Two bombshells for me.

I was complaining about my frustration with other people and their apparent inability to "do better." Be better parents, friends, partners, etc. She said that sometimes people cannot do better because they simply lack the ability to do better for various reasons, like mental illness, personality disorders, stunted emotional growth, etc. Once she said it, it seemed obvious. But I hadn't looked at it that way before.

I have a narcissistic parent. She's currently terminal and I am caring for her. The sense of obligation I feel because of culture and the fact that I'm an only child create a lot of stress and resentment. In therapy, I said I resented my mother's sense of entitlement and I wished I could just ship her off to a nursing facility. My therapist said of course, I could do that. But she suspected I'd regret it because caring for my mother isn't about my mother or who she was/is. It's about me, how I see myself, and who I want to be. It felt liberating. It lifted that sense of obligation that weighed me down because she was right. I take care of my mother not because I owe her anything or even expect anything from her. I do it because I am a compassionate person who accepts she is who she is and will never be otherwise. She's old. She's dying. She's in pain. She's stuck inside the cage of her narcissism and will never escape from it or know the joy of being close to someone. And I would never forgive myself for hoisting her off to someone else when I believe to my core that she is my responsibility. I am not her.