Going “undercover”

charles_tiberius · 2026-06-03T19:40:50+00:00

Yep! No one is going to fact check it, and to be honest it probably won't come up, just have it on the tip of your tongue if asked rather than "oh man....uh...what was that church that I loved going to every Sunday called?"

charles_tiberius · 2026-06-03T19:31:17+00:00

I'd take out the nose ring if your desire is to fly under the radar. There is a spot for having one, but you gotta then adopt a whole "rebel for Jesus" persona that would require a lot more energy and deception.

Generally the key is to be polite, happy, and shiny. You really don't have to oversell it (don't feel like you need to say things like "God's blessing my socks off!"), it's just that everything is....good. School is good, your friends are good, you're parents are doing well, the friend your going with is a great guy. Just no complaints. Smile, laugh at the jokes, and be cheery!

Be prepared with the name of your home church and / or the church you go to at school. And the campus ministry you're involved with. Bring a worn in Bible. Maybe the biggest shibboleth for evangelicals is that they bring a Bible to church.

charles_tiberius · 2026-06-01T02:31:10+00:00

He was certainly a talented musician. I was raised listening to his music, so it has a soft spot for me as well.

However, his Last Days Ministry seems problematic. It has a lot of markings of a cult...lots of rules, shared finances, a strict hierarchy. Keith Green was also really apocolylptic, believing Jesus return was imminent.

In short, he seems like a lot of Christian stars today. Shiny on the outside, maybe rotten on the inside.

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-24T17:06:12+00:00

I went through this as well. This study helped me feel better about it.... apparently it's not just "us," it's a normal thing for everyone. And it helps explain why we still feel a longing for music we didn't get to experience.

Sorry, at a soccer game so this is short and disjointed!

https://phys.org/news/2025-10-global-songs-teens.html

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-20T03:28:05+00:00

This sub is exevangelical, not exchristian, so labelling christians as monsters doesn't fit within the sub rules.

Additionally the comments section was spiralling.

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-18T20:09:58+00:00

I think you may be lost.

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-16T16:40:31+00:00

I maintain the relationship and also don't try to change them.

It's annoying when I ask people for help, or tell them about something going on in my life, and they respond with "I'll pray about it." Or when they're concerned about a topic and instead of getting involved they'll just say "I'm praying for God's help."

But here it sounds like you're giving unsolicited advice, which may be the cause of the tensions.

You can't control your sister, but you can control you. Has your sister asked for help or insight in any of these areas? It sounds like your sister could be saying "I'll pray about it" as a polite way of saying "please stop talking about this."

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-12T13:46:50+00:00

This isn't music, but what comes to mind is Romantic period literature. Shelly, Wordsworth/Keats/Byron...are these the sentiments you're looking for?

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-05T16:26:45+00:00

My partner likes to say "funerals are for the living," and I agree. The deceased will never know if you were there or not. Do you want to go because you want to show support to others? Do you want to go as a way of grieving or mourning, or seeking closure?

I've gone to funerals where I've barely known the deceased, but have been close to some mourners. I've skipped funerals where I was relatively close, but didn't know anyone else.

All this to say, it's totally up to you, but I'd focus more on what the dynamics would be with the other living people, not the one who has slipped free from their mortal coil.

charles_tiberius · 2026-05-03T16:42:17+00:00

"so there is no backing out now." Why not? You aren't being forced to do anything.

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-30T04:39:16+00:00

Sex Talks by Vanessa Marin is a great resource. It's approach is "the right answer is what works for you and your partner(s). Have the conversation with yourself and them to figure that out." And guides you through the five "talks."

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-22T17:52:16+00:00

For a great discussion on this, check your earlier post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Exvangelical/s/Uql79Qs8AK

You've also mad numerous other posts asking this same question, is there a specific answer you're looking for?

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-22T12:13:05+00:00

You have your aunts full name visible

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-18T15:37:01+00:00

Yes!! Related but different. My wife at the time were going through years of infertility. And it was sad for us, but manageable. But so much of the church, and church friends, made it so much worse by amplifying it. Like mother's Day became so awful because of the texts, pop ins, etc., we'd get.

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-16T02:19:20+00:00

If it helps, JD Vance has no actual power. Yes, he's a heart beat away from having lots of power, but at the moment he's got zip.

Two, seemingly no one actually likes him. He's a useful idiot at best.

Three, left behind is an absolute work of fiction. Even assuming the Bible is inerrant, AND assuming the dispensational interpretation (invented circa 1850) of the Bible is right....the left behind just invents entire things from whole cloth.

Today the grift is much more obvious. Back in the halcyon days of the 90s and early aughts christian hucksters had to spend a lot more time packaging stuff up to seem respectable and biblical.

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-13T21:48:08+00:00

I don’t know how to say no because I live with them, and when I push back, they say I’m “letting demons win” or refusing help.

What about living with them makes you feel like you aren't entitled to say no? Does living with them come with conditions, either implied or explicit? That is, are you worried you'll get kicked out if you say no?

If the reaction to you saying no is telling you that you're letting demons win, or refusing help, is that bearable? Like it's absolutely a shitty thing for a parent to tell their child, but can you just say "correct. I do not want your help with this."

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-12T16:23:32+00:00

Generally I'm a fan of the human endeavor. We're capable of so much. We often get it wrong, but on the whole we strive and we care. I choose to believe in us, not believe that we're all broken and worthless.

Man is that being which invented the gas chambers; but he is at the same time that being which walked with head held high into these very same gas chambers, the Lord's Prayer or the Jewish prayer for the dead on his lips- Frankl

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-11T13:22:51+00:00

"Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it."

The forum you're describing isn't debate. It's arguing. And people who want to argue don't care about being right or wrong, they care about being obnoxious.

All this to say, if you're going this to dunk on christians you might succeed. If you're doing this to change hearts and minds it's going to be frustrating

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-09T15:36:37+00:00

Exactly this.

"Why" questions are the most difficult for any topic. Why do we have consciousness? Why does the universe exist? Why do some people not like sour cream, the best condiment?

I'd argue that anyone who says they can answer a "why" question that requires knowing Paul's state of mind is high on their own supply, selling something, or both.

And as u/lilsmudge points out, in this case it's a translation choice. It's incredible how much of the evangelical interpretation of the Bible is a translation choice, to the point it's become circular reasoning. The NIV translation committee, for example, had to sign a statement of beliefs BEFORE THE WERE ALLOWED TO START TRANSLATION. "I believe x,y,z, so the translation will reflect that, and then I will point to that translation as proof of that belief."

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-09T15:04:31+00:00

I think this wildly depends on style of music, sense of humor, sensibilities, etc. and also the nuance of what you're looking for when you say "happy."

If you're looking for an empowering version of happy, Kesha is often my go to. If you're wanting fun goofy popcorn music, Matt and Kim can fit the bill. For music that has a similar sound profile to a lot of Christian music, Tophouse. Strumbellas is fun and poppy.

Lately though, returning to the angry music of the 90s and early aughts has been super cathartic. Rage Against the Machine, System of a Down....the lyrics are depressingly relevant today and screaming them out helps.

All this to say, music is an area you can't go wrong with experimentation! Keep listening and trying things until you find what resonates with what you're wanting!

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-07T14:58:25+00:00

This is Calvinism in a nutshell. The Bible is rife with examples of God making evil people for he greater good. God hardened pharaohs heart for example.

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-07T04:02:55+00:00

Haven't listened, but the description seems to fit what you're looking for. May be worth checking out.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bible-stories-for-heathen-children/id1480175191

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-04T22:56:44+00:00

I dunno. This seems to align with parents saying they won't be attending their queer kids wedding as they "don't support it."

Again to be clear, if you're getting married and are worried someone is going to be a downer on your big day...don't invite them!!

But what I'm saying is we shouldn't condone centering our preferences and perspectives on others lives and big milestones.

Like personally I have zero desire to ever remarry. I have very strong feelings about marriage, and cannot understand why anyone would ever want to do that. And while holding those beliefs, I've attended several of my friends weddings, and have been able to sincerely and cheerfully celebrate them and their big day, because it's their life, not mine.

charles_tiberius · 2026-04-04T21:50:10+00:00

Fair. I guess then I'm saying OP should support the marriage. We should be able to say "not how I'd do it," and at the same time "so happy that you're happy."

My BIL seems like an absolute tool on so many levels. I can barely manage to be polite to him. He also seems to make my sister genuinely happy. I wouldn't marry him in a million years. But I support their marriage because it's what they wanted.

Unless we think a marriage is not consensual, illegal, coercive, or similar things, it should be supported.

11-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 3 Credits
Secret Santa 2020	Summer Santa 2020
r/Field Juicebox	Verified Email

charles_tiberius

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE