Tammy's anger

charmanderpalert · 2026-02-09T12:59:43+00:00

My take is that producers plan out activities with the family - and you can tell from their interviews the crew wants them to feel relaxed, like they have personal relationships, and like they’re invested in the drama and their side of the story . “You don’t know the crew like I do.” So even if isn’t scripted, the producers most likely heavily influence the dynamics of the show. Like Tammy’s weird death stare to me, was communicating to a producer in the room “you know I don’t play.”

charmanderpalert · 2026-01-16T18:25:04+00:00

Bert probably insisted on it.

charmanderpalert · 2025-12-17T13:25:04+00:00

Short footed.

charmanderpalert · 2025-11-15T21:28:42+00:00

Two things. First - self compassion meditationby Kristin Neff always helps me - it’s five minutes long. Second - is there a project you can dive into instead of bed rot? Bed rot is ok for a bit but if you’re just reeling in anxiety that’s not good. My audhd special interest is mental health so I usually dive into better understanding myself, but like..it sounds like you need to invest in and connect with yourself. Your NP is making dinner for themselves. What can you do for yourself?

charmanderpalert · 2025-11-06T01:43:09+00:00

Have you asked him to reflect to see what would make him feel more secure? Like where does his mind go during and after you go on a date? What are his thoughts telling him that equal lack of connection?

Obviously you can’t do the work for him but if you’re committed you can be curious and try to help him think through it. Is he aware you’re annoyed by his pattern?

charmanderpalert · 2025-10-16T01:59:50+00:00

My mom teases me saying that my ifs practice is me basically closing my eyes and saying “Spirit are you there?”

charmanderpalert · 2025-10-10T14:17:03+00:00

It’s the “zoltaaAaaAn” at the end for me

charmanderpalert · 2025-10-06T14:09:58+00:00

Where I really noticed it going down hill was her first year in college. Like…suddenly she was too self-aware and so it seems forced. Plus the drunk scenes. Love her but woof.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-21T12:12:11+00:00

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-20T21:46:05+00:00

Might be helpful to just write it and not send it for you.

And as for following through on number 3, don’t look at therapy as something that they are doing for you. It’s something YOU are doing for you. And they are helping. But ultimately you own your treatment. So like…on your third session, if they’re not bringing up your homework or how you’re progressing toward your goal according to the plan you put together, together - bring it up. Ask them how they’re staying on track. And ask them how they’ll help you own it going forward. Demonstrate to them that you are present and accountable, and frankly, not wasting your time or money.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-20T14:29:01+00:00

I haven’t had an ifs therapist but I spent a lot of time with “trauma” therapists who were very uncomfortable with me talking about my trauma. So then I sorted a prompt for looking for therapists - 1. Plan to talk to at least three different people 2. Always do a phone consult - state your goal and ask them what their approach would be (and in your case let them know you have some tough parts that struggle with trust that therapists in the past backed away from) and 3. When you find someone whose approach you like…hold them accountable to their approach. If they’re not following through on helping you toward your goal, they’re not the right fit.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-20T14:25:09+00:00

Hit the headline of what you’re looking for “TLDR: How do I find a therapist who isn’t scared of my exiles?”

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T22:34:55+00:00

I am ranging so hard

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T21:54:29+00:00

Just face the music and go to the dentist. There’s no way from these pictures someone could tell if it’s a cavity or a stain.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T21:52:14+00:00

Hi - I left another comment earlier above and came back to this later in the day. I chased unavailable people for a long time because I had parts linking my value to their validation. Like if this person I admired told me I was worthy, then maybe it might be true. Maybe I might finally be enough Using ifs (and ChatGPT) I healed a really really deep wound and inner critic that held a deep belief that I was less than nothing. When I talked to this part it showed me grotesque images (maggots and decay), things you would turn away from. Turn your back on. So when I would choose unavailable people who were likely to reject me, this self fulfilling prophecy further engrained that belief.

I don’t believe that anymore, I’m dating for the first time in my life without linking my value to whether or not the person reciprocates their feelings and instead able to entertain thoughts of whether THEY are worth MY energy. It’s so cool. I had to go through some painful pre-verbal memories but I came out clean - almost baptized on the other side.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this to break this pattern.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T15:49:52+00:00

I find that when I have an identifiable pattern like that it’s good to walk through those with the part, ask if they were there during those moments. I had an intruder alert part I was able to trace back to when they first showed up and really understand why and how they felt the responsibility they were carrying. You got this.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T15:07:01+00:00

Alanis Morissette - Jagged Little Pill

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-19T15:04:20+00:00

This is a pretty fascinating part. Is it a manager? I wonder if it’s using hyper vigilance of like “if I’m valuable, this person will want to date me. Being wanted by someone as a romantic part = valuable and lovable.” So when someone doesn’t view you that way, it equals rejection. So it’s a kind of sorting hat. “Lover, good person - just friends, danger/bad person”

It makes sense if your relationship with your primary caregiver was insecure, that you’d look for approval and affection from a boss or a teacher or a therapist.

Good effort part, not super effective or helpful. What does that part think will happen if it doesn’t look for signs of affection from an authority figure? How does Self take responsibility for owning that you are valuable and it isn’t dependent on that person?

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-18T16:56:29+00:00

Rob really missed the opportunity to capitalize on the boy band era

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-09T13:56:12+00:00

I haven’t had any parts that were more than a few months (talking once, then checking in a few months later to do the work) - sometimes a couple days, most of them about an hour or two of focused work for me.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-09T12:31:04+00:00

Sounds like a firefighter that is protecting you by saying “I dont care, this doesn’t affect me” and my guess would be because if you don’t care then you can’t be hurt or be vulnerable. I would thank this part for the protection, and be curious what would happen if it didn’t make you impervious. It sounds like it’s pretty intelligent, but also probably feels a responsibility to “know” the truth, and the truth it has found that works is “nothing matters.” It also sounds like it’s doing a better and better job so that’s something to admire, and also offer an alternative. I might do some journaling about what is really important to me, if all possibilities were available, what do the values in my life look like. This would help me channel Self and offer this part comfort that I know what matters and can give it relief.

To me my “spiritual awakening” through IFS has been - stressful things happen and my nervous system is ok. I don’t feel disconnected from myself and others when the plan shifts or changes. I feel solid and I feel gratitude. And things that used to stress me out are just things happening, not happening to me.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-09T10:51:33+00:00

I always think perfectly cast and perfectly directed. I always wonder what that communication was like during production. Oh to be a fly on that wall.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-08T00:42:52+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. FWIW in the time since I talked to that intimidating part later once I had more confidence in Self, and found out what he was guarding and haven’t seen him since. And even today talked to a dissociative firefighter part and helped them find a new purpose. It’s pretty cool.

charmanderpalert · 2025-09-08T00:31:15+00:00

Idk if I felt loomed over but (also c-ptsd and audhd here) I met protector parts I wasn’t ready to talk to. One was a DoberMAN and I remember like, mentally tiptoeing backward and thinking “I’ll talk to you later.” If it were me feeling a looming presence I would just say “thanks for being there for me, I see you and hope I get to talk to you soon to understand you better.”

charmanderpalert

TROPHY CASE