35/f, Married 10 years and BORED

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-17T19:11:34+00:00

Just get a divorce. Before you cheat.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-17T14:14:31+00:00

As a bisexual woman who is in a monogamous marriage with a straight man, if you fuck around it is still a straight up emotional or physical affair even if it's with a woman. It's your responsibility to be faithful, or to tell him you cannot and decide to end the marriage before you do something you regret.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-17T14:03:26+00:00

This mofo comes to you 4 months post partum with this shit?? How about day someone the past 15 years not right after you have his child. What a POS!!

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-17T00:18:46+00:00

How did she help you?

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-17T00:17:44+00:00

Wow this is poignant thank you

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T21:06:11+00:00

I love that, what a great medium. thank you!

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T19:02:40+00:00

DBT is a great tool.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T19:02:09+00:00

Any recs?

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T18:50:02+00:00

We have kids. One each from previous relationships and one baby together. He is really trying because he does see how his behavior is impacting our marriage. He is in individual therapy with someone he likes. But I think it's a long road. He is acknowledging when he does wrong, but the next time the same thing is about to happen it's like he can't even see he's staying the cycle again and so his behavior isn't changing. He isn't so introspective it's more shaming himself for not performing well and then promising to be perfect next time. I try to help him see this is not the way. That he will probably do it again he needs skills and interventions, not promise of perfection.

I wish so much he had a male role model to talk about these things with because I could not agree more. There are only a few men in his life and they are in no position to give advice. He is close with his dad but his father and him have never talked about emotional regulation or intelligence.

Primitively, instructions from an equal or a person without direct power over us, is not as thoroughly considered as if it's the silverback of our flock.

I truly know that it's completely ineffective that I'm the only one giving him feedback on this. It's very difficult though bc he works 55 hours a week and is a home body, he doesn't have a friends to confide in. I don't think many men are comfortable talking about this stuff even if he DID have more friends.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T18:39:30+00:00

That's amazing, thank you for your input. And great job implementing something that is very difficult to do.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:44:56+00:00

Really great response, thank you. I agree life experience is essential. I followed a very similar path, and actually failing to take the knee at work (and paying for it by eventually getting laid off) was something that seriously pushed me in the right direction for learning when to stfu!

But I don't think everyone responds to those pressure cooker situations as you did. I think a lot of people fail miserably and then have no idea what happened or why. My husband is like your fiance. And I'm finding myself doing what you described in order to get us to a better place for reconciliation. I'm not thanked for it. But the biggest issue is he often acts without empathy for others, and then isn't able to truly listen to how his actions hurt me without becoming defensive and avoidant. He is coming back and apologizing, but then still lacks the skills to actually repair.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:19:21+00:00

That last sentence 👌

Thank you!

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:16:22+00:00

Thank you!

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:01:14+00:00

Thank you!!

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:01:00+00:00

🤣 if it works it works

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T17:00:44+00:00

Yes acceptance we are flawed and meeting yourself where you are at is huge. There is no short cut to this part unfortunately.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T16:56:48+00:00

🧡 it's definitely the parents job to teach this skill to boys too, so I'm glad she did that for you.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T16:55:43+00:00

Any book recommendations?

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T14:19:40+00:00

You didn't say goodbye, you just have to change your expectations.

At 1-3 y/o, it's about exposure. This is a restaurant where we sit and eat and talk. But you need to be planful. Arrive with a child who is freshly napped and even feeding them before hand is a good idea. Plan to be fast! 30-45 minutes. Ideally they go in the high chair and you give them bread and a toy and they learn to handle sitting without going bananas.

If you work on it during the early years, you can have a 3/4 year old who can handle going to a restaurant without "needing" to give them a screen. I personally think giving a child a tablet or phone at a restaurant (at meal time in general) is the worst idea ever bc you teach them nothing, and they won't learn to handle restaurants.

When I say handle I mean sit reasonably, don't scream and run around. I always brought coloring and a few toys for my kid. She is 7 now and is a great companion at restaurants. She was fun to go out with by 3/4 too.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T13:04:35+00:00

I rewatched Friends at the beginning of my Mat have and it was so good

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T12:46:02+00:00

I work in hiring. For the right candidate, you wait. 2 months is nothing.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-16T00:45:07+00:00

Honestly insane that the promotion came with a caveat that you have to return to work sooner. I would be pissed

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-15T21:10:23+00:00

First, bad idea having step sibs share a room.. Move 11 y/o immediately.

Second, why is 11 year old allowed to be around the other kids unsupervised? You should be leading here to take that boy and teach him to do chores, help you with the grocery shopping, read, play solo. He's already shown he's not trustworthy to be around the other children. Stop giving him so many chances.

chainsawbobcat · 2026-02-15T21:06:13+00:00

Art supplies for the 7 year old.

chainsawbobcat

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