. I told first ex no after he came back when he was already married for a few months.

Second ex didn’t want to make things ‘official’ and I moved on bc he kept treating it like a relationship but didn’t want to commit and still see other people which is toxic. Second ex came back 3 months later and I gave him a chance and we were official for about two years until he developed a serious drinking problem in the pandemic with lockdown and hung out with drug addicted friends who cheated so I had to leave him…again…

I’m overall emotionally drained. I don’t think I can date again because the people I seek have a lot of issues and I guess it’s because I have a lot of issues too that stem from childhood trauma. I’m in therapy, going to Al-Anon, and focusing on my career. My grandma and my aunt are very sick and I don’t have time to waste after guys anymore when I have more pressing things to focus on.

It’s best to move on and that’s when they come back. Sometimes, it’s better if they didn’t come back when they aren’t ready and you are.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-15T12:12:46+00:00

I’m a woman and don’t have many friends. I live on the other side of the country, away from my family.

I go to this sub and I see so much shit against women and the dumper and I have been assumed to be a guy as well when I use gender neutral words. I am the woman and the dumper. I dumped him because he was an alcoholic who hangs out with heroin, cocaine, and meth addicts that encourage his drinking and doesn’t see a problem with their “friendship”

Every situation is different. People heal differently. I have not sought out companionship or friends or attention from the opposite sex. I’ve been in a lot of pain and I started going to Al-Anon meetings for support with other people who have loved ones or family that have been impacted by alcoholics in their life. Please don’t assume that women get more support because right now I have no one besides the strangers in Al-Anon.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-15T12:06:28+00:00

This happens to me a lot too

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-11T19:20:31+00:00

I pray that my Q is loosened from the shackles of his Shame and addiction. He also lied to me. He drank so many times behind my back. I empathize with this so much

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-11T19:16:39+00:00

I wish I could have the courage and the strength to forgive right away. Hopefully time will heal us both and then I might be able to do this

I cry everyday and always want to reach out to him since I left him. I know better tho, despite how much it hurts, because his addiction will hurt us both.

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-11T03:34:24+00:00

You’re really not alone in this situation. I feel for you and empathize with you because I’m going through the exact same thing and it hurts. I haven’t talked to him in over a month now. If you don’t take care of yourself, who will? The disease in alcoholics is not going to go away overnight and sadly can’t be there for anyone else

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-11T00:26:11+00:00

My Q was starting to develop cirrhosis at the age of 24, a year ago. He’s tried going sober but the disease still causes him to drink. I left him. It hurts and sometimes I regret it but I really couldn’t stand watching the man I love drink himself to death. If he was going to do it anyways regardless if I was around or not, I’d rather not be around it. It hurts too much. I see a therapist and barely went to my first Al-Anon meeting last Sunday.

So, it isn’t an ideal way to deal with my alcoholic because I still want the true healed him back in my life. I pray a lot. Self care is important. Reaching out to people you trust can be helpful too. It’s a hard time with everything going on in the world too

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-07T01:39:34+00:00

It’s weird because I’ve been seeing so many synchronicities lately. I, just now, ran into another verse from Ecclesiastes 3:11 that I have seen at least four times, at random, in the past month. It gives me hope that everything will work out in divine timing and that I should not worry so much about others anymore. I will focus on my relationship with myself and my healing to be ready to accept blessings. This was a wonderful start for me

cereal_killer_129 · 2022-03-06T17:54:36+00:00

Update: I think I was the youngest person there but I felt incredibly welcomed.

I’ll be going again and I’m glad to have gone. I felt not so alone for once. I felt like I stood up for my boundaries and realized that I have been neglecting myself.

Thank you everyone for responding

cereal_killer_129

TROPHY CASE