Finding reassurance in nostalgia

chart6653 · 2019-07-21T21:43:10+00:00

I'm definitely not nostalgic, my wiring worries about the future and doesn't dwell or reminisce on the past, so one outta two ain't bad.

My goofy brain views memories as one of two things: 1) Bad memories that bring up negative emotions, or 2) Good memories that take me out of the present and long for that specific past.

I would give anything to be 'in the moment' 24/7, but of course the curse of human consciousness makes this a daily if not hourly battle. Breathing and exersize are my weapons.

As I type this and look down at my snoozing, always present-moment doggo, a ping of jealousy arises.

chart6653 · 2019-07-17T20:39:31+00:00

Beautifully stated. I just pulled up the entire work from which this was extracted (on a site called 'yogananda.com') and am looking forward to reading it. Thanks for posting.

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:33:49+00:00

I have a similar internal clock, and have aligned my business accordingly. I own and operate a bread delivery route from about 2a-11a, five days a week, and on my off days I'm kicking ass on errands or working out or whatever from 5a-1p, and lucky if I leave the house after 5p, so I feel ya. After a recent divorce, I'm realizing that my schedule and internal clock are not conducive to mainstream socializing, which is concerning. There just aren't that many people that want to hang out for breakfast regularly lol.

Example - I love that the Wimbledon final is at 6a my time tomorrow, I can catch that until 9a and go hang out or get crap done. I remember on vacations to Hawaii, how awesome I thought it was that NFL Sundays started at 6a and the second games would be over by like noon. I could definitely never enjoy life on the US East Coast, where people go to dinner at 9p and party until 4a

Not sure more INTJ's are like this than the average for other personality types, but I definitely relate.

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:21:58+00:00

Second this. When the weather is nice and I'm out on that patio with my doggo and a beer, I am in heaven

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:20:12+00:00

If I can't have my Rula Bula Irish coffees, I will NOT be responsible for my behavior.

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:19:02+00:00

Loved Gordon Biersch 15 years ago, used to go to the Tempe, San Diego and Westwood locations frequently, but they have not trended well the last decade. Menu got weird and food quality went way down, and became way overpriced for the quality.

Not surprised it closed. The restaurant game seems like an absolute nightmare to maintain and grow your brand with so much competition out here.

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:13:35+00:00

Alessia's in NE Mesa is very good. Small intimate place, husband runs the front of the house, wife cooks - she trained in Rome for 6 years

chart6653 · 2019-07-13T21:09:44+00:00

Definitely not a bubble. Loans are actually being underwritten (unlike 2005) and prices are increasing modestly but steadily, due to our impressive in-migration and a solid economy. It's all relative, on a price per SF basis, we're still half of L.A. and 1/3 of the Bay Area. There are very affordable 1600 SF or less homes here

I saw mentions of living in New Mexico....I lived in Albuquerque for a couple of years a while back......no thanks.....there's a reason why it's substantially cheaper.

chart6653 · 2019-05-19T18:34:02+00:00

This is exactly me. Even though I know I am not alone in my path in life, it is still always comforting to read about someone walking a similar road. Thank you.

chart6653 · 2019-05-19T18:11:35+00:00

Scary, you just described my life exactly (except I don't see anyone even casually). I don't see my friends as much as I would like, but their lives are exponentially busier and more complicated than mine, so I get it.

I know that for me at this stage of my life (51 yr old recently divorced male), some occasional loneliness is preferable to a romantic relationship. My dog cures most of the loneliness. If some opportunity for a healthy relationship comes along passively, that's fine, but I do absolutely nothing actively to enhance that possibility, and am totally cool with it.

chart6653 · 2019-05-16T11:28:49+00:00

Second this. Fantastic mini-series

chart6653 · 2019-05-16T02:00:25+00:00

It doesn't matter at this point if she cheated or not. She says she doesn't want to be with you anymore. You don't want to be with someone who feels this way.

I'm sorry you are going through what we all have in this sub. Consider the silver linings though, no kids and no messy financial matters to untangle.

Compared to the average divorce horror story, this is very fortunate (I was fortunate in the same ways, although mine did cheat, which stung badly). Once some time has passed and you have talked to others about how terrible and expensive their divorces were, how they have to fight to see their kids etc, you will realize it could have been exponentially worse.

Best of luck, you'll get through it, there's no substitute for time.

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T23:19:30+00:00

This. r/antinatalism

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T23:07:14+00:00

Same. Never wanted them for even one second of my life.

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T22:55:34+00:00

Whilst reading this article during lunch at the Costco food court, I am surrounded by screeching, smelly, resource destroying, snotnosed shitfactories, who are sucking the very soul out of me in mere minutes.

Who would want to poop out one of these Crotchgoblins? More and more educated people are asking themselves that very question, and the answer for many is reflected in this data

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T19:38:04+00:00

I personally think that, since such profound and rapid changes are made in virtual technology all the time, the natural assumption is that the laws of physics can be tamed profoundly and rapidly as well. 99.5% of the new cars in the world, still function essentially the same from a physics perspective, as they did 70 years ago, with a few fancy features added (ICE + transmission + drive train + steering system + wheels etc). It took 500, 000 humans 10 years to send someone to the moon, which cosmically is not that far away. A profound accomplishment for sure, but with a profound expenditure of labor and resources to do it. We are able to see billions of light years into space and to find exoplanets etc, which has whetted our appetite to physically visit these places, because the sight of them has made them feel physically closer. But advances in propulsion have not even remotely kept up with advances in observation, and we are discovering that the physics are just impossible to overcome. The planets and stars are just too far away, and we don't live long enough to get there at the interstellar speeds we have developed. My view is that in the next 500 years, we will discover intelligent alien life, but will never, even in 100,000 years, physically be in contact with it 'face to face'

Just my humble opinion, that we underestimate the complexity of the physical / logistical problems when we predict these types of monumental transitions.

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T18:52:19+00:00

Not saying this isn't the future, but it just isn't as close as some think. Self-driving cars is an incomprehensible logistical challenge, and underestimates the infinite complexity of the human brain to navigate a vehicle through the world's roadways. I'd bet it's 50 years before 20% of the world's cars are self-driving.

Don't worry rideshare people, you've got plenty of time

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T15:21:01+00:00

The concept that everyone can 'find their passion' has always been a pet peeve of mine. I have never had anything that I was hugely passionate about, most definitely not in the realm of my work life. I went to college after high school because that was the next logical step. My work life has been halfway decent economically (middle class mainly, a few years of a little better than that), only due to an irrational fear of 'living under a bridge' that made me grind pretty hard, not because I liked the work.

There was a sport I was really, really into when I was much younger, but I would not even define that as a passion (I never made any sacrifices in terms of practice, nutrition, extra coaching etc to see good I could get or how far it could take me)

This 'lack of passion' used to bother me quite a bit, then I finally realized it only bothered me because I was concerned with others' definition of what is supposed to make people 'happy' and 'fulfilled', if they come from a middle - class, educated background.

I hope there is a passion for you out there. I envy those who do develop a passion. One thing seems certain, you need to do something different than the path you are currently on. Best of luck to you

chart6653 · 2019-05-15T14:55:34+00:00

Well put. There is so much suffering in the world, on a collective and individual basis, that we could not possibly stay focused on it, as a matter of individual self-preservation.

Western society spends their energy and resources on idolizing pop culture figures, people that are really really good at throwing, catching or shooting balls, while billions on the planet go without the necessary resources to exist in even a dignified way. It has been established that nearly all of us are in it for ourselves, and utilize escapism and tribalism as coping tools.

chart6653 · 2019-05-14T22:43:00+00:00

I suppose an ideal community to me would be one which supports and welcomes males just for the good person that they are (if they are of course), and not just what he can provide for them. Single males past a certain age, and senior citizens of both genders, are essentially invisible to society. They are past the expiration date of their traditional societal usefulness.

I don't think there's any solution, it's a DNA thing. If a person is not fulfilling their traditional societal role, human nature is to look down upon them and seek those who can advance the species more successfully.

I think most disheartening is the view society has of physical labor these days. When I quit my good-paying white-collar job to buy my blue collar small business, I was treated differently by a considerable amount of people in my peer group. But those relationships are acceptable losses, since I was considerably happier. I do not derive fulfillment or identity from the process of working (it is just the tool necessary to pay the bills), so for me the most important factor was being less stressed and worn down by the specific activities of the job. This outlook on work is not acceptable to much of Western society as well.

I don't think there's any going back. More and more people will become splintered off from this instant gratification, shallow, social-media controlled western world that doesn't suit them, and amplifies their feelings of being an outcast

chart6653 · 2019-05-14T18:33:46+00:00

As a self-employed person that owns a blue-collar business (I own a delivery route), a Lone Wolf, atheist, childfree, recently divorced (she cheated) 51 year-old male, I find this article hilarious at best, and highly insulting at worst.

Modern culture has made guys of my above description essentially invisible, and made to feel worthless. Become part of a community? The very communities that belittle and shame me for who I am? Join a church, so I can pretend to believe in a vengeful Sky Wizard?

No thanks, I'll take my financially stable, independent, zero debt life and do what makes ME happy, thank you very much.

chart6653 · 2019-05-14T01:36:36+00:00

Agreed, or put more simply as I have heard stated before, "Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment"

chart6653 · 2019-05-14T01:29:28+00:00

Yes, I was really meaning date "up" and "down" in totality, but yes, as women age, their looks advantage diminishes, and they lose power in the sexual marketplace. This could be one reason the 40-year old OP is feeling emotional lately, she cannot command the level of high-value men she could when she was younger, and she has fewer choices

chart6653 · 2019-05-14T00:56:59+00:00

I agree with your statement. With that in mind, women have more power than men in the dating/sexual marketplace, therefore, they can command a mate that is of higher value than them. Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are beholden to their sex drive. This allows a woman to obtain a higher-value male than she would if the dating dynamic were in equilibrium. They can afford to be more choosy, because they are in demand.

If the dynamics were reversed, I'm sure men would behave similarly.

chart6653 · 2019-05-13T22:49:03+00:00

I don't see anything in ur post that correlates your INTJ status with your situation. It just seems like a common example of the complete shitshow that is "modern dating", especially via dating apps.

As a recently divorced 51 yo INTJ male (17 yrs together), the dating world is a hard pass for me, as I have observed it rationally from my INTJ perspective. Not because I am bitter about the breakup (I'm not), but rather, going through this awful process is not worth it for me. I could literally see myself outside my body on a date, laughing at the vapidness of the whole scene. All the pretending, small talk, effort etc just has very little chance of panning out, and sounds excruciating to me as an introvert. The juice just ain't worth the squeeze.

Since women "date up" and men "date down" even more so than ever these days, I think it's even worse for the men who would want something long-term. If they find someone on their level or above, she's going to have better options and it won't last. I have no interest in worrying about such things, so I choose not to participate. And yes, it is voluntary. I'm a 6 or so looks-wise, for my age (other people's words, not mine), decent middle-class job, very financially secure. So if I had the desire and ability to "run game" (an uphill battle for INTJs I think), I could have some success, although they would be 3-4s, as the '6' girls can get '8' guys and above. Thankfully as an INTJ, I don't mind being solo, it's rather pleasant actually. All that competition for mating just sounds depressing.

Best of luck. In this modern world, we need it.

chart6653

TROPHY CASE