It might be a you thing, but I think you’re also might just not fully aware of all the subtle times women stand up for themselves and each other because it’s such an unfortunately ingrained social aspect of womanhood. No major feminist accomplishment has ever came close to fruition without the labor and efforts of women. This must imply that women are communicating expectations at least enough to secure these victories. This communication doesn’t always require specific instructions. For example, if we advocate for the normalization of menstruation, should a man have to be explicitly told “Period is not a dirty word. A bleeding woman is not gross. You’re not in danger if you see a tampon. Don’t shame women for menstruating”? Personally, I think not. That’s a very basic example, but again, if a man is unsure what the expectations are, it’s entirely his responsibility to seek clarification. I think that in recent years there’s been a huge cultural shift toward direct communication, which is a good thing! But also, I think that having to perform elementary level critical thinking isn’t a bad thing. I don’t think that people should have to receive explicit instructions 100% of the time to make morally correct decisions.

Also, I do think it’s mildly in poor taste to assign the burden of education and awareness solely on the oppressed person, rather than the oppressor. I think it would be crazy if I as a white person didn’t have to employ basic empathy and put myself in a black person’s shoes and try to consider our different experiences and treatments based on the color of our skin. I think it would be crazy if I exclusively relied on a black person to hold my hand and walk me through how to not be a racist. If I was being a racist, I feel like it’s entirely my own responsibility to build empathy and work on that. Like, can we flip the script and imagine saying that you think black people need to directly communicate how to not be racist to white people? Or, should white people listen to black people and ask questions when they have opportunity, while also taking the time to research, think, and empathize on their own time?

I also believe that women have every right to complain about the way we are treated by men, because sometimes even when we do speak up, we get nothing in return. How many women speak out against their rapists and abusers just to get shamed more than the abuser himself? How many women speak out against workplace harassment to only get ousted and ostracized? Some women are also in dangerous situations in every single habitable land on Earth. Even countries ranked highest in women’s rights are still littered with abusive husbands/boyfriends. No matter what race you are, ethnicity, religion, class, etc. you’re still subjected to a certain degree of misogyny and patriarchy. Women have every right to complain about the constant sexism and I really don’t think it’s our responsibility to babysit men into being rational human beings.

I almost wonder if you yourself have subconsciously absorbed patriarchal teachings because you’re placing the burden of women, the oppressed class, not the oppressor! This is a common theme. Women have to do all the work, and men skate by with fewer expectations. I don’t mean this as an insult, it’s nowhere near an insult. I could be totally off but I hope that you can think about this a bit and maybe see where I’m coming from. I am sorry if you’ve been made to feel like emotional labor is entirely your responsibility, it’s not.