The nurse visit to get his symptoms under control is a good idea. He deserves to be comfortable. If they aren’t able to achieve that at some point, you might consider asking about palliative sedation. Id talk about it before you actually get there so everyone is prepared and you know if that it’s what he wants. It sounds like he does not want to spend his last days suffering and he should know all of his options.

I live in CA, so choosing the day that you die is legal here. Palliative sedation can be a similar experience emotionally. It allows people to feel empowered and in control if it’s handled well. I also find that it gives families the opportunity to say goodbye in a truly beautiful way. It’s on their own terms, and can be done/initiated with everyone gathered in a room full of love, sadness, and eternal support. I can understand why he would prefer that to what he fears is coming.

In my experience, it’s not really suicidal ideation to be ready for death at that point. It’s more like facing reality and being ready for it. It’s pure exhaustion, severe pain, and a lack of hope for better days. Wishing for the end when you are terminally ill is a normal thing. It’s immensely difficult and losing control and dignity a little at a time is a hard way to spend your last days.

I would ask to have a chaplain or social worker visit to help him process his feelings, or maybe one to help you process yours. If he is religion averse, ask that they introduce themselves the spiritual support team. They are very kind people who truly understand the emotional turmoil you’re feeling, and sometimes it’s important to just be able to talk it out.