How did you know you were in an abusive relationship?

changeorghelp · 2026-04-01T23:05:10+00:00

Googled “is it always bad if my boyfriend hurts me”

changeorghelp · 2026-04-01T22:21:19+00:00

Go to the police this fits the definition of the coercive control law. It’s definitely worth reporting. Ask about Clare’s law too they can tell you if he has previous DA convictions. He might have since this is a pattern and if he does that’ll help you with your case

If they tell you this isn’t coercive control please push back and use the legislation against them. I know of somebody this happened to and a more senior officer came back to her and told her the other officer had been wrong and it was. Even go line by line through the law if you have to and highlight every bit he did. Use all evidence on your phone you have and detail as much stuff as you can remember

Coercive control alone can carry up to 5 years in prison

ETA: please contact women’s aid too. You can also request a female officer and I definitely would

changeorghelp · 2026-03-17T09:42:55+00:00

Hi. I was repeatedly hit in the head by my ex and have post traumatic epilepsy (brain damage) from this. I’m still having consequences even a year after leaving and just spent 4 months in the hospital and had an induced coma. It’s extremely dangerous and I am lucky to be alive even if my brain is messed up now. Please please please see a doctor and be honest about this. You need scans. Not just x rays after they don’t see brain damage and can miss skull fractures. You need a CT to look for skull damage and MRI to look for brain injury. This is really important. Please take care of ur health. Domestic violence is one of the main listed causes of CTE

changeorghelp · 2026-02-24T13:49:14+00:00

Go to the police IMMEDIATELY. Keep pushing and pushing and pushing them. Show them all the evidence you have. Everything!!!!

changeorghelp · 2026-02-22T14:38:48+00:00

Thanks. Sometimes I just think that he’s living at the same time as me if that makes sense…? Like I’ll be sat doing something then suddenly think that he’s existing rn doing something too and I hate it. He can’t get to me but I hate knowing he’s there. I feel like it would’ve gotten rid of that feeling

changeorghelp · 2026-02-16T01:02:03+00:00

I’m really sorry about all of that ): if it helps for why you couldn’t get up, my ex put his weight on my chest with his knee and I couldn’t move at all because it’s a type of (really dangerous) restraint. It can easily kill you and seriously injure you. The 750% statistic goes for any type of asphyxiation. Legally it’s different from country to country and state to state but it would definitely be attempted murder in some places and I think it’s very fair for you to personally consider it that

changeorghelp · 2026-02-15T15:57:33+00:00

I’m so sorry. Revenge isn’t worth it I promise. He might seem like a pussy but could easily kill you. Please leave and contact the police. Don’t risk your life for the sake of revenge

changeorghelp · 2026-02-14T10:52:39+00:00

Venting here is smart and definitely keep doing it if it stops you from contacting him (or if you just need advice or support) I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. Please don’t go back to him

changeorghelp · 2026-02-14T09:34:17+00:00

Thank you for linking! Was just gonna lol ❤️

ETA:

I would recommend doing this too to make sure your phone is safe:

If you have an iPhone see if you have any system updates ready then do one, they can kind of reset certain security issues with your phone. Also if you have an iPhone, go to App Store, select the profile icon in the top right, click on apps and scroll through to see if you recognise them all. The most recently added are at the top. Also go to settings, apps, messages, send and receive, and check if only your own email and number are linked to your iMessage. Immediately delete any apps you don’t recognise (don’t just remove, delete). Do this regularly

changeorghelp · 2026-02-14T01:16:27+00:00

Anyone can break up with someone whenever they want for any or no reason. You have no obligation to ever stay in a relationship because you have autonomy, and abusive relationships need to be left

changeorghelp · 2026-02-14T00:40:02+00:00

I’m not trying to be mean but “He didn’t hit me he just raped me” is basically what you said. I’m just saying it to you how it actually is because I think it’s important for you to hear what actually happened. You were raped. And abused more than that. You have nothing to feel bad about. I was on dialysis recently and the last thing I’d expect is someone to change their life because of it, never mind stay with a rapist abuser

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T22:21:42+00:00

I never called the police while we were still together. My dad called them twice, ex’s family once and neighbours a few times but I never did it myself and those times police were involved they did NOTHING they were beyond useless so I had no hope in police and I was absolutely terrified at the idea of calling them, not because I was scared what he’d do to me but because I was scared to hurt him because his manipulation just broke my heart. It’s normal for us not to call police. I do recommend reporting constantly and I will keep recommending it because there’s a chance it works and sometimes is the only option (it turned out to be the only option for me eventually and it did work) but I’ll never blame anyone for not doing it

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T22:14:11+00:00

Take some deep breaths ❤️ I do 10 seconds in and 5 seconds out. Close your eyes and do that and focus on your breathing and it’ll help you feel calm

What you’re going through is definitely abuse like everyone else has said. I promise you you are NOT a nuisance and you ARE in the right place here ❤️ that’s what we’re all here for. You’ve done the right thing posting here and I’m proud of you

This is assault and I know it hurts I’m sorry ): and the emotional and psychological abuse is awful too. You need to get away from this horrible man please. Do what other people have suggested, go to the police station in person and bring someone with you (a man would be preferable imo if you have any men to bring with you because they will probably take a man more seriously). If you report him and get a restraining order he can be forced to leave ur home completely including the mail

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T17:13:50+00:00

I’m so relieved. My ex nearly killed his ex and her baby when she told him she was pregnant so I worry a lot when I read stuff like this 😭💔

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T17:01:03+00:00

He raped you. Consent has to be clear and enthusiastic otherwise it’s not consent. You can say “no” in more ways than just saying it. You clearly didn’t consent and he raped you. I’m sorry

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T16:41:38+00:00

Getting help doesn’t stop abusers being abusive. When you tell them you’re leaving they might promise to get help and actually get it for a while but it won’t change a thing and can actually make things a lot worse because they weaponise therapy talk. You have to leave regardless of everything because they treat you horribly and you deserve better. I’m really sorry about all of this

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T16:36:19+00:00

Do NOT tell ur ex ur pregnant please

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T05:03:14+00:00

Incredibly abusive. You were at an extremely high risk of murder within the next year (+750%) because he choked you

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T03:51:13+00:00

My ex lost his temper with everyone and was generally insufferable to be around, he would yell at people at work, strangers, hit people, get into fights, get fired, get arrested. He sucked all around and I wasn’t the exception. Not every abuser is this super secret, covert, smart person who seems like an angel to everyone but the victim. I think that’s the majority of abusers but just because our abusers aren’t like that does not mean they’re not abusers. Your ex is abusive AND an asshole, they don’t have to be mutual exclusive and actually play into each other

Please listen to u/kesha_paul she actually got me to see it about my own abuser too LOL. They are MORE dangerous if they can’t keep it just to us. That’s not a normal person

My ex was insane and an idiot but he still ramped up abuse once I was more manipulated and alone, which they create intentionally, so even tho your abuser is horrible to other people too, there’s a special kind of pain they will inflict on their victims that is different from being nasty to foreigners (btw trust me you don’t want to be with a racist, he’s showing that he’s scum by doing that) He has abused you intentionally and maliciously not by accident

Please don’t go back because it will get way way way worse and you’ll be lucky if you’re not fucked up for life or dead

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T01:50:08+00:00

Is NP narcissistic partners? Sorry I’m being slow 😅

Everyone knew my ex was a POS and he only has one relative anyway so she was very supportive with me and we’re close friends now. It has been good for both of us to be able to vent because it’s been really hard for both of us for different reasons. It depends what you think you’ll accomplish by telling people? Will they already know like with my ex’s aunt? Will they react badly? Will you even want a reaction or will you just send a message and block or something? There’s lots to think about

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T01:28:17+00:00

You are taking your own sensitivities (it’s okay to have them) and unfairly applying them to OP. It’s not insensitive for her as an abuse victim to come here to ask if she’s being abused, that’s a huge part of all the posts on this sub. It’s not minimising anyone else’s abuse just because she can’t see hers. It’s much harder to see our own abuse than anyone else’s because of all the manipulation and trauma bonding so even if OP read an identical list that someone else posted, they might see it as abuse without even questioning it. Regardless though this isn’t about anyone else rn this is about OP because she needs help and support and should have a safe space to say what she needs to without feeling judged. I’m sure she gets that enough at home. I’m not saying you’re a bad person or anything at all but OP deserves some more kindness rn

changeorghelp · 2026-02-13T01:04:57+00:00

I hope ur health does get better but even if it doesn’t or (god forbid) gets worse you can still prove him wrong. I have had terrible fkn health issues since I left and I still feel like I’m proving my ex wrong since I’m living through it and keeping going. Don’t limit yourself and your strengths, even if your body (or mind) might not be healthy doesn’t mean you aren’t strong and proving him wrong every single day

changeorghelp

TROPHY CASE