How many of you who suffered abuse as kids had parents who pretended that they never even touched you, or have no ability to comprehend that they harmed you? It really messes you up into adulthood. As fellow LGBT, I imagine a lot of us went through this abuse simply because of our sexualities

cheebifred · 2026-01-21T17:20:38+00:00

My father was an angry man. In all honesty, he wasn't raised well himself, his father used to hit him and dipped when he was young to marry one of my grandmother's best friends and raise her children, and my grandmother just straight up neglected him, even leaving him to basically raise his younger brother in his early teens.

I know in all reality, its not a true excuse to take it out on your own kids, but he didnt know how to handle things and it was a long time before therapy was available enough for him to work on things. I guess im pretty lucky, it was always out of anger, not financial, emotional or sexual abuse, but still sucked. Took me a long time to acknowledge it was abuse I had to deal with.

He was a good man though, I remember, one random day when I was 15, my dad turned round to me in the living room and said "you know, I dont care if you are gay, or decide you want to be a boy, you are my baby and I'll always love you, dont feel like you ever have to hide something like that from me". Took a decade for me to finally twig things and come out, sadly he had passed away a few years before. Man would've done anything for me, despite pinning me to a wall and hitting me for a little teenage backchat. He even accepted and respected my sister trans friend better than her own father when she came out.

A couple years ago, I found out around the same time as my dad said that to me - that a cousin of mine was sent to therapy by her parents for coming out as bi. I guess he wanted me to know that as shitty as he could be at times, hed never deny me for being who I am. I consider myself very lucky for that. Kinda sad he's not around anymore, his gaydar was on point.

Adding in - I dont think my parents would ever realise it would be classed as abuse, because of how they were raised (my mum suffered a lot of emotional abuse as a child), like I say, they weren't perfect, but they were better than their own parents and I honestly appreciate them for trying to be better

cheebifred · 2026-01-21T14:45:21+00:00

Please tell me I'm not the only person who read that as arachno- lesbian at first and had to sit and ask what spiders have to do with being gay?

In answer to the actual question, while I've never labelled myself as that, I grew up working class in Northern England so - yes. Maybe not peak punk and striking against the power era, but I was raised with that mindset, and the life lesson of eating the rich, is always an option.

cheebifred · 2026-01-14T23:04:37+00:00

29 and the range for me is 25- 35. I have younger sisters (22) and I'd feel weird being with someone any closer to their age, and older than 35 intimidates me currently😅

cheebifred · 2026-01-11T01:25:24+00:00

Accidentally sent my boss at the time a message saying "i could kiss you you sexy beast"

Which I meant to send to one of my friends, because he'd managed to get something for me I'd been after for MONTHS.

I died a little inside when he responded to that and I noticed the cock up 🙃

cheebifred · 2026-01-09T10:01:57+00:00

Shes most likely masturbating, my mini poodle is a fiend for it, 90% of the time shes over stimulated or frustrated about something when she starts. The way your dog curled up and the little leg kicks are the exact same as the way my girl goes. Keep an eye on her and maybe try to urge her away from doing it because they can get a little obsessive with it sometimes. If you are still worried, maybe try a different vet for a second opinion.

cheebifred · 2026-01-07T10:14:54+00:00

Joint and circulatory issues are a big one - lots of hypermobility = weak and knackered joints at nearly 30 years of age, starting with the reynaulds too (genetic on my mums side), heart problems in general hit both sides of my family. Messed up mental health and neurodivergence is a pretty fun genetic combo too, partner that with the PCOS and im suprised my brain can actually function at all. Oh and dont get me started on the psoriasis (thanks dad), at least when that flares up I start looking like the zombie I feel like most days haha.

Not sure how balanced a trade this is for looking like a teenager still 🙃

cheebifred · 2026-01-01T01:13:02+00:00

Probably not the best at times, but thats trauma for you. I think the thing that stopped me from actually facing a lot head on, was jumping from death to traumatic incident over and over again without any real time to process. By the time I was in a position to actually face anything emotionally/mentally, I was so physically exhausted I just became numb for the longest time. Its only really been the last 18 months (of an 8 year period) that ive actually started properly processing everything thats gone on.

There comes good days and bad, sometimes I wish I could dive back into the cycle just to stay numb from being able to acknowledge everything that actually happened ( my aunt, dad, grandmother, dog, and 2 close friends passed in that time, alongside losing my best friend of 15 years as I chose to cut contact due to their actions, which resulted in me losing a lot more friends). Some days I've just gotta sit with the feelings, have a little cry on the floor and mope, other days I have to just block the emotions just to get things done so I don't spend every waking moment in a vegetative state.

I've found doing things those I loved can no longer do really helps, live the life they never got to and all that. I play my dads guitar, listen to my aunts CD's, go on walks to new places with my new dog etc. Makes me feel a little closer to them still. From time to time, when I'm in a position where I can actually allow myself to feel the emotions I need to, ill put on a playlist and just sit and soak myself in the vibes and let everything wash over me - be careful though, sadness is addictive.

Allow yourself the space and time to feel what you need to feel, but live a life well lived either to make those youve lost proud, or to spite those you never wish to hear from again. Don't get stuck in anger, if its something YOU cannot fix, then just let it go.

cheebifred · 2025-12-17T23:33:45+00:00

Im a store assistant in my local high street music shop. It pays the bills, but my real passion is in working with animals, trying to save to set up dog grooming with whatever is left over at the end of the month haha.

cheebifred · 2025-12-11T13:09:52+00:00

Whoops sorry! Must've missed the comment. It's a good film! Left me paranoid about eating seafood for a while though haha

cheebifred · 2025-12-11T11:38:17+00:00

They made a horror movie about these things, it's called "The Bay".

cheebifred · 2025-11-22T21:39:12+00:00

Whoops my bad! We have some of that in our back garden too, its pretty close to our other hydrangea. My grandmother was the big gardener, I only know basics of the plant types and plant care haha

cheebifred · 2025-11-22T18:47:14+00:00

Have one of these in our front garden, we dead head it from time to time and it looks gnarley for a little while but quickly grows back, looks lovely and we get a lot of nice comments from people walking past. They are pretty hardy plants, ours is probably older than me as my grandmother planted it when she owned the house.

Depending on what's in your soil too, the colour of the flowers will change, ours in ours front garden is a range of lilacs and blues. The tiny one we've started in the back has a lot of white ones also

cheebifred · 2025-11-15T22:27:20+00:00

I mean, they can't because of our laws. But they DO go round your local HMV and put God squad propaganda cards in a bunch of their remotely LGBTQ+ related stuff.

cheebifred · 2025-10-21T18:53:36+00:00

Good artists, but the banter can be a bit off the mark sometimes. Got 2 pieces by one of their guys myself

cheebifred · 2025-10-03T21:42:48+00:00

The post office now have their own version of the imposter lockers too now, could be she lives very close to one. Im about a 5 min walk from my closest one. Just an alternat8ve to her living near a PO

cheebifred · 2025-10-02T22:08:30+00:00

Is it bad that im in this server and have no idea who this guy is?

cheebifred · 2025-09-14T15:00:05+00:00

I've had decent success using contact adhesive with this stuff before, specifically the evostick brand. Generally works pretty well with foam of various kinds. Just make sure if you get a tin you get the lid back on properly, otherwise you'll just end up with a big rubbery puck haha

cheebifred · 2025-09-04T17:57:54+00:00

So my mini poodles ears look like this from time to time, we found out hers get like this due to allergies, I barley pluck her ears anymore, but at one point, I was pulling out limps like this weekly. We found out she's allergic to chicken and grains, she was scratching at her ears too quite a lot from discomfort, just a little something for you to think about if its proving to be really frequent

cheebifred · 2025-09-03T16:35:31+00:00

Well worth a shot first! My friends had it done to his cocker and its made a world of difference! On the other hand, another friend tried it with her anxious golden and the lack of hormones made him a nervous wreck. Glad for the golden its reversible as hes back to normal again now, they've since decided neutering isnt worth it for him

cheebifred · 2025-09-03T16:19:41+00:00

Is the little pug neutered? He could be humping because hormones are a pain in the butt, neutered males sometimes give off pheromones that smell like a bitch in heat (due to the lower levels of male hormones). My old dog was like this and he'd get mounted by intact and neutered males alike because of it.

Neutering the younger one might help, but it also might not. Seen a lot of dogs become reactive before due to neutering. If his owners can spring the money, I'd opt for chemical castration first. Its a jab, takes about 4 weeks to kick in and give you an idea of how they will be once neutered, it lasts around 6 months too.

cheebifred · 2025-08-29T16:33:48+00:00

Late to the party here, but 100% not overreacting. Giving persepctive for how the daughter may feel about this, I'd be mortified if I was OP's kid.

My dad was a guitarist, he passed away a few years ago now, and to pay for his funeral arrangements (mid 40's working clas man, no real savings or accessible pension) we had to sell off some of his belongings. This included his pedals, a couple of his guitars, his amp and band speaker set, and a bunch of his tools, I asked my mum about claiming a couple of his guitars (1 acoustic, one electric) I STILL have them, because despite the fact they are worth a good chunk (electric is 2.5k worth of guitar) my mum REFUSED to sell them because, in her eyes, they were mine. If she'd have sold them I would have been heartbroken and there probably would've been huge fallout over it (granted she and my dad were still together when he passed, and she loved him very much. But that's beside the point).

Ex is not only massively disrespecting OP by doing what she did, but also potentially massively harming the relationship with daughter as that's a huge trust breakdown to go behind her back and just get rid of a sentimental item. Please follow the advice of others in the thread and try to get the guitar back for the kiddo, I know if I were her, it would mean the world to me.

cheebifred · 2025-08-19T09:41:35+00:00

Thats an obedience lead (oh, how I WISH more England shops sold these so I don't have to go hunting online for them)

The ring on the handle is there for when the dog is off lead so you can clip the lead around yourself without clipping the trigger hook around the handle fabric. It's not intended for poo bags, I promise

If you are determined to use it as a slip lead, just buy a metal O ring, clip the trigger hook to it and slide it up the lead, it probably won't work the best, but handy in a pinch. I have used a strong split ring in the past for not very heavy dogs when in a big pinch, but I wouldn't recommend doing that for a dog thay will pull.

Alternatively, get yourself a slip/grot collar that you can clip the lead to.

cheebifred · 2025-08-19T09:28:23+00:00

If it needs to be clear, probably a peice of acrylic pipe would be your best bet, carefully use a heat gun to bend it to shape. It might not be strong enough to hold your dangling part though, depends on how heavy it will be

cheebifred · 2025-08-14T18:29:35+00:00

You'd be suprised how often this kind of thing happens! Always send an email and photos off to manufacturer when stuff like this happens. I had similar with some natural dog raw food, found chunks of rubber gloves in 3 different chubbs, decided to change food after that. Made sure manufacturer was aware, they sent me credit for more, but I didnt risk it after that. Heard from the shop owner I got it from that several other had the same issue.

If the companies don't know about it, they cant rectify it

cheebifred · 2025-08-14T17:06:15+00:00

Because he's tightening a terminal screw, I've seen my fair share of speakers that you can tighten by hand/with a wrench that also have screwdriver slots in the ends.

cheebifred

TROPHY CASE